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The emotional aftermath of today hit and I suddenly found myself on the beach walking along the water and squeezing its way between my shoeless toes. I heard what sounded like music being played from further down the beach. I tried to ignore the noise but its incessant thumping created a plague in my mind.
I thought about last night, seeing Topper and Sarah together. They'd always been friends but never had shown interest in each other. At least not from Topper's side. Sarah was Sarah.
Moving away from the shoreline, I sat down in the sand, the grit running between my fingers. The navy sky met an invisible line into the ocean. I could still hear the hoots and hollers from down the beach. I thought about how ten months ago, I probably would've been a part of the chaos.
Reflecting back on these last months, I thought about saying goodbye to Topper, the look on his face as I left him. The concoction of emotions I felt, that he felt. Both turning to a molotov cocktail, waiting to explode.
"I'm leaving, Topper," I told him, my eyes flooded with tears.
"What do you mean you're leaving," his jaw dropped. I looked around the graveyard, the freshly placed headstones glimmered in the morning light.
"I can't stay," I paused, "not after what happened." Facing the people of this town, the mysteries it holds, the crimes it's committed was too much for me but Topper couldn't know that. According to the Kildaire Sheriff's department, my parent's death was an unfortunate accident but I knew that was far from the truth. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Big John, he was walking away from a mausoleum. He turned and looked at me, nodding knowingly, leaving the graveyard. (putting this here bc Lilli didn't ever read it...)
"Harp, you have to stay, you can't just run away from your problems. You can't just leave me," Topper yelled, losing his cool. I turned back to him and smiled sadly, tears now cascading down my face.
"I'm sorry, Top," I grabbed his face and kissed his cheek, turning around and exiting the graveyard, and the Outer Banks.
Maybe it was a good thing, he seemed happy with Sarah. He deserves someone who could make him happy and I'm not quite sure if I can be that. The waves crashing in front of me brought me out of my thoughts. The tides were turning in an inescapable way. The seabirds soared above me, free from the restraints of life. The noises mixed together into a beautiful melody.
"Harper," I heard a voice call out from behind me. I turned and was met with icy blue eyes I'd never be able to forget. Topper stood about ten feet behind me, his jaw dropped, gaping at my presence.
"What are you doing back," Topper asked me. My eyes filled with tears again as the boy I loved stood before me. Standing from my place I moved towards him but as I moved to him he took steps back.
"Topper," I said, tears now running down my face. My hand reaching out for his
"No," he said, "you don't get to come back here." His face finally held a fit of hidden anger that I'd seen the day I left him standing in the graveyard.
"Well, I'm back," I started, his anger reflecting into myself, "you can't really change that, but don't worry I'll be gone soon again. You can get back to Sarah too."
"You can't do that," He said stepping towards me, "you can't get mad at me for moving on when you're the one who left." He stopped directly in front of me, his chest heaving with each breath he took. Tears continued to freely cascade down my face at his words.
"I left, I'll admit it I did," I started through my sobs, "but I didn't just forget you existed."
"Forget you existed," he yelled.
"It's been months," he continued, "I haven't even heard from you in months," tears continued to fall down my face as I faced the backlash of my doings.
"I couldn't just wait forever," he told me, tears glistening in his eyes, "I thought you were never coming back."
"But you moved onto Sarah," I started, "my best friend. You chose her and if you loved me you wouldn't have done that."
"I'm sorry," I told him, realizing the impact of my outburst. His face gave away more than he knew. I could see behind the red face and angry expression, the broken-hearted sad boy hidden deep within his core.
I reached towards him, gripping his hand, him, letting me. He pulled me towards him into a hug. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I repeated.
"I'm so sorry," two people, different but equally broken held each other as if they would be swept away by the sea if they let go.
