Monster. (Sterek)

Part 24: Burning In A Lake Of Memories.

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The alpha was sitting in the forest watching the wildlife move around him. Everything felt wrong. Like his whole world had been flipped. His body felt empty yet his skin felt too tight, pressing in on him, suffocating him, restricting his every move. So he stayed sitting on the trunk of a fallen tree – once so strong. It felt like a sick metaphor. Like nature was taunting him, mocking him, laughing at him.

Maybe he deserved it.

After all, he had hurt his mother... and Isaac. He was so sweet, so kind and caring. Isaac had been enough. Scott had just been too scared, the last time he had loved someone so deeply, so passionately, he'd had to watch her die. Held her as she bled to death with nothing he could do to stop it. Which is why, despite Kira constantly telling him to do so, he could never bring himself to break up with Isaac. Because he was selfish.

Maybe there was more, it felt like there should be more. More that he may never know or understand. Another reason so deeply rooted inside of him that he will never be able to uncover it.

There was no justifying what he had done to Isaac, he knew that now. And there was no way Isaac would ever forgive him, not that he expected otherwise. He sure as hell didn't deserve it.

And Kira, he was so lucky to still have her. She had, at first, enjoyed the secretiveness of it all, as Scott had told The Pack, but that had lasted all of a week before guilt had gotten the better of her. She told him, time and time again, that she couldn't keep it up. And he could see the strain she was under, he could tell how it was affecting her negatively, yet he still continued on. Why had she stuck around?

Who was he kidding? He knew why, he had always known why. She felt the same way about him as he did about Isaac. Of course, he loved her, too, but Kira loved him wholeheartedly and to a fault. A fault that had her putting her morals to the side for him. He had known this, but he hadn't really given it much thought until now. The fact that he had exploited that made his stomach churn. He gagged, his throat constricting painfully. And, for a brief moment, he wondered if he would actually be sick. What was wrong with him?

"Scotty, are you okay?" Arms wrapped around him from behind and he turned to see Kira.

"Yeah, I was just thinking about... everything."

"Everything? Like Stiles?" She sounded hopeful, in that way that made him remember why he liked her. But that name...

"I told you to stop bringing him up, please. And, no, I was thinking about Isaac, and you. About how I feel as though I took advantage of you and I'm sorry for that." Scott took hold of Kira's hands, turned around and looked right into her eyes. Eyes that held such untainted innocence, such bright joy and purity, Scott refused to let himself destroy that, too. He hoped it wasn't too late.

"Scott, It's okay. You didn't take advantage of me. I loved you, I love you." Her smile grew into the smile that always made Scott's heart beat just a little bit faster.

"But I--"

"No, Scott. I stuck by you despite your love for Isaac because I knew he made you happy. Yes, I tried to get you to break up with him for his sake, but you still loved him. I hoped one day you would tell him, and that we might be able to work this out in a civilized way. But unfortunately not." Scott sighed and Kira's eyes softened. "Is that all that was on your mind?"

"Yeah, thank you." He lied. His mother, what he had done to her, how she had reacted, that was also on his mind. Why had he done that? Because he had to. He had to.

Surely there was a better way. There was always another way.

"Alright, well dinner will be ready in half an hour so be back in by then." She sounded disappointed, Scott reminded himself to ask her about it later.