↬ book reviews

@KateAnn21

warning: i am a perfectionist who loves giving advice, so please do not let my advice overwhelm you! i simply write a lot because i want to be as helpful as possible and get my points across clearly. in addition, i'm LOOKING for issues in your writing. that's the point of these reviews, so don't feel bad if i have a lot of notes <3

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born for this | peter parker | KateAnn21
i read the first three chapters, as well as chapter five so i could see how you introduced peter :-)

- colleen, colleen, colleen colleen! yes that's a "joleen" parody LMAO anyways! during the beginning of your first chapter i noticed the whole thing revolving around colleen and you used her name a lot. this is just me being nitpicky, but use "she" a bit more. we know you're still talking about colleen, and the overuse of her name starts to get a little repetitive..

- dial down on the details... i LOVE the way you described everything about colleen's morning and think you did an amazing job, but i'd maybe try and dial down the description just a little bit. her morning routine is a good way to start, but shorten it up so it's not just paragraphs of getting ready and making pancakes, y'know? i think the moments with the kids are really cute, though!

- characterization!! bruh you did such a good job describing the kids. they're ADORABLE and i can just picture them perfectly and i already have a really good idea of who they are. props to you!!!! omg and their POWERS THATS SO CUTE HOW THEY LIKE THREATEN EACH OTHER LMAO

- a bit more info? this lowkey contradicts with the details note (next note i'll elaborate on this), but i think it would be good to have a bit more info on what colleen is doing. when i started reading this chapter i was asking a lot of questions. is colleen a mother? are these her kids? if not, what's the deal? stuff like that should be answered or at least alluded to so that the reader isn't left wondering. i wouldn't write out a whole paragraph explaining it, though, i'd maybe provide this info within dialogue or in a way that keeps the flow of the story, yk what i mean? (update on this note i am now on the second chapter and you've explained it pretty well so PROPS TO YOU i would just maybe include a bit more information in the dialogue of the first chapter??? i was about to delete this note but i still thought it may be helpful lol)

- single out what's important. this refers to details and information. morning routines? most of the time, not so important. the relationships between characters? a bit more important. as you write/edit, think about what the reader needs to know. it gets difficult to remember that your readers don't have all the information that you have as they read, and you've gotta make sure they get the key notes essential to understanding the story, all while not elaborating too far on less important things.

- BROOO okay you're so good at writing. seriously. you have amazing flow and i didn't pick up on any technical (grammar punctuation etc) faults or parts where your sentence lengths didn't vary. you're doing AMAZING omfg it's really really good!!!!

- ME BEING NITPICKY IM SORRY okay this is literally about one goddamn sentence im sorry lmao but i think this tip could be applied elsewhere yk?? okay so the sentence is in the second chapter and it's "She has blonde hair pulled back in a small ponytail because her hair is too short to be in a higher one." it sounds a bit clunky, and personally i would've reworded it more like "Her short hair is pulled back into a low ponytail." and that's it. we know her hair is short and can therefore assume it's in a low ponytail because it's not long enough to be in a high one, yk? this is just something you can fix in editing to make sure your sentences have good flow

- why is she so scared? i'd work a bit on the interaction between nat and colleen. it makes sense for colleen to be scared of being exposed, but the situation in which her terror builds could be improved in my opinion. i'd have multiple parts in their conversation in which nat's details don't line up and it gets really suspicious so that the readers can feel the same terror that colleen does and they're thinking the same thing as colleen- oh shit, she's gonna get exposed! (so maybe have nat say something that alludes to colleen's secret, since she already knows: "so, any kids at home or anything?" "what do you do during your days?" stuff like that)

- DIALOGUE! i LOVE the interactions between the kids and colleen omfg it's all so good and the part where ben was like "go get a personality" or something like that i literally gasped and laughed so hard I LOVE THEM

- AAAAAAAAAA omfg the way you introduced peter and described him i'm so GIDDY rn wtf and OH MY GODDDDDD ANNA BETH JUST EXPOSING THEM SLDJSDKJFLBLA

- the interactions. with peter. and the rest of them. are so good. oh my god. stop it rn. </3

i'm not doing a rewrite because you're seriously an amazing writer and almost everything was pretty much perfect WOW

final words...
- I AM GOING TO FINISH THIS BOOK WHEN I HAVE THE TIME WOW!! dude you're literally so good. i LOVE the plot and all the characters are absolutely adorable and i love them so much even though i just met them and it's all just so so good holy CRAP remind me to finish this book wow

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