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@Bugsbase

cute lil pride gif type beat for a coming of age sexuality story!

warning: i am a perfectionist who loves giving advice, so please do not let my advice overwhelm you! i simply write a lot because i want to be as helpful as possible and get my points across clearly. in addition, i'm LOOKING for issues in your writing. that's the point of these reviews, so don't feel bad if i have a lot of notes <3

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discovery | Bugsbase

- i love your cover!! the format of it is so cute and pretty- only thing is that it's slightly off-center (i'm a perfectionist lol) and your name at the bottom is slightly cut off. but i love it so much!

- check spelling always! "councilor" should be spelled "counselor"! just watch out for little things like that when editing.

- really add some depth. most of your story is just the basis of a story. going through the actions, saying what's happened.... really dive into these scenes. single out what's important and turn it into a full-on scene. getting new schedules? not so important. just start off with the friend group and really have them be characters, don't just describe what they look like and then barely mention them at all. you've set everything up for an amazing story, but it's absolutely vital that you write full scenes with dialogue, make these characters distinct and give them personality, and really build the story. you've got it all set up for you, just break it down and get into it!

- talk talk talk!!! you've gotta have more dialogue in your story. so far it's just event after event with few actual scenes (and even then there's not much), so once you create those scenes, have conversations between your characters!!! this'll also make it easier for you to write out your scenes: what i like to do is write out the dialogue of the scene first, then go back and fill in all the gaps with actions n other stuff. works like a charm!

- focus on what's important. there were moments where you went into depth about things that really didn't matter in the whole scheme of your story, while other more important things were mentioned a bit briefly. as you write, ask yourself what has a significant part in your plot. if it's vital and important, really get into it and describe it. 

- show, don't tell. this is about you describing chloe's friend group. honestly? appearance doesn't really matter, and it's best to mix it in through your story. note hair color or skin tone when they step outside or when they style it a certain way, and don't just describe everyone's exactly details right when they enter. i know as an author you want your readers to picture everything exactly as you picture it, but take a step back. if you throw in their details throughout scenes, your readers will be able to concoct a pretty good image of them.

- BUILD BUILD BUILD. by the second chapter, heaven was going down on chloe. not only is this unrealistic in terms of relationships (more on this later), but they've only known each other for a few days! it came on very suddenly and was very surprising. if you dig deep into your story and have a few chapters going, it'll be less of a surprise. and add tension! i had zero idea heaven was interested in chloe. this absolutely has to be included beforehand, otherwise the ordeal is a complete and total surprise that totally throws off readers. 

- relationships... yes, chloe is figuring out her sexuality and heaven plays a role in that and something needs to happen between them. however, seeing as it was a first-time thing for chloe, the most realistic thing to happen is for heaven to kiss her. no more than that. and chloe can definitely secretly enjoy it, but she needs to shut things down immediately after that because she needs time to think. if she's confused about what she wants, and since they're only in, what, high school, they're not going to have sex legit days after they met.