You caused this to happen

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"What did you do to my daughter, Miles?" Mr Johnson growled in my ear. The cold feel of his gun to the base of my skull proved how angry he was. I didn't even know how to begin what happened between myself and her...

Cut to internal thoughts

We were nine when we first met. We ran around the playground like energy was infinite and we became firm friends. This carried on until we were eighteen where we can be found in many prom pictures together. There had never been any romantic tension between the two of us; it was like we were brother and sister. However, it was her mistake on prom that lead to some of the best and worst times of my life.

You came to me a week later, crying. Your boyfriend had gotten you pregnant and wanted nothing to do with the results of his conquest. He didn't even speak or look at you anymore. We knew what your parents were like, they were always fair weather parents – that's why you had clung to me the way you had since we met. Luckily for you, my girlfriend of four years had dumped me two months previous, so I dried your tears and told you of a plan to protect you. We would say that the babe was mine, because thankfully your parents didn't know just how sterile I was. You had known as long as I had – you were there with me when I found out I could never be a father the way I wanted to.

We hadn't thought it through, had we? As soon as you say you were to have a babe together everyone has expectations of you. I used a loophole in their thinking to move you into my house. I didn't do this for any other reason then I wanted you safe from prying eyes. I don't know what moment laid the foundation, but we were in love sooner then we had realised. Two months until the babe would be here, I proposed the idea. Put me on the birth certificate and this sham never has to be questioned. My parents already knew the truth, and no one else did. You were unsure until I showed you just how serious I was, when you saw the ring I had for you.

When our daughter was born it was an amazing if bloody stressful day. I didn't know how much a baby resembled an alien when it first came out, and I remember you laughing faintly when I fainted. We moved into our own house two weeks later – you, me and our beautiful daughter who would never let us sleep.

That's when everything went wrong.

The biological father had just been caught by the police as the serial killer that had been evading them for six months. It seems everything went downhill for him since prom. He went off the meds we didn't even know he was on, because of some reason. He didn't even try to plead not guilty. He seemed to revel in the public knowing what he did. He was put on death row, and somehow, he seemed happy with this. His only request on death row? To see you and his child. I had pleaded with everyone official enough to not let this happen – he said he would have her family killed if she didn't. I told them that these threats showed that he has no remorse and is still a danger, but you didn't see it that way. You wanted to protect our daughter, but I wanted to protect both of you. The news was lit up about you, and who the father of the babe was.

So how can I explain this to your father?

Cut out of internal thoughts

"I protected her, as I always have Mr Johnson."

"Bullshit! I saw on the news that she is going to see him. Why didn't-"

"I tried!" this was yelled out as loud as possible, tears now flowing down, "I did everything I could, but the amount of people he was talking about harming was too much for them to deal with and they wouldn't bring his death closer."

"She is there now Miles! Why aren't you?"

I deflated to the floor. I couldn't speak now. There was something I missed out, because it was too painful. I couldn't feel the gun on my skull anymore. I took a package out of my pocket and put it out to the right of me as I continued to cry. I can only think he opened it due to what he said.

"Why did she do this?" His voice was now rougher with tears then anger.

Cut to internal thoughts

I still couldn't speak, and neither could he. Mr Johnson pulled me off of the floor and we went back to his house, where his wife was still pumped full of anger which was immediately deflated when she saw the package. None of us could eat that evening, or even speak. We sat facing the TV which was on the news. No one was listening. This is the closest I have ever been to your parents, Julia. You'd be proud that we weren't butting horns again.

But I wont ever be able to tell you this now, because you went and got yourself killed by him.

I don't think I have ever been so angry in my life, Julia. I told you that he was a homicidal maniac, but I think you just wanted to see the boy you had dated. I don't think you ever got over him, did you? I wasn't a good enough replacement, because you passed me back the ring telling me you had to protect your daughter. You allowed him to marry you quickly and get marital permissions, as you said, to end this to protect your family. However, in this marital permissions, he killed you and then our daughter.

We didn't even get to hear it nicely. The media were already at the prison to cover the story and boy did they get a story to tell. As we watched the live report, we could see the prison officials trying to stop the reporter as soon as they got wind of what the reporter was saying. By then it was too late. The reporter got the sack disgracefully, but easily got another job doing the same thing.

It is two years later now, and I sit by yours and our daughters graves as I did last year, and as I will continue to do. You'll be glad to know that your parents are getting better, they are in therapy and I have been looking after them as have my parents. Funnily enough, we are a more together family now, as if I am the son of two families. In therapy they realised what they did to you growing up and had to accept that this was partially their fault for the way they damaged you. You'll be glad though, that I got to take verbal pot shots at them during one therapy session so I could tell them what I saw from my side.

I think we are all coming out the other end now, but I always wonder what would have happened if you had truly loved me. Our daughter would be just over 2 now. I like to think her first word would have been "mama" and that we would play all over the house. I don't have that house anymore. I have a room in both sets of parent's houses. I hit 22, by the way, and 23 is on the horizon, though I feel older then I should. More than anything you should know the truth.

You caused this to happen.

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