Bad Boy And The Emo Fall In-Love (BXB)

Chapter 23: I know you...still

Shane's POV

Tuesday

"So, I've actually had something on my mind I've wanted to ask you?"

"Hmm?"

"I know about Ein, but Jay always seemed consistent about wanting to get a punch at you. Do you know why, or it is just because he's a douche?"

I nod slowly with an O face. Well, time to unravel the whole story.

"I mentioned that Jay and I were friend before. Very good friends. Ein, Jay, and Max we're hosting a pretty big party. You know how I am when I'm drunk, except I was like that with him, and for some reason he would always return it. Before the party, we were also the 'flirty friends', we were that type of close. So, when we were both drunk, I kissed him. And, him in a drunken state, he kissed me back.

"Not only did that incident affect me, it had a worse impact on him. His parents got a hold of a video, the incident, and that didn't go good with them. Back then, being gay in this neighborhood was a really bad thing, so he was kicked off the team, made fun of, bullied, and hated. And, I liked him, so I confessed. After all, it actually was my fault.

"When he got the chance, he agreed with what I was saying. I forced myself onto him, it was nonconsensual, all that bullshit. So, his life became perfect again, and mine crashed. Whenever he has a moment to hurt me, he'll take it. And, I deserve it. I ruined his life for a short while, so he's just getting payback with his buddies."

Zane pulls me into a hug, I can't find it in me to hug back. I knew I wasn't going to be good talking about it, but it needed to be said.

"I knew he was questioning himself, scared of himself because of his newly found attraction to a different sex, and drunk me decide to use that against him and almost outed him."

"Baby, you got outed because of it. You didn't do anything wrong, it isn't your fault.  You don't deserve to be hurt like this, just because y'all were some drunk horny teens. Honestly, he needs to take the flames, get burnt, not you. I understand that he might have been scared, but instead he hurts you just so he will be okay. That's not an equal fight, Shane."

"I know it's not, but I didn't have a choice back then."

"Shane, yes, you did. You decide your actions and choices; no one else can do that for you. So, if he pressured you too take the bomb, and it blew up in your face, it would be his fault. It's his fault you're treated like this, not because of you."

"But I kissed him."

"He kisses back.  If he actually returned the same feelings, or grew up a little more, then he would've taken the hit with you. Not leave you alone and join in with hurting you. It's not all your fault. Don't fight me on this, please."

"Okay, I won't. Thank you."

He hums and kissed my cheek. I remind him of why we wanted to meet up, I can tell he was trying to put off the conversation, but I've locked him in.

He told me about his full conversation with Jacklyn, Officer Hope, how him and I are going to be fine getting out of this situation. He's terrified. I noticed certain things trigger him, mentioning or talking about his uncle is a big trigger, but he hides it so well. And, Jacklyn triggers a different type of anger than I've never seen on him before. It kind of scares me, because I know he's been hurt a lot in life, and Now Jacklyn showed up and made him "go back to his past", that gets him angry.

I know he's trying to be a better person, he really is trying. And actually, I'm pretty pissed at him for "working" like he does. I know, he has his own reason, reasons I probably won't ever know. I love him still, because I know he doesn't like it. As he said "Once you're in you don't really get out" and hes lucky hes that favorite. And I know he's trying, and I know after all of this he's going to be a completely different person.