dear harry [h.s]

day 70

Dear Harry,

You're finally happy again; no, not the fake kind that we were together toward the end of our relationship. You are the real kind of happiness; the best kind that I always wanted you to be.

The boys are happy. Your family is happy. Everyone is so damn happy, it's absolutely wonderful to witness. So, I've decided to leave you today, so you can feel my pain.

I want you to feel the loneliness. I want you to feel the betrayal. I want you to know the feeling of sitting on the bathroom floor with blood on your arms, tears in your eyes, a baby in your stomach, and hopelessness in your heart. It's horrible, I know. God knows it's so selfish of me to wish this upon you; to take away everything you've ever known with me. But, I want to make sure you never do this again. I want you to be a better man because of what I've done here. I want you to change for me now; for us.

I spent countless nights wondering if you ever did love me, Harry. Actual love; love that made you crazy because what you felt for me was too much for us both to handle. Even though you said it; promised, you didn't mean it.

And because I am doing this, it doesn't mean I hate you. I love you so much, Harry. You made me feel important. And I want you to know that me and our little flower, Lily, will be watching you up in heaven. I'll keep her safe. I'll be the mother that I always dreamed of having. She would've grown up to be beautiful, Harry. She'd have your sparkling green eyes and your brown curls. But we'll be safe. I don't blame you at all. I blame myself. For not being there for you; for being selfish. I'm sorry.

So now, I know why I wanted to write you this. I want you to remember me and your unborn baby girl. Never forget us, darling.

-Forever & Always,

Valerie