Half Sick of Shadows » Band of Brothers [2]

29: Returning from Some Far Place

"The sun entered my room this morning like an old lover returning from some far place." - Virginia Adair, Having It All

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Gene leads me into the kitchen of the house, likely just so I don't have everyone watching me, and sits me down in a chair next to the kitchen table. When he notices my lost expression he sits down next to me and turns in his seat until he's facing me. He rifles around in the pockets of his ODs for a moment and I watch, entranced, as his eyes light up when he seems to find what he's looking for.

When he holds it out to me I see that it's a chocolate bar, and my God, has it been a long time since I've seen one of those. I'm contemplating whether or not to take it when he laughs a little bit - a small, sad sort of laugh - and begins to open it himself. He breaks off two pieces and holds one out to me. "Together, right?" he says.

I nod and take the second piece off of him, and I try for a smile, though I'm not sure it's any good. When I eat it, I find I'm much hungrier than I thought I was.

We carry on that way for a while. Even though he thinks I don't, I notice that eventually Gene stops eating it at all and ends up just breaking off pieces for me. I don't protest, though, because I really am starving, and I think my hands are too sore to be able to break it myself.

Just to pretend we really have shared it, Gene breaks the final piece of it in half, and once it's all gone he watches me carefully. Unlike what I likely would have done the last time I saw him, I don't fidget under his gaze. Instead, I take the time to search his face, taking in every detail just in case I don't get to see it again. He's just as I remember him, which makes my heart smile, but perhaps a little bit rough around the edges. I get the feeling he went through something terrible whilst I was gone, too.

"How're you feelin'?" he asks after a while.

I really take the time to contemplate the question, but only one word seems to come to mind. "Overwhelmed."

He nods and takes ahold of one of my hands gently. Where we both sit sideways on our chairs, facing each other, our knees brush occasionally which fills me with an unexplainable warmth. Just being close to him makes me feel safer than I've felt since last being in England.

"And relieved," I add after a few moments. I can tell a smile wants to tug at his lips, and one wants to tug at mine, too. "Really, really relieved." Why am I about to start crying? Honestly. Need to pull myself together.

I can see tears glistening in his eyes and that's all it takes for the dam to break. I wonder when I'll eventually run out of tears, since it seems I've just cried my way through this war.

Gene pulls me into his lap and I bury my head in the crook of his neck, trying so hard to stifle the sobs. I bite onto my bottom lip so hard in the process I draw blood.

"I don't want to go back there," I confess, my words shaky and choked, "I'm so scared, Gene. I'm so scared. I don't want to go back."

"Shh, chérie, it's alright," he coos, smoothing my hair very gently down my back. "You're not goin' back. You're safe. You're not goin' anywhere."

My sobs wrack my entire body and they're audible now. I'm holding onto Gene so tightly but he doesn't seem to mind.

After a while, when I don't seem to be anywhere near calming down, he whispers, mostly to himself, "Let's get you back upstairs." But instead of lifting me up off of him so I can walk, he stands up with me still in his arms.

When we enter the living room people start talking immediately, and I feel Gene shake his head. "She's overwhelmed," he tells them over my sobs. "I'm takin' her back upstairs."