Hey Kid? Wrong Number.

ah yes, thomas.

Ellie's POV

I had started the long walk home from school, purposefully ignoring my phone the entire day, like a good little school student focusing on her studies. Now that I was walking along the bustling Queens streetscape, I could finally check my texts, which had been going off like crazy for the seven hours my phone had been in my pocket. Taking a bite of my smooshed-down-flat sandwich, I tapped onto MOTHERFUCKERS ASSEMBLE (Fury was responsible for naming it this week) and almost spat out my food as I scrolled through the past texts my weird friends from Stark Industries had sent one another.

Fossil

I hope you're considering me to be the godfather Bucky

Angry Russian Grandmother

Excuse you

I am obviously the best at parenting here

Birb

that makes absolutely no sense but ok

Angry Russian Grandmother

Good response Clint

Birb

👌

Tin Can

So whaddya say Bucko?

Will old King Henry the Eighth here be crowned godfather, or I?

A reminder that I am very rich you know

The child will have everything he has ever dreamed of

Fossil the Second

I am in the middle of making my decision

But rest assured, my friends, that Thomas will grow up with everything

Riches, guns, baby rattles

You name it

Thomas will have it

Ellie

what the actual hell did i walk into

Bill Nye Jr

Exactly my reaction

Motherfucker

Oh no. The child has arrived. It's time to flee.

Tin Can

Bucky's pregnant

Ellie

um

what

Angry Russian Grandmother

He's convinced he's going to give birth to a baby called Thomas

Motherfucker