AMaZiNg GrAyCE and the Amazing Race!

Chapter 13 My Decision

The next day, Beth told me she called Richard to come over to fix the garbage disposal for us. I rolled my eyes at her excuse to call him over, even though she insisted that it wasn't the case. I told her that it was okay, but that I would be in my room the whole time he was here.

I heard when Richard came over and I hid in my room. I didn't want to see him nor did I want Beth to force a conversation. I heard Beth answer the door and I slipped out of my room and sat at the top of the stairs where I couldn't be seen. I wanted to listen to what they would say about me. For the most part, their conversation consisted of fixing the garbage disposal, just as Beth reassured me. Eventually, the elephant in the room was addressed.

"So... Zoe told me." That was Beth's voice.

"Told you...?"

"About... everything."

"Oh... I mean, I don't know what to say. I would have told you myself, but she told me not to. I told her to tell you."

"I know. I'm not mad at you. Maybe a little disappointed and misunderstood, but not mad... you're taking her to terminate it?" Beth asked quietly.

"Yeah.... it's her decision."

"But what do you want?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yeah it does."

"You don't think that she should, huh?" He raised the question.

"No. And you don't either."

"I mean... I told her I would help raise the baby and would act in whatever role she wanted." He said seriously. The conversation was giving me a bad feeling in my chest, so I left and went to my room.

I didn't want to hear anymore of what they thought happened. I knew I couldn't be a mother. It simply wasn't meant to be. My period has always been irregular to the point where I genuinely thought that I was infertile. Then, there's the fact that I'm asexual. Even when trying to adopt, it was all futile. I just know it's not meant to be.

I don't want to take this too far and end up having a miscarriage like my mom. I just can't go through that loss. I felt like I just needed to give up. That night, I cried myself to sleep. I woke up from a phone call from my mom. Even on the phone, I could tell that she was acting so weird. She admitted that Beth called her and told her everything. I was upset, rightfully so, and my mom just kept saying that she understood that I was scared but it was okay. She said she would help me in any way she could. Shaking my head, I hung up. I couldn't believe Beth.

I called Richard and told him that I was ready. When he came to pick me up, he seemed calm and apologized for taking a while. Even if he was, it didn't matter to me. I was just glad to be getting it over with.

When we got to the clinic, it was all so intimidating. The eerie silence, the white walls, the numerous baby models and magazines. I felt my heart jolt in my chest when they called my name, and when I was standing up to enter, Richard blurted out to ask if he could talk to me. His timing was ridiculous, considering his silence during the car ride and in the waiting room, but I agreed nonetheless. He led me outside, near the entrance of the clinic.

"Zoe, I'm really sorry, but I have to say this."

I blinked, just staring at him.

"We had sex. Us. Two asexual people who aren't even interested in sex or romance. After knowing each other for over ten years and being friends, one night we just decided to hook up, and by some chance, it's the one time in the month you can actually get pregnant and we make a baby. Zoe, this baby isn't a mistake. Maybe we didn't intend for it to happen, but we intended on something consciously regardless. Our child isn't a mistake. He or she could be a living reminder of our love for each other and closeness. I don't want to get rid of that. I think we should leave. I know you're scared and I am too, but I won't ever let anything happen to you no matter what. Can you please just ... I promise to be here for you. Just... I think this is wonderful that this happened in this way and I don't see how this will ever happen again, not for me. I want to be a father and I don't want to pressure you. Maybe this isn't even fair to say right now, but I am always the person who steps in for you, no matter what you ask and I just... I know that this is probably wrong to do and not right at all, but I am begging you to just have our baby. Can we just get into the car and leave here?...Please?"