The Moon on a Frozen Lake

12: Debts

How does one forget?

Grains of memories and things you regret,

Though waves of time can wash away,

Resentment lingers, fossil on clay.

-- J., 2019

"What do you mean something is wrong? I'm perfectly fine."

It was almost midnight. Jihoon was just about to have his first meal of the day when his sister called. The long holiday had caused such a backlog of work, there was no time for a break. Picking up his chopsticks, Jihoon brought a piece of savory meat into his mouth. It brought him as much enjoyment as a piece of rubber.

"The dark circles under your eyes tell a different story. You look old, Jihoon-ie." Kang Jae-hee, his sister, leaned closer, making her face appear bigger on the phone he'd propped against his glass.

"And what's wrong with looking old? I am old. Do you have something against old people, Noona?"

"That's not what I mean! I'm older than you but I take care of myself and it shows. But you, there are lines on your face that shouldn't be there for a guy your age. You look like Dad now in his 70s, not Jihoon in his 30s."

With a shrug, he pushed some more food into his mouth and forced himself to chew. "It's just the lighting."

"Come on!" She rolled her eyes. "The light is bright enough. Are you not sleeping again?"

"I sleep enough."

"Jihoon-ah..." She stared at him as if deliberating whether she push the issue further. In the end, she merely said, "Please take better care of yourself, will you? I worry about you."

"I will. Don't worry too much."

"You know that's impossible. Even though you're already grown, you're still my baby brother. I raised you, remember?

A corner of his lips lifted at the question. Because their parents were often too busy, Jae-Hee was at once his parent and partner-in-crime. When she was in high school and Jihoon in middle school, Jae-Hee was the one who woke him up every morning, put together breakfast from whatever was available and made sure both of them got to school on time.

Then she abandoned you when you needed her most.

His lips pursed at the unwanted reminder. Why did he have to be so petty? "I know, Noona. I was just busy with work."

"You seriously work too much." She grimaced.

"What can I say? I like being productive."

Besides, work kept him from thinking about things he'd rather not think about. The devil finds work for idle hands and all that.

"Being productive is good, but having a good work-life balance is better. Go out! Have fun! Meet people! Take a break if you have to."

"You know what happened the last time I decided to do that."

His sister physically recoiled from the screen. "That's not what I meant! You can never do that again. Never! Do you hear me? This is why I'm so worried. You're on the other side of the world. If anything happens, I---"

Her voice broke.

Jihoon instantly felt terrible at his thoughtless remark. He meant to be flippant, but of course, there was no way to casually mention something like that. Putting his chopsticks down, he pushed away his food, having lost all appetite.