Realizations of ones heart

13. End of something

The next two weeks go on like in a fog for Krist. There's interviews and press conferences, photo shoots and he still has to finish up filming the last scenes of Who Are You. 

Fuss around GMMTV's new dramas is amazing and definitely huge. Word about the two dramas which are not based on a book but on a script made by normal people through contest is going wild. 

So far there were no announcements about the exact plot. Only those who read the first versions know the truth and how the story is gonna go.

At first Krist was thinking about trying for that bl drama, but in the end decided against it. It would've been cool and something new but he decided there was already enough on his plate. So he just asked for a smaller part, side character. 

P'Godji was not happy with that since she had hoped Krist and Singto to be one of the main couples. But since neither of them wanted that they got a small role as one of the side couples. 

Three main couples would be Bright and Win, Frank and Drake plus two quite new faces First and Fluke. There would also be part for not only KristSingto but for TayNew and OffGun as well. They would be playing seniors for their nongs. A bit like in real life too. 

For the horror series girl roles were filled by Namtan, Ploy, Jan and Mild. Alongside them would be Gunsmile, Joss and Ohm. It was already a creepy story just because of the actors, or at least that was what Krist thought. 

Never the less, it seemed like things were going smoothly for all of their friends. That made Krist happy, so happy that he actually totally forget about his own problems. 

Until came the day he met Kay for a serious talk. 

Kay was waiting for Krist at a coffee shop where they liked to go together on dates. They liked it because it had all kinds of different drinks from hot to cold and alcoholic to non-alcoholic. Also there were snack to eat too with not too high prices. 

Krist sat down in his seat, looking at the man in front of him quietly. 

"You wanted to see me?" he says with asking tone. 

"Well, it's been two weeks since we last saw each other. Krist, last time I checked we we're still together. For the public it doesn't look like that anymore. It doesn't feel like that anymore"

"But we decided to take a break" Krist reminds him, making Kay sigh. 

"You said you needed a pause. I never said I did."

It's Krist's turn to loose a sigh. He knew this would be a conversation that takes time and patience. But still he had hoped that it would go smoother than what this start promised.

"Well, speak your mind now then" Krist answers, motioning Kay to start talking. 

Kay looks at Krist, studying his facial expression before starting. 

"In my opinion, our whole relationship started wrong. I kept on pressuring you and then you gave up. I'm not even sure you actually wanted to be with me at all. Sometimes it felt like you said yes just to make me stop trying to win you over. 

It's not that I didn't want you to say yes, don't get me wrong. I'm just worried that maybe you said yes for wrong reasons. You were so grumpy all the time, not wanting to be too close to me while in public. 

Then P'Singto came back and everyone could see the change in you. You were happier and talked more, even smiled more. I tried to ignore it until that photo of you too. You know, if there was even one time when you looked at me like you look at him, maybe I wouldn't have lost it that night."

Kay stops speaking, his voice a bit shaky during the last words. Krist has no idea what to say back. Because Kay was right, he never did really love him. Not like Kay loved him and wanted to be loved back. 

"I don't know what to say" he whispers eventually. Kay averts his gaze when he tries to look at him. 

"I just know that maybe I did wrong when saying yes to you. I'm not sure what I felt back then but I know that now I... I feel nothing. And maybe it's because I never actually loved you or maybe I just stopped loving you during these weeks. I'm sorry Kay, but we can't be together anymore" Krist explains with quiet voice, knowing his words will hurt the other. 

"I know" Kay answers slowly, lifting his gaze back to Krist. 

"I knew it the moment Singto entered your life again and it was like half of you had returned" 

"So what you're saying is..." Krist starts without finishing his though. 

"Is that I'm breaking up with you Krist. Because I don't want to be in a relationship where my partner doesn't love me"

"I'm sorry" is all that Krist is able to say at that moment. He feels empty and there's no real though in his mind at that moment. 

Kay reaches over the table and takes a hold of Krist's left hand, squeezing it lightly. 

"I really hope you and Singto will talk and work it out. Loving someone is beautiful but even more beautiful is when the person you love loves you back. And with him, you can have all that" Kay says before letting go of Krist's hand and getting up from the chair. 

"I hope you'll find someone who is worthy of you" Krist quickly says when Kay is already half turning away. The younger one smiles at him sadly, nodding his head once. 

"I hope so too" he just says, walking out of the coffee shop. 

Krist stays there for a long time after Kay has left, not thinking about anything in particular. It's like his mind is empty of words, empty of commands how to move. He's not sad but he's definitely not okay either.  

When the sun has set down and the street lights are illuminating the area, he finally gets up. When he closes the door of the cafe, he knows that from now on he needs to find a new place to drink his coffee.