Bound To You (camren au)

please don't tear this apart

this chapter is a monster and it's so long but it's also kind of the chapter where everything goes down.... so..... hope you enjoy.... ;)

as usual comment and vote if you feel so inclined xoxoxo

(tw: homophobic slurs)

-

Camila's having a weird day.

"Do you ever get, like, bad nostalgia?" she wonders out loud, swiveling in her stool so she can look at Lauren. The green-eyed girl is struggling to put on her fake eyelashes, even though she does it literally every night.

"You mean PTSD?" Lauren jokes. Camila makes an uncomfortable noise in the back of her throat, and Lauren seems to think better of her comment. One hand still holding onto her eye, she puts the other on Camila's thigh and gives it a comforting squeeze. "Sorry," she says. "That wasn't funny. I get what you mean, though."

Camila places her hand on top of Lauren's, interlacing their fingers, smiling when Lauren looks up at her, dropping her fingers from her eye. "I was listening to one of my old playlists," Camila tells her, "because I was trying to pick a new song to perform, and this old country song came on- I don't know, it just reminded me of my childhood. But not in a good way."

It's funny, because everything about her childhood was good. She used to be so close to her dad. She was the quintessential daddy's girl - she was like his pride and joy, because she was so smart, so polite, everything a good daughter needed to be in his eyes. She used to look up to him so much, before she really started listening to him and heard him call gay people faggots and abominations who deserved to burn in hell for going against God's will. It reminds Camila of how she used to go to church every Sunday and feel sticky and sick and completely out of place once she discovered who she really was.

Her dad would've killed her if he knew. He was so mad just by her leaving Kansas and going to UCLA without him knowing. She still has his angry voicemails on her phone, still listens to them sometimes, tortures herself with his furious voice and feels like she's the worst person in the world. But it was like one day she had just looked over the dinner table at her dad and realized he was nowhere close to the man she thought he was.

He used to be her hero, but there was just so much hate there. There finally came a time where she realized she could never look at him the same way ever again.

Lauren is staring at her curiously.

"Major daddy issues," Camila offers by way of explanation.

Something flashes in Lauren's expression, and she gives her a gentle, sympathetic smile. "I get it," she says. "Dads suck."

She says it like she knows from experience, and the thought makes Camila unbelievably sad. Impulsively, she hops off her stool and wraps Lauren in a tight hug. Lauren lets out a small huff of surprise, but it relaxes into a giggle, and she hugs Camila back.

"You're an angel," she says, voice muffled by Camila's shoulder. "You know that? Best person ever."

A laugh bubbles up from Camila's throat. "You're ridiculous," she says, feeling a sudden rush of fondness for the girl in front of her. "I'm just giving you a hug."

It's a lot more, though. Camila thinks they kind of both know that.

-

Lauren gets sick right before Christmas.

-

"Do we do a Christmas show?" Camila asks. Before rehearsal started, Dinah walked in wearing the most egregious ugly Christmas sweater and insisted on making pretend snow angels on the stage. Lauren sat beside her and stared off into space with that slightly glazed look that originally made Camila think she was probably hungover. But that was what she thought two days ago when Lauren started acting all sluggish - this is definitely something else.