Please Take My Hand (A BJA FF)

It's Written In Cold Blood

    I told my aunt what happened and she told me she didn’t want me there. She didn’t want to have to baby me or clean up a mess, so I talked to Billie and his mom. They allowed me to come stay till it would happen. Mrs. Armstrong didn’t want me to go out or move around so much because she didn’t want it to happen at the wrong place at the wrong time. I mostly stayed in my pajamas and lay in bed. Billie spent every hour by me. He would read kid stories which made me giggle and then play a few songs that he had been working on. Finally, Thursday morning I woke and my stomach cramped. It was like my period but a bit worse. Billie was out meeting up with Mike and Tre. I didn’t want him here while I was like this. Mrs Armstrong was now by my side every minute. I’m So thankful for them. She gave me a pain pill and I fell back to sleep. I woke up two hours later in a sweat. I felt cold and had chills one second then the next I was burning up. I was breathing heavy. Mrs. Armstrong rubbed my head with a cold rag. I felt something indescribable then I nodded to her.

(Billie POV)

I had to meet with the boys to explain to them why I haven’t been around or calling. I broke down in the middle of telling them. I felt so horrible. My Baby was still inside of her dead and we’ve been waiting for her body to just kick it out like garbage. I told them I needed to head home. I figured I’d walk to the flower shop to get her some flowers. I saw the prices. They were a bit out of my range. I only had a few dollars so I bought a red rose and a white rose; red for her and White for my baby. I walked home rather sluggishly. I was depressed. I don’t think I could cry another tear. I had to be dried out by now. I finally made it home.

“I’m home!” I shut the door behind me. I heard loud cries coming from the bedroom. I dropped the flowers and jetted to the room. “KENDRA!” I ran in. the covers were pulled back, she wasn’t there I looked around and saw mom running from the bathroom. My eyes grew wide as I saw traces of blood on her shirt.

“Billie get out you don’t need to see this!” She pushed me out. I took a quick peek toward the bathroom were I heard cries of pain. There was blood on the toilet. I saw Kendra’s legs, only up to her knees. She was lying down. One leg was raised higher as if she were slightly scrunched up. I could only think it was from the pain. There was a bit of blood on them.  She shut the door in my face and I heard it lock. I put my hands to the door when I heard some talking. I put my ear to the door but everything was muffled. Then I heard a familiar sound.

“No.” I said under my breath. My eyes teared up again. I never thought the sound of a toilet flushing could be so painful.  I smashed my forehead in the door and gritted my teeth. I turned to my back, and then slowly fell to the floor. I raised my knees and rested my head between them with my hands to the back of my head. My head throbbed from all the crying I had been doing. My eyes burned as there was hardly any tears left to fall, and my heart ached as each shattered piece seemed to slowly fall apart. The shower started running.

     I sat up several minutes later. I wish I could forget everything that had happened.  I saw a small blood stain on my shirt and was quickly reminded. I heard Kendra’s voice. She was back at the bed. I heard the door unlock and it opened. I turned, still on the floor. Kendra was back in bed covered with two blankets, and a rag on her head. She looked a bit pale. Mom stepped over me carrying a few blood stained rags. I looked to the bathroom. It smelled of bleach and was clean, but will it ever really be clean, or will its nightmare forever be embedded in my head. I gulped and crawled to her bedside. I got up on my knees and rubbed the back of my fingers on the side of her cheek.

(Kendra POV)   

    I was so tired. My back hurt so I laid on my side. I still had some cramps but I think they were just after effects. I had a heating pad over the lower part of my stomach. God I don’t ever want to go through that kind of pain again. I felt a warm touch to my cheek. I reached up to it and it was a hand. A few fingers laced with mine. I opened my eyes to see Billie looking back at me. He looked terrible. I could tell he had been crying. I smiled a little to reassure him. He did the same. My eyes felt heavy as I slowly blinked.

“I need to talk to you. Lay with me?” He nodded then slowly pulled back the covers and laid on his side facing me. He went to put his arm around me but pulled back. “it’s ok.” I grabbed his wrist under the covers and slowly rested his hand on my hip bone.

“Im so sorry Kendra.” His voice crackled a bit. I just shook my head and smiled.

“I have to tell you something, but I don’t want you to hate me. I already talked to your mom as I sat in the shower.” I had my eyes shut but I did everything I could not to fall asleep.

“I could never hate you.” His other hand reached over and he grabbed my hand that was balled up to my stomach keeping the heating pad in place.

“I’ve decided to go back to Washington.”

“I don’t understand? Why? Your mom kicked you out.” I looked at him. He looked confused.

“She did because I was pregnant, and I’m not anymore. Plus I need to finish school. I don’t go to just any public school, I go to a charter school that’s high dollar. My mom paid lots of money for me to go there.”

“But you were obviously going to have to drop out anyway if you had planned on staying down here through the pregnancy.”

“I know but then even after the baby was born I’d have to pay for all of my own things like school wise and living wise. There I don’t. Now that my mother would reclaim me I would be provided with everything I need and not have to worry.”

“But I can provide for you, what is the big difference between here and there?” He was a bit upset. I didn’t really want to tell him because I didn’t want to be treated differently but I guess I have to now.

“Billie my parents are rich…” I said as if I was in shame. His eyebrow scrunched together. “They have their own mini runway and jet plane for god sakes. My mother is very high class and when she found out I got pregnant she was appalled. The last daughter my age that was pregnant was called a whore, and their parents were called every name you could think of for allowing it to happen. She didn’t want me to ruin her reputation so she ordered me to get an abortion. I refused so she told me to leave and that I was cut off until I returned without any traces of a child.” He just stared in amazement.

“So… so you’re just going to go up there and pretend nothing ever happened?” I nodded slowly.

“I Have too.”

“Will I ever see you again? Can we at least keep in touch? I mean you can’t just toss me aside like me and the baby never existed! There’s too much emotion and shit going on to just pretend it never happened!” He quickly ranted as I kept my head down. “Are you just gonna flush me down the toilet too!?” His last statement hit me I jerked my head up and looked him in the eyes angered.

“Do you think I enjoyed that!? That was the fucking hardest thing I ever had to do! I will forever have nightmares! That placed a permanent scar on my heart…” I choked out the last bit as I started crying. I pulled my hands to my face.

“I’m really sorry Kendra I didn’t mean that it’s just… with everything going on... this past week has just been an emotional roller coaster. I understand that it will be better for you to be home were you don’t have to worry about things financially. I just don’t want to lose touch with you, and I don’t want you to forget me is all. I’ve grown so much closer to you the past week so of course it’s going to be hard for me to let go.” He pulled my hands down and rubbed the side of my cheek.

“Billie, I could never forget about you.” I grabbed his hand. “It’s seems like we’ve been through so much more than any married couple.” I laughed a bit. He did too. “I really care about you and I always will no matter where I am or who I’m with. You’ll always have a permanent place in my heart.” He smiled and kissed my hand.”

“And you’ll always be in mine.”

“And I will certainly keep in touch and call you as much as possible. Probably till it even bugs you.” We shared a laugh. It was true, I wanted to stay in touch even if it meant going behind my mother’s back in doing so. I really cared for him and wanted him to be in my future somehow whether it meant we would be together as lovers or just friends