Torn Between

PROLOGUE

Prologue

"Aalis ka?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko sa kaibigan ko. Bakit parang biglaan naman ata?

"Yes. We've been planning that since I was ten, Gabbi. My dad wants us to stay with him in Cali." Sagot niya.

"Why didn't you tell me before? Sana sinabi mo sa akin noon pa para naman napaghandaan ko." Matagal ko ng kaibigan si Jensen, naging kaibigan ko siya dahil crush niya 'yong kaibigan kong transferee noon. After he asked me about my girl friend, we became close.

"Sorry. I just thought that it's better to tell it to you when everything's already finalized." Aniya. Well, wala naman akong karapatan para pigilan siya sa gusto niya. Who am I to dictate what he'll do in his life? Buhay niya 'yon, I should be supporting him in everything.

"Kailan ba alis mo?" I asked.

"Bukas." Sagot niya dahilan kung bakit nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

"What!? You're already leaving tomorrow? Bukas na agad!?" Natawa siya sa naging reaksyon ko.

"Yes. Bukas na. Naayos na lahat ni mommy lahat ng papers na kailangan ko sa paglipat. Last week pa." Sabi niya. Sinapak ko naman siya. Kaya pala lagi dito ang mommy niya dahil inaayos na ang mga papers niya.

"Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi? Last week pa pala."

"Well, I don't want you to think about it too much. When I'm Cali already, we'll still communicate. Lagi mo pa din akong makakausap, hindi nga lang sa personal but it's okay, right? Atleast, we'll see each other thru the screen." Natatawang sagot niya. Alam ko naman na imposible ang sinabi niya. We can't talk anytime I want. Magkaiba ang oras namin, and I know that he'll become busy with his life there.

"Okay. Sabi mo 'yan, ha?" I said. I'm trying not to make our conversation heavy. Ayokong maging seryoso ang usapan namin dahil baka maiyak lang ako. He's been with me for a long time kaya matinding adjustment ang gagawin ko kapag umalis na siya.

Kinabukasan ay maaga akong gumising dahil sasama ako na ihatid sila sa airport. I also want to say goodbye to his mom and his younger brother. Mabilis lang akong naligo at nagbihis dahil maaga daw akong susunduin dito sa bahay.

"Good morning, tita!" I greeted.

"Good morning din, hija." Bati ng mommy niya sa akin. Pumasok ako sa kanilang sasakyan at tumahi kay Jensen na nakapikit at nakasuot ng earphones.

"Hi, Jaydee!" Bati ko sa kaniyang kapatid.

"Hi, ate!" Sabi naman niya.

It took us almost an hour to get to the airport.

"Jed, wake up... Huy, Jensen Dale!" Unti-unti niyang minulat ang kaniyang mga mata at bahagyang nagulat nang makita ako.

"Ano? Wala ka bang balak lumabas ng sasakyan? Maiiwan na kayo ng eroplano." Natatawa kong sabi. Sobrang himbing kasi ng tulog niya, mukhang napuyat kagabi.

Lumapit ako kay Tita Ann para yakapin siya. "Have a safe flight, tita."

"Ingat, Jaydee! Pakabait ka doon. Pasalubong ko pagbalik niyo, ha?" Natawa silang lahat sa sinabi ko.

At nang bumaling na ako kay Jensen ay natahimik sila. Nilapitan ko siya at niyakap.

"Pakabait ka doon, ha? Lagi kang tatawag kapag may oras ka, okay? I'll miss you..." I bit my lower lip to stop myself from crying. I don't want him to see me cry right now.

After that, pumasok na sila sa loob.

Umalis na rin kami doon at umuwi na. When I got home, I received a message from Kairo.

From: Kairo

May gagawin ka ngayon? Usap tayo.

**

"Let's break up." My forehead creased when be suddenly spoke. We've been staring at each other and no one wants to speak for a couple of minutes.

"What's this, Kai? Anong kalokohan na naman ba 'to?" I asked, trying not to be affected with what he just said.

"Ayoko na." He simply answered that made me raised my eyebrows.

"What the hell? You're seriously giving me that answer, Kairo? C'mon, is this a prank?"

"No, it's not. I want us to break up." He said as he stared at me intensely. His eyes never left mine, his stares were indicating that he's serious.

"Why? Why are you suddenly wants us to break up? We were okay, right? We just celebrated our anniversary, tapos ngayon ayaw mo na?" Pilit kong pinapakalma ang sarili ko at pilit kong pinapaniwala ang sarili ko na hindi ito totoo.

Masaya naman kami. Wala naman kaming pinag-aawayan ngayon. Wala kaming problema. We're perfectly fine but why is he asking for break up?

"We're okay. I just think that we're still too young for something like this?"

"Huh? Too young? Wala namang age requirement sa pagmamahal, ah? Our parents are not against our relationship. Sinusuportahan nga tayo. So, anong problema?" Giit ko. There's no problem when you date in a young age. As long as you already know what's right and wrong and your limitations, and as long as your parents approved it.

"I know that. But you know, we're still young. We should explore more, we should have fun just like the others. We should prioritize more on what's important. Gabbi, madami pa tayong pwedeng gawin."

"Can't we explore more together? Can't we have fun together? Hindi ba pwedeng gawin ang mga 'yon habang magkasama tayo?" I asked. Seriously, hindi ko alam kung bakit ito ang pinag-uusapan namin ngayon. Kakatapos lang ng finals namin, tapos ito agad ang bubungad sa akin?

"We can do a lot better individually, Gabbi." Aniya.

"We dreamed together, remember? We talked about the future together. We planned everything together and now you're leaving me? Paano na 'yung mga pangarap natin nang makasama? Paano na 'yung mga pangako mo?" My voice was shaking now and my tears will fall anytime.

"I can still fullfil the promises I made but... not now. Maybe, in the future? If I'd still have the chance, then, I'll fulfill my promises to you."

"What if there won't be a chance in the future?"

"I will look for a chance no matter what happens." I looked away. Sa bawat salitang binibitawan niya, mas lalong bumibigat ang puso ko.

"Kung may balak ka palang tuparin ang mga pangako mo, bakit kailangan mo pang umalis? Bakit kailangan mo pa akong iwan?" Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtulo ng luha ko.

"You're giving me all of your time which is not good. I don't like it. Give a time for yourself too. Ang dami mo nang napapabayaan. We should grow for the better even if that means growing apart. If it's really you and me in the end, it will happen, Gabbi." Aniya at hinawakan ang kamay kong nasa binti ko. He handed me his handkerchief but I didn't accept it. Kaya naman, hinawakan niya ang balikat ko at iniharap sa kaniya.

He placed his hand on my chin and made me look at him. He gently wiped my tears away.

"Please, stop crying. Ayokong nakikita kang umiiyak."

"But you're making me cry." I said.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." Aalis na sana siya pero pinigilan ko siya.

"Kairo."

"What?"

"Is this what you really want?" I asked.

"Yes. This is what I want. So, please, let's make it worth it. Focus on your goals, alright? Let's chase our dreams even if we'll do it separately." Nakangiti siya habang sinasabi ang mga 'yon. Hindi ko na siya pinigilan sa pag-alis. I let him walked away.