No Looking Back

Chapter 30

Calum's POV:

"I'm taking you out." I say to Mackenzie,who is in shock. "I'm only taking you out because I feel bad Luke didn't show up,so don't get too excited." I joke.

"..Calum you don't have to." Mackenzie says still in shock.

"But I want to,let's go." I grab her by the hand and lead her out the house,I lock up and we go to my car.I open the door up for her and once she gets in I close it,I make my way over to the drivers side and I get in and start up the car,"Where do you want to go?"

"Where do you want to go?" 

"Mackenzie,you choose.I want you to be happy tonight,I don't care if we have to drive to the other side of the country,I'll go anywhere if it makes you happy."

"Just surprise me,let's go to a fancy restaurant though,we don't want to look like weirdasses in a restaurant like Macca's." Mackenzie says and we both start cracking up.We drive in silence,not the bad kind of silence,the good kind of silence where you feel comfortable and you feel happy because you're with your bestfriend kind of silence.After a few minutes of driving around to find a restaurant,I find a perfect one.My mom always told me to bring my girlfriend here but I never really found anyone worth bringing here,I've had lots of girlfriends but I just never brought them here.I decided to bring Mackenzie here because I know it will cheer her up,I've only been here with my family and I loved it,hopefully she will too.Once I park the car I quickly get out and rush over to Mackenzie's side and I open the door for her.We walk up to the restaurant together and the restaurant owner recognizes me so he lets us cut in front of the long line, "Woah Calum Hood,aren't you popular." Mackenzie whispers in my ear.

"Shut up!" I tease,"I used to come here with my family all the time."

"Aw that's so cute."Right when we arrive at our table,I pull out Mackenzie's chair for her and once she sits down,I push it in for her and I go sit down, "You're such a gentleman Calum.I had no idea,no wonder you get all these girls."But the truth is,Mackenzie is the first girl I have ever treated like this.

"Yeah I guess so." I say as I feel my cheeks getting red so I grab the menu and cover my face with it.After I finally feel my cheeks cool down I put the menu down.

"Woah Calum,you were reading that menu for like ever." Mackenzie lets out a giggle, "They must have some really good food here huh?"

"Yes!The best actually,did I tell you that you look beautiful tonight?"

"No you didn't but thank you Calum,you look handsome tonight too." I notice that her cheeks are getting slightly pinker than they already are and I feel happy.

"Aw only tonight?" I joke,"You look beautiful every day but tonight it's like woah."

"Aww Calum,you're too sweet." Mackenzie says as she smiles at me.I can't help but smile back at her too.She really is beautiful.

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"Calum thank you so much for tonight,I had a really great time.Thank you." Mackenzie says as I drop her off at her house.

"No,thank you Mackenzie.I haven't had a date as amazing as tonight in a long time,thank you."

"Aw Cal,I'll text you later?"

"Yeah," I lay a kiss on Mackenzie's cheek,"Goodnight."

"Goodnight." I watch Mackenzie enter her home safely and I drive home,I see another car in my driveway and as I get closer I see whose it is.Luke.I speed up and pull up quickly into my driveway and get out of my car and try to find him.

"Luke.What the fu.."I stop yelling at him once I realize he's crying,"Holy shit Luke are you okay?"

"No Calum.I feel so bad,I didn't take Mackenzie out on a date because I felt like I couldn't do it and I didn't even text her either so now I feel worse.She probably hates me now man,but it's okay because I hate myself too dude.I don't even know what to do with my life anymore..some days I'm really happy and I don't think about her and other days like today I'm really sad and I can't stop thinking about her.Maybe it's because I love her and I probably always will but to be honest,lately I feel like love isn't real.I used to believe it was real,but then once you've had your heart torn out and thrown on the floor,you just don't care anymore.I don't even deserve Mackenzie,I don't even deserve to be happy ever again,not after I literally killed the love of my life."

"Jesus Luke,can you stop putting yourself down and just get over her already?She's gone and she's not coming back like ever,you didn't kill her okay so stop blaming yourself for that.It fucking kills me to see you this way,you do deserve Mackenzie because you deserve to be happy.You know what you need to do?You need to find something that makes you happy and don't ever let anyone take it away from you.I love you Luke,I always will and I'm always here for you too.Promise me that you'll stop putting yourself down?I promise you,you'll get over her.Trust me!"

"It's easier said than done..I can't just stop putting myself down like that,you have to give it time Calum.We both know I'm depressed so please don't try to act like if I'm a little ball of sunshine because I'm not and you know it.Depression is like a war.You either win or die trying.I don't think I'm winning Calum."

"Shut up Luke."I slap him,"If you try you can do it!"I say my voice all saky because I am about to break down in tears,"Luke if you fucking die,I will die too.You're my bestfriend I seriously don't know how I will live without you."

"You've done it before." 

"What?" 

"You've lived without me before..you'll be fine.You've lived without me before we met soo."

"Luke,why do you give all this great advice and you can't even follow it yourself?You've lived without Aleisha before,so you're going to be fine buddy.Just give it time."

"Yeah but I'm not even happy with myself anymore and I haven't felt happy with myself in a long time.We all know that the day Aleisha died,I died too.Michael was the first one to say it,you know it's true." I know it's true and that's what hurts the most.. "Calum,I honestly don't think I'll ever be happy with myself,I worry that if I can't be happy with myself,then nobody can ever be happy with me,and that just makes me even more paranoid.It's a cycle,insecurity,unconfidence,it's all a cycle and it's destroying me."

"It's destroying all of us too Luke,especially Mackenzie.She wants to be happy with you but you won't let her,you could be happy with her too but you just won't open up your eyes.You just need to open up your eyes and see life how it really is,not how you think it is.Just cause you lose somebody doesn't mean you stop living.Trust me Luke,once you open up your eyes and accept reality as it is,you'll be happier in no time.Don't worry,Mackenzie doesn't hate you.No one hates you.Mackenzie will forgive you,I know she will,she'll understand.Now let's go inside I'm freezing."