IF I CAN (NOT) BE YOURS

Chapter 10 - Bait

                                                                               (SHINJI'S POV)

My heart throbs like it wants to explode.

I miss her.

I'm scared of her.

It's all unbearable.

I know I shouldn't apologize for any of my actions since that isn't what she needs from me. Also, the very act of appearing any close to being apologetic will surely strike me dead. No. That Shinji was dead. The past musn't crawl back. Not now. Not ever.

Think Shinji.

What would she want from me?

            "You guessed it,"  

My mind recounts her last words before she leaves my apartment. I've never felt more alone since the moment she left that room. It was as if all the warmth snuck out and left me in the cold vacum.

Was she mad? Disappointed? I have no answer. 

I saw Touji's profile blinking on my screen. I put him on loudspeaker as I button up my shirt.

"Shin-man."

It sounds like he's still in the shower.

"You're gonna be late, Touji."

"It will be a tremendous honor to break some more school rules before I graduate, thank you."

I thought of graduation for a second and imagined how everyone's lives are about to start. On the other hand, it feels like mine's already at the verge of collapse. 

"Damn it."   I might have said that out loud.

"What was that?"  I could hear the trickling sound going down. Touji just turned off his shower.

"Hey, Touji."  I know this is far-fetched. But I could give it try.

"Let's say I have to deal with an extremely emotionally-charged situation..."

"Okay?"

"A-and I've gotta find a way to  somehow  hold things together - because it could be too complicated and volatile... And I know that by just doing one stupid stunt, I will completely blow up my life like it's the fourth impact."

"Chill out, will you? Even if it's the fourth impact, you've got nothing to worry about. You saved the world, remember?"

"...I don't know."

"Come on. You got this."

Maybe he's right. Maybe I'm just over reacting. Maybe the best way to handle Asuka is to keep it light. 

"Thanks, Touji."

"Hey, no worries. Geez. And it's not like you accidentally slept with the Queen of the Damned, right? I mean, THAT is fourth impact, man, if you eventually get back to your senses. Other than that, you'd be fine."

"Right."

I hung up. I have to see Kaji.

                                                                                   (ASUKA'S POV)

I overslept and missed the first two periods. Damn it. I can't believe Misato didn't bother to wake me up. Oh wait. She did. I was just too tired to get up. 

Du blöder Idiot.

I didn't want to create any drama so I hope Shinji wouldn't think that my being late today was about last night.