Shine like the Stars

04 | lisa

I took a deep breath as I stood in front of my dance studio. It wasn't that I was nervous, more of what I had to face today.

I was getting bullied constantly there, from saying I'm too skinny to insults that because I'm not Korean (I'm Thai and proud) I'm not as good as them and so on. They were just whispers at first, and fairly easy to shut down. Then they grew to full rumors, and it became tiring to try and reason with the same crap every day. So I just learned to grin and bear it, ignoring it as much as I could.

But it did get hard sometimes. I'd be in a bad space mentally, and something they say that normally wouldn't bother me would make me break down and lock myself in the building's bathroom. Those days were few, thank goodness.

My teacher, Matthew or BM, as was his stage name, was very supportive of me, and would often stop the rumors before they got to be too much. His assistant, Somin, was one of the sweetest ladies ever and often spent a lot of time with me so I wouldn't be alone. They radiated positivity, but whenever I was there, all I felt was negativity.

At least Matthew would take me underground tonight. He was a dance teacher by day, and an underground rapper by night. He started taking me when he caught me alone one day after practice and heard me rapping along to one of our songs. He told me that I had potential and was becoming fluent as he was in English, which was a huge compliment to me; he was from Los Angeles and English was his native tongue, and to tell me that I was just as good?!

So he started taking me and trying to encourage me to get up and rap a song that I knew. I refused the majority of the time, afraid I'd slip up, but there were times that I just did go up there, and everyone loved me; "not many girlies on the mic and can actually rap," as most said.

Knowing that I had that to look foward to tonight, I took another deep breath and entered the studio, walking down the winding hallways until I came upon our studio. Matthew was already there, chatting with Somin, who was on the floor and stretching.

"Oh hey, Lalice! You excited for tonight?" Matthew asked, waving me over and Somin smiling warmly at me. I nodded, bouncing up and down on my heels. I often went by "Lisa", but ever since Matthew read my full name (Lalisa) for the first time, he coined the nickname "Lalice" for me, and honestly I liked it, so much I considered changing my stage name from "Lisa" to "Lalice".

Tonight was a special night in the underground rapping scene. It's the Annual Rapper's Contest, where amateur rappers would write their own raps, perform while the MC recorded it and posted the full night on YouTube. Rappers have actually gotten scouted from those videos, and Matthew was more determined than ever to make me go up and rap. I was hesitant at first, but one night, an idea for a rap hit me and I scribbled it down, practicing for this night.

"You're gonna be great, Lisa. I know you are. Just relax and have fun," Somin said, continuing to stretch but still making eye contact with me. "Thanks, Somin. I'm just super hyped!" I exclaimed, hopping up and down. Matthew laughed and took notice to other kids starting to trickle in. "Aish, class already? I just got here!" he huffed, and Somin gave him a somewhat scolding look. "You were late, Matthew. I had to call you because I couldn't get inside the studio and you weren't even ready!" "I know, I know! Sheesh, Minnie, cut me some slack!" Matthew joked. "If I cut you slack all the time, I might as well take over your role as teacher," Somin remarked, playfully rolling her eyes.

"Anyway!" Matthew jumped up and clapped, gathering everyone's attention. "Now, remember, final run-throughs are this week, performances on Wednesday and Thursday of next week! Everyone, let's get changed and stretched!" "You all will do great, keep in mind to relax and have fun with it!" Somin encouraged, giving us all a thumbs-up.

And on that note, class started, the rumors being overshadowed and forgotten on account of performances next week.

···

I was standing in front of my apartment building, waiting for Matthew to drive by and pick me up. I had swapped the sweats and black tank top I usually wear for dance for a cropped sweatshirt and high-waisted shorts, my chunky Doc Martens completing the look. My black hair was tied back in a high ponytail, my bangs covering my forehead.

I sighed and was about to sit on the street with my phone out when a car drove up and the window rolled down, revealing Matthew grinning widely. "Sorry I'm late, Lalice. You ready for tonight?" he asked, putting his hazard lights on and unlocking the car. I made sure no cars were coming before I ran around to the passenger side and sliding inside, turning to answer him.

"I'm kinda scared, but like full of energy too? It's weird, but I'm ready!" I rambled a bit, bouncing up and down in my seat. Matthew laughed and said, "Buckle up kiddo, and we'll get going!"

···

The smaller, abandoned building that we normally visited was packed, cars surrounding the entire building. People were constantly trickling in and out, ranging from teenagers to adults. I felt a sudden wave of anxiety flow through me, worried that I might not match up to the others.

"You're gonna do great, Lalice. I just know it." Matthew cheered before gathering his stuff and exiting the car. I was going over my rap one last time as I got out of the car, so immersed in it that I didn't even notice that I had hit someone with the car door.

"Hey!" a voice called, and I followed the sound of the voice. I saw a kid not much older than me with silvery hair, turning around and rubbing his back. I quickly put two and two together and started bowing and apologizing.

"No, you're-- Lisa?" the kid said. I rose from my bow and was met with my childhood friend, BamBam. I squealed and closed the car door, running over to hug him. "Bam!!" I squeaked, and he laughed before hugging me back.

"What are you doing here? I didn't know you liked underground rap," BamBam asked. "My dance teacher brought me once, and I loved it. I've been coming back ever since!" I explained. He took my arm and started leading me in, still asking questions.

"Were you gonna take part in the contest today?" BamBam asked. "I was planning to. I still kinda have doubts about it though," I replied, clinging to his arm.

We had entered the building now, and literally every space in the building was crammed with people. There were even kids on the beams where the roof used to be; people just trying to fit and still see what's going on.

"Lalice!" I barely heard Matthew's call over people talking, looking up to see him wading through crowds of people to get to me. Once he reached me and BamBam, he sighed and took in a deep breath. "You kinda can't do the contest." he said, and half of me was relieved, but the other half was furious.

"What? Why?" I asked, my lips curving into a frown. "I told the dude in charge my friend Lalisa wanted to sign up, and the excuse he gave me was that they were full. I knew that was bullcrap though, and I made him tell me what he had against women on the mic. He said that they shouldn't be on the mic, and it's not where they belong..." Matthew explained, looking uncomfortable at having to repeat his words.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. I played it off, but it secretly stung. "I'm so sorry, Lalice. I tried to reason with him, I swear." Matthew apologized, but I waved it away. "It's fine. I wasn't that excited anyway." I said, and the boys exchanged a look, knowing that I was making excuses.

"C'mon, Lisa. I'll take you guys out for dinner," BamBam said. Matthew perked up and said, "You just won me over, kid." I laughed, me and BamBam following Matthew as he pushed and slid behind people to get out.

Maybe a night with my friends would make me forget all this.