Maybe, A Trip

Chapter Forty One

"Alam mo, iinom mo na lang 'yan." Xia told me and raised a glass for me.

I accepted the glass from Xia and gulped it straight. Her mouth formed an 'o' before pouring another.

"Papatayin mo ata ako, hard drinks pa 'yan." Usal ko pero ngumiti lang siya sa 'kin.

We're currently here in Bon's condo. Dahil tinamad na naman akong mag bar, dito kami napadpad. May music lang na mahina para hindi maging mas nakakalungkot ang atmosphere.

Tyler left a while ago He left, again. That was it. Ganon na lang talaga 'yon. After Xia texted me, natulala lang ako---unable to do what's next. Natulala lang ulit ako nang sumigaw si Bon hudyat na nanalo siya sa paglalaro. Agad akong dumeretso sa banyo pagkatapos.

He really meant that he'll leave. Siguro hindi na talaga niya gustong ipush ang sarili niya sa 'kin. That was it. That's really it. Tangina. Bakit ang sakit?

After all those years of trying to move on from him, his charm, his substances, and our moments we shared together from the past are the one stopping me up to now. I couldn't be lying if I wasn't tried to communicate nor see him in just an inch before. Siguro one time, I'm about to try but because of pride I wouldn't be able to do it. Inaamin ko sobrang ayoko na magkaroon ng kahit ni isang interaction with him even in social media but my thoughts were always flying for him. I just made a decision before that I should be moving on that's why I stopped that sense. But now was different. I think I would push myself into moving on literally because he left, in the second time around.

"Do you think falling in love would be a nice asset to be happy?" Biglang tanong ni Chescka sa 'kin habang may hawak na baso ng alak. Wala si Bon sa tabi niya dahil nag banyo. Xia on the other hand was busy on her phone. I looked at her.

"What do you mean?" I asked. She rested her back at the sofa and looked at me with her soft expression.

"You can be happy without being inlove, SB. As I saw you two years ago, you tried your best to be yourself---you even had your dream, right? Kaya ng isang taong maging masaya kahit sarili lang ang kasama." I chuckled.

"Paano kung ikaw ang nasa posisyon ko?" I asked calmly. She smiled. "Siguro kaya ko din maging masaya. Andiyan naman kayo," Medyo napangiti ako sa sinabi niya. She has a point.

Pero hindi din lahat kayang maging masaya mag-isa. I wonder how independent people do it. However, I would like to be one of them right now. After another heartbreak, I must say that I needed those happiness in me. Ang sakit lang na iniwan nga niya talaga ako, ulit. Sa pangalawang pagkakataon. Para sa pangarap niya.

Pagkatapos ng pag-iisip ay nilulong ko na lang ang sarili ko sa alak. We enjoyed the night drinking and sharing some stories out of my league. Ni hindi ko na binanggit ang pangalan ni Tyler. Ganon din naman sila.

Hindi na ako umuwi ng condo. Dito na ako natulog sa condo ni Bon dahil hindi ko kayang mag drive pauwi at hindi ko na din binalak dahil nasa condo naman ako ng kapatid ko.

Maagang umalis si Bon dahil may errand siya. Ako naman dahil medyo late ako nagising, humingi na lang ako ng day-off. Ngayon lang naman nangyari 'to. Gusto ko munang magpahinga.

I took a bath and decided to go to the gym. Good thing, I have some clothes here in Bon's condo.

It's been days since I did not go for a workout. Since I'm still in a hangover, dumaan muna ako sa cafe para bumili ng kape bago pumunta sa gym. At sa kamalas-malasan nga naman, I saw Gynalene working out. I entered the gym fiercely and put my tumbler down near Gynalene. She looked at me while continuing her work out.