A Mini Poetry Series: Bye my Blue

Epilogue: What's Next?

Love unveiled, feelings unmasked.

no longer my sight was blinded by you.

I called what we had with love,

but was it really love?

You were a coward for pushing and pulling with our relationship,

playing with my heart as if it was a toy,

or a place you could simply come and go anytime.

You told me you were afraid of hurting me,

but without you knowing,

a lot of actions you did hurt me already.

With secrets always kept under your sleeves,

lies hidden well behind your eyes,

and countless times you made me feel as if I am second or third or fourth in your life.

I am important to you.

But just not as important as your friends, your ego, and your fun.

You need me to be there to make sure someone will always be there for you.

To make sure you are always loved, and well taken care of.

But did you really love me?

I wanted to believe you did.

But maybe from the very beginning,

you were always in love with the idea of yourself being in love,

or you simply love the feeling of knowing you are loved.

I really wanted to believe you really love(d) me.

But maybe you love(d) the version of me that you created in your head.

I am not the girl of your dreams.

I am not that girl who can fill your pleasure the way you like.

I am not that type of fun girl who can play with you and pleases you.

I am not that girl who could just listen for hours to you tales of life without you asking me back for my doing and well-being.

I am a girl who had offered a heart filled with love,

who aspire to move your heart and make you the better person.

Someone who have hoped that maybe we could grow together,

into someone we will be proud of in the future.

Also a girl who simply hopes she could receive love from a guy 

she poured with much love and effort.

I am a girl who simply wanted to love and to be loved, equally.

But even that little things you fail to do,

as you always keep me in a hazy view of where we are standing.

You have taken my love for granted,

I wonder what will you do if I really take that love away from you forever.

What if I was gone from your life;

would you feel empty because you have lost someone who love(d) you that much?

Or would you finally recognized you feelings as love and started treating me better after I came back?

Useless what ifs through my mind,

again.

God, I just wish feelings would die;

so that it'd be easy for us.

You can call me friend,

and so do I.

There would not be complicated issue tugging behind this little heart.

But for now, in my eyes,

you were another coward who's afraid of loving truly and fully,

also a selfish bastard for wanting to love without the confidence in changes;

a fool I love(d).

But who cares about love in cases like this.

As much as I love(d) you, 

I do not want you anymore.

Unless changes come in,

your heart and eyes were finally opened.

But I do not know how long I can wait.

I do not want to wait forever.

Perhaps I just want to give you time until my feelings passed

or died just in time.

-so, what's next?