Thin

Chapter One - Hunger

Chapter One – Hunger

I turn the small red object ever so slowly around against my sweaty palm, trying not to think. If I think too much, the pounding headache gets worse and the pangs of hunger threaten to take over. But if I try my best not to think, then in that quiet perfect moment I could barely even feel it.

        The small apple looks so good; it has a few bruises but what school served apple doesn't? I want it so bad. I have to sink my teeth into its fleshy skin, letting the sweet juice trail down my face. It only has 70 calories and Dad will be at Jimmy’s tonight, so he won't even be home for dinner; you don'tt have to eat anything later. Or maybe just go for an extra mile jog tonight, which could work. I could taste the apple, the sweet juice that oozes out, the feel of the skin as I take a bi – no. Maybe it looks good now, but will it later when you poke at the already too-much fat? Didn't think so.

         Sighing, I place the apple back on the near empty cheap plastic tray. Instead of eating the school lunch, like the girls that currently take up the table do, I slowly reach for the plastic bottle of water. Taking a nice, long gulp of the calories-less heaven, I screw on the tiny cap of it before looking over at Ali.

        Of course she’s already looking at me, she always does. “If you’re hungry, then why don’t you just eat it?”  

        Ali always asked me this; like I could afford to gain the extra calories. Can’t she see the elephant sized thighs that spread out under me when I sit? Or the fat that pokes out from under my baggy tee shirt? How about the logs that I call arms? I have so much fat on me; I don’t see why they don’t just kick me off of the cheer squad. My right hip could reach Canada while the left would stretch all the way to Mexico City, that’s how huge they are. But, oh, why don’t I just get fatter and fatter?

        "Oh, the apple doesn’t even look the slightest bit appealing. I’ll just eat later.” I lie, forcing a smile to form on my face. I just hope that she doesn’t look under the table, to see my foot jiggling up and down like it always does when someone notices or comments on my eating habits.

        “Kyleigh, come on, eat something; all that ever goes into you is water. You’re already so thin! It’s not like it’ll make you fat.” She lies to my face.

        She tries to sincere but the problem is that the whole freakin’ world lies. Eat this, eat that, you’ll still be skinny! Oh, you’re not fat! The lies are one of the reasons why I can’t let anyone figure out my secret; they’ll lock me up with lies and fatten me up with empty promises of happiness.

        Little Miss Alexandria Mackenzie West would, of course, say this. She can eat whatever she wants and not gain a single ounce of a pound, unlike me whose fat giggles whenever I walk. Even though I’m a size small for my cheer uniform, I’ll never have the same natural skinny frame that Ali has. She’s what all the boys want and what all the girls want to look like. I'm included in that, but not for long, I shall be thinner than she can ever dream of being. Ali had the perfect model face; the high cheek bones, a small cute nose, and full natural soft pink lips.  As cliché as it gets at the Cheer Table, Ali’s hair is the perfect shade of blonde that fit perfectly with her pale skin, it softly waved down past the end of her bra. Her eyebrows perfectly trimmed, two shades darker than her hair that matched perfectly with her deep jewel green eyes that seemed darker than they really were, thanks to her perfectly mascara covered black eyelashes.

        “I’ll just eat later, I promise.” I once again force out with that same forced fake smile. She may be a great friend, but her nagging for me to eat was getting old pretty fast. Can’t she just turn her head and pretend everything was perfectly normal, like everyone else does?

        As if reading my thoughts, she simply replies with a “good.” I can see that she wants to say more to me but didn’t want me to get upset. Good girl, Ali, good. Now go and talk to all the other small cheerleaders that surround me, that suffocate me. I wonder if any of the other girls here have the same goal as me: thin. Probably not; or at least not willing to go as far as I will to achieve my dream.

        The bell slices through the buzzing cafeteria, making kids jump up and leave. Their shoes making too much noise for my head to handle; their leftover food hoarding up the garbage can; their stomach filled with grease and cards and fat.

        Lifting my fat ass off the chair, I grab my lunch tray (the apple perfectly whole and the water bottle cleared off of any trance that water was once in there) and drag my body to walk to the large gray trash can on the other side of the cafeteria. Meghan Wilson trails quietly after me, probably still sulking around depressed from her “breakup.”

        I shake my head; can’t she ever stop crying and get over it? They weren’t even an official couple yet, so why’d the fact that Bryan Conner was caught by the cops at the end of Bakers’ Street with Laci – the freshman – naked in the backseat, upset her like this? I’m sure that it hurts and stuff but, get over it!

        Throwing away the contents of my uneaten lunch, I get rid of the all the temptations that could make me break. Breaking is bad; breaking would result in a fat Kyleigh Frost. Do I really want to see that again? I flinch at the thought of me being the chubby one who jiggled when she bounced around during cheerleading tryouts once again.

        No food; I am strong.

        Who even needs food? I mean, except for the little bit that that you have to eat to stay alive. All food is a bunch of junk that’s infested with high calories and fat.  Calories go straight to your stomach, arms, legs, face, and hips. Like my crazy next door neighbor, used to say when I was little, “a minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.” Who knew that at least one thing she ever said, would actually be true and not just plain old crazy?