FLAWLESSLY FLAWED

FIVE: LUST

"'R-raped' you?"

I saw Raven's face fell.

Raven visibly paled. his golden eyes shook in obvious agitation and his mouth seemed like they want to say a thousand words but can't.

He bit his lips. His jaws shaking. And he gulped.

I swear I saw the gold of his eyes paled to a dull chrome. He look me straight in the eyes. Flooding me with feelings and emotions I only saw for the first time.

"That's... That's what you believed all this time..." He wasn't asking. It seems like he's telling it to himself more than me.

I was dumbfounded.

What type of shit is this?

My mind emptied. All influence of alcohol flew off my brain that very moment.

I frown at Raven's expression

Why do you look like I ripped your heart from your chest and crush it in my hands?

Wasn't it you that trampled our friendship with the heels of your fucking shoes?!

STOP FUCKING SHITTING ME.

"If not, what was that?!" I screamed at him agitated by his reaction.

I don't ever want to remember it but the strength of his hands in my wrist comes rushing right back.

He bowed his head and covered his face with his right hand. The one that was wounded and bled again from how he clench them so tightly.

His shoulder shake.

Fuck!

Is... Is he crying?

"Heh."

Of course fucking no.

His shoulders continued shaking. But now it was obvious that he is laughing.

Damn it. He's really crazy. How can he laugh at this moment?

"Rape?" He muttered with mirth in his voice. "You're saying i 'raped' you?"

I twitch.

Fuck. The memories of that time were coming back to me.

He look up and his eyes where glowing. Like melted lava.

It was those eyes that I remember but different.

That time, All I can see was how he wanted to devour me whole. But right now, it looks like he wants to chew me first.

"You fucking call that 'Rape'?" He took his hand down. Some of the blood from his hands were on his cheek and there was an irritating smirk in his lips.

I involuntarily buried myself deeper in the couch when he move closer to lean to me.

I'm getting confused. That time was rough! And forceful! And it fucking hurts! So of course, it was?!

What is he trying to do to my brain right now?

He look at me as if I'm the most idiotically funny thing in the world.

His face is now the nearest it ever did this last three years. I can almost see the popping veins on his temple and the liquid glow of blood against his pale skin.

I can't help but take a gulp.

I want to escape. I have to escape.

I feel that I need to fucking escape!!

"Y-you... G-get away..." My voice shake. And it crack.

Crap. What's the matter with me? Why do I feel like I'm crumbling down? Shouldn't I be waving my arms and taking him down?!

"Heh." He snort. "Why?"

I can feel his hot breath fan my face and I can only stiffen.

He's close. Too close. So much closer than how he should be.

"Now you're scared I might 'rape' you again?" The acid in his words and the disgust in his voice when he say the word was too much. He sounds like he's spitting the most disgusting and rotten thing in the world.

Instead of getting away, he leaned even closer and move his arms to trap me inside.

His jaw clench and he met my shaking eyes.

"What type of brain do you have?" He look at my forehead like he wants to open it to take a peak at my fucking brain.

He smirk and look back at my eyes. He looks like he needs to say every word straight to my face."How could you forget what 'really' happened that night?" His eyes and his words ridicule me.

What is he talking about?

"Did you forget how you lean closer to me when I kissed your lips?..."

My eyes widen. W-what? I did what?

" Or Did you forget how you clench my shirt while kissing me back?..."

The fuck?

"Oh... maybe you forgot how your arms cling to my neck when you melt into my arms?"

"S-stop..." Fuck. Shit. Damn. Crap.

My head fucking hurts.

He glares at me. "Stop? Why?" He snarl every words. "Can't take the truth? Am I ruining that fucking sob story you make yourself believe just to run away from reality?! To fucking run away from ME?!"

"N-no..." My head feels like it's ripping in two. There's a part desperately clinging to what I 'believe' until now.

Damn Raven.

He forced himself on me.

We were drunk.

He might gotten crazy.

Maybe he took drugs that night too.

He force me to the bed and did unthinkable things to me.

I woke up with my mind in shreds.

My Mom was there. She saw what happened

She told me it's okay.

She saw. It wasn't my fault.

It was Raven.

He's a spoiled brat.

I was forced.

I should just forget it and get on with my life. I should get away from him too, while I'm at it.

I should act normal or we will be thrown out in the streets.

That's what happened. THAT WAS THE TRUTH.

"Are you really set on making me crazy, Nathan?..."

I can't help but close my eyes and crumple when I felt his body heat closer to me.

Yes. He's a crazy rich fucking bitch. He's probably mind fucking me.

I should escape.

"Do you know how much I want to strangle you but also wanting to kiss you until you can't breath right now?"

I slap my hands in my ears. He's just fucking my head. The fuck he's even saying? He's shitting me.

He forcefully took my hands down and lean even closer. I can hear his breath in my left ear now. "What? Can't bear to hear the truth? I see now..."

Fuck.

"You think you can escape and leave me crazy alone? You can't. I won't let you. I'll fucking force you to face it until you can swallow all of it down, Nathan."

"You can't be the only one crazy. I'll show you 'my' Crazy."