Everyone thinks they know the whole story even when they had no part in it.
This year, Lillian Rose is driven to prove her ex boyfriend's hands aren't wrapped around her throat anymore. She's digging up parts of herself she's long forgotten about...
a/n: i don't have sensitivity readers so if anything seems odd or misleading, please let me know. it's been a long time since i updated and even if 2022 wasn't the year i finished this, i'm hoping this year i will. this chapter is really important for not just the plot but for lilli. also, mind the chapter warnings and second note.
i do have a spotify playlist for tssoh, which is at the end, but it isn't complete or in any type of order.
thanks for sticking around, if anyone's still out there <3
NOTE: healing is a dark and bumpy road and the mind is very toxic when it comes to trauma and trying to heal. please don't believe in lilli's thoughts- at least not all of them. Proceed with caution, and understand that lilli's ideal path to "healing" quickly will not lead her to the happiness she thinks it will. know that lilli's story is not everyone's story, and that she's still just a teenager.
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There's a calm in numbness that starts to feel safe.
The nameless feeling that rests in my chest, the one I used to be afraid of; It's like that person you don't really like much but still talk to because they're funny. It's a heavy weight, compressing my lungs enough to almost stop breathing, but I've gotten used to letting it stay when it wants to.
Although a blanket is wrapped around my body, I can't help the shiver crawling through me. It's not raining, but the sun is weak when its light spreads across my room. At least I'll be able to wear a sweater.
There's an ache in my shoulder, one that I should probably fix by laying on my back. Unfortunately, it's been aching for hours, and I've yet to move.
October 31st. Halloween. Friday.
A lot happens in a year. Holidays, exams, dinners. Moments that feel like they'll never end grow dull and become a memory. The girl I was a year ago is not the same girl I am today. Add that to the list- personalities. Although a year feels so short, my mind feels much older. The bright smile I carried through childhood- replaced with a much softer, quieter smile. The urge to tilt my head and laugh loudly- diminished to silent laughter.
Already the plan I had for today is being rewritten. Wake up, get up, change, go to school, enjoy the day, attend the pep rally, watch the homecoming football game, go to homecoming for the last time. Waking up, I've done. Gotten up?
It all feels so far.
I shouldn't be lying in bed like this. I should be moving on. I should be healing.
"Healing is not a one-way street." Jenny's voice filters through my head at the thoughts. "You're going to have bad days. You're going to feel like nothing's changed. Allowing yourself bad days is healing. Hurting yourself over them isn't."
