"i could pull the stars down from the sky and give them to you, and you would still find a reason to say no, wouldn't you, gemma? you would still fucking go choose him."
i felt like the world was crashing down on me. the one person i was completely...
chapter playlist ⏯ • we don't talk anymore - charlie puth • hold onto me - mayday parade • let it go - james bay
---- a couple weeks later MARCH gemma <<<
gemmaclark
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gemmaclark i let @sloanehathaway make me a brunette again and take pictures of me wearing this fun dress!! i love having talented friends load more comments sloanehathaway you are a goddess i simply have to photograph you. also welcome back, brunette gemma!!!! edithjonesharrison gorgeous 😍😍
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"It looks hot. I forgot how great you looked with brown hair."
I chuckled. "Thanks, Jess. I just figured I was blonde long enough. I've been blonde for our entire relationship, actually."
"It is kind of hard to part with Blonde Gemma, actually. I mean, Blonde Gemma was the one who kissed me for the first time, and told me she loved me for the first time, and shared all these special moments with me. Brunette Gemma didn't really give me the time of day."
I laughed again. "Brunette Gemma was just...confused. But I promise, it's the same girl."
"I'm glad. I mean, I fell in love with Brunette Gemma," he replied. "I think I'd love you just as much with any color hair."
"That's reassuring. I feel the same way about you," I told him.
He laughed a bit. "Glad to hear it," he said. "Listen, I've got to get back, but I'll talk to you tonight?"
"Yeah," I replied. "Have fun."
"Won't," he said. "Love you."
"Love you, too."
And then he hung up.
Today is March 1st. Which, if you weren't aware, is the day that I broke up with Shawn. A date which will live in infamy, you could say. Jesse has to do research all day, which has left me alone. So, I enlisted Sloane to make me a brunette again. Then she insisted we have a photo shoot, and she has this way of always making me say yes to her. She just lights up when I agree to do something. I figured why not, and it did give me a good photo for Instagram, if nothing else. Sloane can do everything. I wonder what's it's like to be one of those people.
Anyway, it just felt like the time had come for me to retire Blonde Gemma. She's done her thing. I'm a brunette at heart.
Now I'm back in my apartment, feeling the emptiness a little extra today. There's nothing different about today from any other day, really, it's just the fact that the anniversary of such a thing makes you remember said thing a little more than you normally would. Which is already a lot, for me.
If I'm truly honest, I feel like I think about that boy more and more each day. In a bad way. There's not a night that I don't fall asleep to the thought of what ifs, motivated by a relationship that ended a year ago. I just...I don't know. I don't know if I actually feel anything for him anymore, or if I'm just...making things up in my head. I tend to do that.
