rainbows

thirty two

I tuck in my top taking a last glance at me. I hate the way my body is looking but I can't do anything. I sigh leaving my room. I haven't eaten properly for a few days and it's exhausting. The random dizziness hitting me out of nowhere these past days was enough to teach me to take a proper meal. I have enough worries on my list right now, I can't let something so minute worry me. Fuck this we'll see this some other day.

Lexi stands at the door with a wide smile plastered on her face.

"C'mon hurry up." She says jumping. I roll my eyes at her.

"What's got you so excited?" I ask to which she shrugs in response. Ugh.

"Doris we're going," Lexi shouts shutting the door linking her arm into mine as we start walking. Just the two of us.

                                            ***    

"Really?" I laugh throwing my head back. Lexi's sharing her story of the guy she went to the date with. Turns out he was a jerk who made fun of her fashion taste so Lexi punched him in the face before storming off. Good for him though.

"Yeah you should've looked at his face, he had blood pouring out of his nose." She says, eyes wide with amusement.

"Also." She wipes the corner of her mouth with a napkin "I didn't get to say it before but your hair looks nice."

"Yeah." I nod touching it "Yeah it does."

We've been here for two hours, eating and talking, it actually feels good to eat so much after so many days, but as each minute passes by I can feel the worry seeping in my bones. I wonder what will happen when I talk to them about college. Ugh. I put my face in my hands.

"What happened?" Lexi asks. I contemplate telling her and before I know I'm blurting out "I didn't get into college." Her lips draw into an "O" shaped form.
I rest my hands on my forehead. I feel like puking now.

"Alyssa." She puts her hand above mine. "It's okay."

"No, it's not." I shake my head "It's not." I whimper.

"Shh." She stands up to sit beside me.

"I feel like a disappointment." I put my head on her shoulder.

"No, you're not." She moves my hair from my face.
"Is it the reason you coloured your hair?" She asks.

"Yep." I nod.

"Well dipping your hair in blue dye won't do shit." She laughs to lighten the mood. I feel guilty, again, of ruining the mood.

"Yeah, I still feel like shit." I chuckle.

"When are you going to tell mom and dad?" She asks.

"I don't know." I shrug "I was planning on telling them today."

"Well, that's great. Sooner or later you will have to and it's fine you can still get into the spring semester." She says

"Yeah, that's what Ryan said too." I wipe my nose.

"Ryan?" She asks her eyes brows raised.

"Yeah Ryan." I roll my eyes.

"You told him before me?" She asks amusement clear in her voice.