Every Cloud in the Skies

Chapter 1

I sit in front of my two best friends. The girl on my right is named Ski and next to her, my boy Sky. I faintly smile at them before letting my eyes wander around. The dark grey clouds creep up and taint the world and in the distance I can hear the low rumbling of thunder. It was going to rain soon. My eyes make their way back to them and start to water. It's been a few days since my last visit. My family and friends think it's unhealthy but if I don't visit, I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Missing them has practically taken over my life and even though they never would've wanted my mourning to affect me this way, I can't help but feel lost. After a while of just staring...and listening, I get up. Resting my hand on their gravestones, I sigh. Life is hard without these two.

"Damn it." I mumble, feeling the tears run down my face. I wipe my eyes quickly. Turning my back, I slump away, dragging my feet through the grass.

Instead of going back to my car, I rest myself on a nearby bench. Looking up at the sky, I feel the burning sensation of my eyes. I've already gotten over most of the nightmares but I still didn't want to go home. If my parents were to see me crying then I would get the lecture of a lifetime. 'This has been going on for almost a year now. You need to let go. Continuing to cry and get upset isn't going to bring them back, Ethan' It's like I can already hear them talking. My phone buzzes with texts from my band mates asking where I am; another missed rehearsal and now they'll probably kick me out. I wouldn't blame them, they have an audition soon and I don't think I even know the name of the song they're performing.

"Are you alright?" a soothing feminine voice asked. I turn to her and wipe my eyes quickly, hoping to look the least bit manly. It was a girl about my age with big chocolate brown eyes and hair that resembled the feathers of a peacock. She was pretty and her eyes sang a song of curiosity. Although we were in a cemetery, she didn't look sad. At least, not for her own problems. I couldn't explain it but just by looking into her eyes, I could read her sorrow of the world.

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine." I say, trying to keep it together. She had an obvious look of disbelief on her face. Thunder rumbled in the distance and a part of me wanted to use that as a way to excuse myself without seeming rude.

"You sure? You don't really look alright." she says, raising an eyebrow. I hesitate for a moment, letting the silence linger as I think of the right words to say. Nobody had ever walked up to me while I was here. Most people know the boundaries of people in mourning and keep their distance in hopes to not upset them any further. I realized that my thoughts had gotten the best of me and cough to clear my throat.

"Yeah. I'm okay." I say, expecting her to catch the hint and leave me alone. To my surprise, she actually sat down next to me. Nobody spoke for a while and a pang of anxiety started forming in my stomach. I don't talk to most people for exactly this reason. What do you say when you can't find the words? What do you do when you're backed into a corner by a stranger with no way of escaping? I think about the thunder again and decide to use it as my reason for leaving.

"You shouldn't keep it in. It'll drive you crazy." she explained as if seeing right into my mind. My mind went blank for a second as she turned to me.

"Who're you visiting? Family?" She asked. I didn't want to talk. She smiled comfortingly at me and I could feel my hands shaking. I hoped she wouldn't notice and let out a sigh, clenching my fists. Her eyes were hopeful and her perfume smelled like cupcakes but the thought of running sounded really appealing to me too.

"I've got two friends here. Died last year." Her eyes widened, then her expression dropped. I could see it, she knew she had crossed a boundary just by talking to me. I wanted to tell her that it was fine but honestly? I didn't feel like it was fine.

"I'm so sorry...to lose not one person but two people in one year, that's awful..." she whispered, trailing off on her words.

"How did it happen?" she asked. I moved my gaze from her to the ground. I could feel my eyes tensing and knew that they must be opened wide. I hadn't said it in months, I couldn't. My mouth wouldn't form the word; my voice couldn't create the sounds.

"C..can.." I stuttered. I didn't know words could be so painful to say. All of a sudden my mouth felt dry and my throat felt like it was closing up. My body was turning against me in that instant.

"For both of them?" she asked, knowing what I was going to say. All I could do was nod at her. A different type of silence fell between us, an anxious silence. At this point I was waiting for her to excuse herself, leaving me alone with my problems. Instead, she stayed, looking up at the sky and then closing her eyes as if embracing the cool breeze of the incoming storm.

"Uhhh, what about you? Who are you here for?" I asked, surprised at myself for spitting out words at all. I guess I just wanted anything that could take the attention off of me for a second.

"My dad. He died about 5 months ago in a car crash." she said, nonchalantly.

"I'm sorry for your loss." I responded, unsure what to make of her almost uncaring demeanor.

"Yeah well....you and half the town.." she mumbled. Another wave where we don't say anything takes over.

"Well...you're taking it better than me." I said, forcing a light chuckle. I was really trying to lighten the mood between us. After all, I was the one who put the mood down so quickly.

"My dad and I weren't close so really his death doesn't affect me as much as his other kids." she puts her hands behind her head as if she couldn't care less about his death.

"So then...why come to see him?" I asked. She shrugs before saying,

"My mom says that it would be healthy for me to say goodbye." I nod and we sit in silence once again. I gaze up at the sky and notice the clouds seemed to be fading away; the sun poking out between them. I closed my eyes and let my mind consume me. I still stay up at night, thinking about my friends that used to breathe earth's air. If I'm not up thinking about it, then I'm definitely having nightmares about it. Death is something that I wish nobody had to witness and yet, it's one of the certainties of life. The impending doom reaches us all eventually and once it happens, it takes over the lives of people you left behind. It's almost too cruel to think about.

"Maybe it would be healthy for you to talk about your friends?" she suggested.

"Oh uhhh, I'm not sure. It's a long story and I don't want to bother you with my problems."

"I like stories. And I've got all the time in the world." she persisted. She could tell that I was very unsure. I haven't even spoken to anybody about what happened, at least not really. The ones who were there obviously watched it all unfold but I haven't really sat down and talked about it. Even when my parents started paying for my therapist I wouldn't talk about it. It's too painful for me to delve into. It's too painful to remember the past.

"What about your mom? Won't she be worried about you not being home at a certain time?" I ask, this being my final excuse.

"My mom doesn't mind. I kind of live by my own rules at this point." she says, destroying my last idea. I didn't know what to do or how to get out of this situation. I guess I could've got up and left her sitting there but a part of me didn't want to be rude. Maybe a part of me actually did want to stay and talk about it? But I didn't even know this girl at all...but maybe that was a good thing? She couldn't judge me on the person I used to be because she didn't know that person. I felt like a caged animal and yet, something was nagging at me, telling me that I could trust this girl. Although the anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach was growing, so was the unwavering feeling that this might be the right thing to do.

"Just so you know..." she said, breaking through my thoughts.

"My brother survived cancer. It was heartbreaking for my family when he got diagnosed. Everyone had given up on him except for me. I would come visit him every day and tell him that there was no reason for him to die yet. He had a lot of ambitions and I didn't want him to throw them all away, especially since I was so certain that it couldn't be his yet. I convinced him that there were too many things to live for. He eventually recovered and I'm not gonna lie to you, I like to take the credit for it." she says with a smirk. Quickly, the smirk falls and she becomes serious again when she sees my expression was not amused.

"What I'm trying to say is I've watched cancer destroy someone too."

"It's a long story..." I repeated quietly.

"That's okay." she insisted.

Thoughts of them coming flooding into my mind again. I know that they wouldn't mind me telling someone else about what happened, they may even say that it's therapeutic for me, but the idea of talking about it to someone else, especially to a girl I don't even know makes me feel nauseous. How am I supposed to talk about how they died when I can't even say the name of the disease? Then again, if I start from the beginning, then maybe by the time I get to that part, she will have lost interest. When I look back at her, she looks hopeful yet understanding. If I tell her no again, she might understand and go on her way. I weigh my options. It really has been a year since their death and when I really think about it, I feel like I can't stay this way forever. Maybe talking about it really will help me. She looks like the type to keep pushing for an answer until she gets what she wants to know. After internally arguing with myself for a while, I decide to go ahead and talk to her.

"It all started in Freshman year of high school..."