solo | minjoong

19

It wasn't until Hyunjin closed the door to his dorm room behind him, that the realisation set in for Hongjoong.

What the absolute fuck am I doing? Hongjoong scolded himself mentally. This wasn't him. He didn't get drunk and he definitely didn't sleep with people he didn't have feelings for. Hongjoong really should stop kissing Hyunjin back right now. Surely, it would be the smart thing to do.

'You okay?' Hyunjin asked softly, looking down at Hongjoong worriedly.

'Yeah. Yeah, why would u ask?' Hongjoong didn't know whether he was relieved that Hyunjin had brought their make out session to a halt so he didn't have to, or if he was sad that it had stopped at all.

'Well, because you're crying.' Hyunjin pointed out. Hongjoong hadn't realised when the tears had begun to fall but now that he was aware, he collapsed against the door, letting out a tiny sob.

'Hey. It's okay. Do you want to talk about it? Or I can take you home? Whatever you need.' As much as Hongjoong wanted to dissolve into the floor and never have to face anyone again, he was grateful for Hyunjin's presence simply because he did indeed want to talk about it. It was easier to discuss feelings when you were too drunk to process any of them correctly.

'It's a very long story.' Hongjoong warned.

'I have nothing but time.' Hyunjin assured, extremely concerned about the boy crying against his door, as anyone would be. Hongjoong took a deep breath.

'Ok, so have you ever liked someone so much that it scares you and you never imagined they would like you back because they're literally perfect and you're like, oh my god I must be dreaming. And then it's not a dream and it's all so real and it can't possibly be real so you have a breakdown and block them even though they literally just breathed? But you think you're doing the right thing and it is the right thing but it's not the thing that you want? And you just really want to beg for them back but it would be really fucking selfish.' Hongjoong took his head in his hands, still mumbling something about fucking up that didn't quite make sense, even to him.

'Being selfish isn't a bad thing. Sometimes, you have to be. You can't always put people's feelings before yours. It's just not humanly possible to exist like that.' Hongjoong simply raised an eyebrow and Hyunjin took it as a sign to continue.

'So I like this guy. He's adorable and all I want to do is throw him against a wall and fuck him senseless, but I don't do that, out of respect. If he walked up to me and said he was down to do just that, I would definitely think I was dreaming but I would still fuck him. If it started to feel real, yes I would regret some things but I wouldn't stop fucking him. Things may be more complicated but that only makes it hotter. And as a legendary poet once said, I just wanna taste it, make it hot.'

'Wait, that actually makes sense. Not the poet part because I don't know what or who you're talking about, but the rest sounds correct.' Hongjoong couldn't tell if it was just the alcohol continuing to mess with him or if he was actually beginning to see things more clearly. Of course, by seeing things, he didn't mean literally, because his vision was still very blurry.

'I shall now proceed to ask you a series of questions.' Hyunjin prepared himself to ask his questions by crossing his legs on the floor in front of Hongjoong, who now sat leaning against the door, deep in thought.

'Do you miss him?' Hongjoong nodded.

'Do you like him?' Hongjoong nodded.

'Do you want to date him?' Hongjoong nodded.

'Then fucking call him and tell him that, you idiot.' Hyunjin half-screamed at the boy who continued to nod, completely lost in thought.

Slowly, Hongjoong reached into his back pocket and sighed in relief when he discovered that his phone was still there. He turned the device on, already getting up to stumble out of Hyunjin's room.

'You can just call him here, you know? Or I can take you to your dorm? You can call him safely from your room.' Hyunjin couldn't help but worry about Hongjoong's safety, seeing as the very drunk boy could barely work a doorknob.

'No, thank you!' Hongjoong raised the phone to his ear and waved goodbye with his other hand. Hyunjin waved back, already deciding he would just have to text Hongjoong's friends to make sure he was going to be safe.

'Please don't die!' Hyunjin called out, as Hongjoong shut the door behind him.

It wasn't avoiding death that was important to Hongjoong in that moment but rather, convincing a certain famous rapper to forget the past twenty four hours had ever happened.