Always & Forever

7: Unsteady

Sang's POV

Nerves threaten to overcome me.

This is the largest crowd we've ever performed in front of. What if they don't like us? My voice?

"Get out of your head trouble. They are going to love you. And if they don't? Then they have no business being here. You're going to knock them dead." Gabriel's voice calls out to me from our mini wardrobe. How he knew I was freaking out, I have no idea, but I'm glad he brought me out before I could spiral further.

"Thanks, Gabriel. Let's see what you've picked out for me tonight."

I want something that stands out, but is still comfortable to move around in. Also, something that will hide the sweat I'm sure I'll be accumulating during our performance. We have an hour slot with thirty minutes to go over if the fans seem to be liking us.

Gabriel picked out a knee-length skin tight black leather skirt, something I was seriously thinking of overruling, and a cut vintage band t-shirt. Though the closer I looked at it, it was actually a newer shirt for Fallen Shadow Angel made to look old. Clever little man. We skipped the accessories; they would just get in the way. And then an argument broke out over the shoes.

"I'm not wearing those, you big meanie!" My voice cracks on the last syllable. "I'm going to be standing around for over an hour! There is no way I am wearing those tall ass heels. Find me some cute flats, sneakers, or boots. But I draw the line at the heels."

The man looks at me with a defiant look. I can see him gearing up to argue, but I pull out the big guns. My lower lip pokes out in a pout. My eyes widen in the infamous puppy dog eyes. Going one step further, I force tears to gather and my lip to quiver just the slightest bit. A look of pure terror takes over Gabriel's face and it takes everything in me not to bust out laughing at his obvious discomfort at making me sad.

"Oy, suck that shit back in right this minute. Fine. You win. I'll find something comfortable for you."

He rummages through a box, pulling out a pair of black combat looking boots with studs and a few chains, grumbling under his breath the entire time. Victory is mine and a smile takes over my face, one that Gabriel sees and lets a huff out at.

"Alright, little Troublemaker. Get dressed. I'll see you out front." He comes to give me a hug, whispering in my ear. "You're going to knock 'em dead. Trust me."

Taking a deep breath in, I do as he commands. Changing my clothes and preparing to go out there and wow thousands of people. Sure, our record sales have been doing pretty well, especially when fans realized we would be performing with Nocturnal Sacrifice and Fallen Shadow Angel. They wanted to know who this new band was and if we would flow well with the environment set by the other bands. At least, that is how I perceived the fans' reasonings for buying our albums.

Karen pokes her head in, Wil not far behind. "Alright, chica. It's time for us to go out. You ready?"

"Yep. Let's go."

I shake my hands out as we walk to the backstage, getting ready to take our places on the actual stage. My mind begins to wander, focusing on the band members that stopped by earlier.

Something about them is familiar. Intoxicating.

I've never been the type to open up to people. To have easy conversations. Yet something about each of them pulled me in and had me talking. It had started with Gabriel that first styling meeting. It was the same when the guys came by our dressing room. They barged in like they owned the place, something I'm sure most rock stars do, but I wasn't annoyed or closed off to them. When they started talking, asking questions, I answered right along with Karen and Wil. Maybe I was finally coming out of my shell and opening myself to others. Maybe my mother hadn't completely destroyed something within me. Only time would tell.

Luckily, I had people close to me that could possibly help me with opening up further.

Brought out of my musings, Karen and Wil take up their stations. Wil behind a drum set and Karen in front of a microphone with a guitar slung over one shoulder. Nerves still rattle me, but as soon as I take my spot behind that microphone, I'm in my element. There is something about being able to release everything you are feeling through song. Expressing your innermost thoughts and having others relate. While they may judge, it's cathartic. Tension releases from my shoulders, my eyes close, and I get ready to just let everything out. Every little thing that has been plaguing me for as long as I can remember.

My place at center stage allows me to look over the crowd, though most of the faces are blurred from the lights shining down on us. We are starting things off a little different for our first city, our hometown. I have a violin placed beside my microphone. Unfortunately, I can't play every instrument that we had planned for this song. The sound techs will be playing the other instrumental parts through the speakers, but they are my own previously recorded tracks.

"Good evening Charleston! How is everyone doing?" I wait for the crowd to die down before starting again. "Alright guys. We are going to start things off a little differently than what you are probably used to. This song means a lot to me." Taking a deep breath, I dive into my personal history, something I don't normally do. "I didn't come from the greatest of homes. I won't go into detail, but let's just say I left as soon as possible. This song is sort of a representation of that. Of how I wished things could have been and how I felt living in my home. My hope for this song is for others to know they aren't the only ones suffering. You just need to find that one person who can be your anchor. All you have to do is hold on."

The lights cut down low and I take in a deep breath before I begin. My body sways in time to the beat and before I know it, I've lost myself within the lyrics and music. Emotion clogs my soul, choking me up a bit, but I push through. Push myself through the song to convey its meaning to the audience. This is as much for them as it is for me. 

**I highly suggest listening to the song at the top. It is a fantastic song and hits really hard. Especially this version with instrumental pieces. Hope you like it. Happy reading!

I forgot to post this pic yesterday when I wrote this chapter. This is how I imagine Sang when she is playing the violin. She really gets into it and really makes a show of it, drawing the crowd in. 

This is Lindsey Sterling. An actual violinist who plays concerts. She is fabulous if you haven't heard her work before.