The Course of True Love

Cuts

CN/TW: Self Harm

Going back to school after spending some time at home was a little tough on Cecily. She missed Mina's hugs and having her hair brushed. And she missed how Albus talked to her like he actually cared about what she said, she missed the food and she missed how cozy and safe everything was in the cottage. She loved them. And she loved the baby, even though she didn't know it yet, but Mina insisted that it was most active when she was there. Still, she wasn't sure about what to feel. What if they changed her mind and didn't want her anymore? That would be unbearable, so she tried not to think about it too much.
After lunch, she went to her transfiguration lesson and sat down on the desk she now shared with Eva. She was a little early, as usual, so nobody else was in the classroom. Minerva arrived soon after, humming a song and seemingly being very unbothered by the world around her. She looked so happy.
"Hi Mum." Cecily said quietly, as she usually would when they were alone in the classroom. But this time Mina didnt look up and recognise her as she normally did, she kept sorting to her papers.
"That's still Professor McGonagall to you, Miss..." Cecily looked at her, crestfallen. Had she done something wrong the night before? Was she angry? Had she changed her mind? The rejection she felt, not only from the words but also the way they were said, cut her deeply. After there was no reaction, Mina finally looked up, prepared to be annoyed by yet another student not knowing their place. Only after a moment she realised it had been Cecily who had spoken to her and that her words had obviously hurt her. Oh no. Seeing her sad little face made Minerva feel dreadful, but she couldn't say anything as just in that moment, the door opened and other students walked in. This was not good at all. She had completely forgotten it was Cecily's class and she hadn't meant to snap at her. Cecily tried to just keep going, she worked as usual and tried her best to avoid drawing any attention on her. She didn't look up once, while Mina desperately tried to catch her eye. When the bell rang, Cecily packed up her things at the speed of light and fled the classroom. Mina felt terrible. She hadn't been focused. And now she'd made Cecily sad and also ruined something that was usually one of her favourite parts of the week, their special little hello. After classes were finished, Mina sent Cecily an official note, ordering her to her office, just to make sure she'd actually get it. Official notes were not to be ignored. Then she waited nervously. Cecily took her time. She actually didn't really, but for Mina it felt like an eternity. Finally, the door opened.
"You wanted to talk to me, Professor?" She asked with a small voice, trying very hard to sound unbothered while she was actually very sad and confused. Minerva got up from behind her desk and rushed over to her.
"Cecily, I'm so, so sorry. I didn't realize it was you. I didn't mean to be so rude." She pulled Cecily into her arms, she was still a little stiff and perplexed, why all these sudden changes?
"I don't understand. What are we now, Professor, what is going on?"
"We are just where we left off when you went back to school last night. I didn't mean to snap at you like this. You are my darling little Cecily and I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings." Cecily relaxed in her arms and Mina started rocking her back and forth.
"Do you want to come home over night?" She offered. "You can come home. Please don't be upset anymore. I love you so much." She would have done anything to ease the girl's upset.
"I think I'd like to come home." Cecily whispered. "I was very worried." In her head, her thoughts were still racing and she tried to make sense out of the situation.
"I believe that, angel, but I promise, there's nothing to be afraid of." Cecily nodded, but she didn't look convinced. She felt very tense, an anxiety-inducing tension had taken hold of her.
"It's just... Normally your whole face goes all soft and happy when I come to the classroom. Just a second or two but enough to know that you are happy that I'm there." Mina smiled, just the way she usually did.
"That is because I'm always happy to see you. I just didn't notice it was you today, my mind was somewhere else."
"I saw that. Can I still call you mum?" A crucial question.
"I'd be honoured." Cecily leaned against her.
"You smell like pop's cologne." She said quietly and Mina blushed. This child really noticed the smallest details.
"I met him during lunch break." She admitted. That was also the reason why she had been a little unfocused.
"Do you think he will be unhappy about me not being at school tonight?" Cecily asked anxiously. She didn't want to upset him or make him angry by not playing by the rules.
"Darling no. He always seems so strict, but trust me, he's the fun parent, I am the one who says no." Mina laughed. As if either of them could ever say no to Cecily.
"Can we go home?" Cecily asked now. It was only the afternoon, but emotional distress always drained her and she felt sleepy.
"Yes, sweetie. We'll take the fire place." Cecily got up and they used some floo powder to travel home to the cottage.
The house was warm and cozy as always and Cecily soon wandered off into her room, where she had to lay down for a while. Mina sat down on the couch for a moment, caressing her bump. What a day. Cecily was definitely more fragile than she pretended to be. She couldn't afford to forget that.
When Albus came home, he was delighted to have Cecily greet him at the door.
"What a lovely surprise. It's my big girl!" He gave her a hug and then ruffled her hair. "How did I get so lucky?" Cecily smiled sheepishly.
"Well... I had a medium sized upset at school so mum said it's okay if I sleep at home tonight." She looked up to him, waiting to be told to get a grip when his jaw clenched. But he didn't seem to be upset with her.
"Who hurt your feelings?" He asked, looking very strict all of a sudden.
"It was more of a misunderstanding, don't worry." Cecily shrugged, she didn't want to make such a big deal out of it.
"Darling, you don't need to protect your bullies."
"Dad..." She stopped in her tracks. "Pop. I mean Pop. It was a misunderstanding between mum and I, but we're good now. More than good." He nodded, not quite ready to drop the matter but he respected her wishes.
"If you say so. Also, dad is fine, I like dad." He smiled at her.
"Dunno. I have weird feelings about that word because of... well things. I'll stay with Pop." She shuffled away awkwardly.
"Do you want to talk..." Albus began but she shook her head.
"Thanks, but no thanks." She gave him a quick smile. Shutters were down again, she had locked up. No information, no nothing. Cecily wasn't in the mood to talk, quite the opposite. Her tension was still constantly rising, even though she looked calm. Albus left the issue for the time being and instead went to the kitchen to greet Mina.
"Long time no see, gorgeous." He whispered in her ear. She turned around.
"Not since our little... Lunch date." This time, he blushed and Mina laughed. "As your future wife it's my duty to make sure you take your breaks." She winked.
"You sure did." He pulled her closer. "I love you." His head rested on her shoulder while she put the finishing touches on their dinner, which smelled amazing.
"I love you too. And I love you lots." He smiled and called her his "darling kitten" which made her laugh.
"What happened with Cecily? She said that there was a misunderstanding?" Mina's face clouded and she told him what had happened, she was a little ashamed. "The poor baby. Sometimes I forget how fragile she is."
"You didn't mean it and she knows that." He tried to reassure her and kissed her cheek, then carried the dinner out into the dining room.
"Cecily, dinner!" He called upstairs.
One second!" He heard a door open and close and Cecily came downstairs. Something about her seemed different than before but he couldn't quite put a finger on what it was. She seemed calmer, but in a very odd, almost eerie way. Albus decided that would check in with her later. They had an enjoyable meal and after dinner, Albus and Cecily cleared up the table and kitchen together while Mina got some well-deserved rest. She was pregnant after all. Cecily's sleeves were pulled up a little as she was drying the dishes and when Albus had a closer look, he spotted red lines of various intensity on her arm, some were raw and bleeding. Those weren't random lines, he immediately recognised that these were cuts, actual cuts.
"Cecily, what is that on your arm?" He asked gently but she quickly pulled down her sleeves and turned away.
"Nothing." She said and walked towards the door. Immediate retreat. Her fight or flight response told her that it was time to run.
"Are those cuts?" He wouldn't drop the matter, this wasn't something to be taken lightly.
"It's nothing!" She almost hissed. For a second Albus lost his cool and he tried to take her arm.
"Cecily, be reasonable and show me..."
"NO!" She screamed and wave of energy coming from her pushed him away, he tumbled and fell against the counter. Mina burst into the kitchen, the noise had startled her.
"What's going on here?"
"Nothing. Nothing at all. I'm going back to school, it's for the better." Cecily rushed past her into the hallway, grabbed her coat and left the house before either of them could say or do anything. The scene had stunned them both.
Tears burned in Cecily's eyes. Now she'd messed up. It was over, everything was over. Things had been going so well. But of course she'd panicked and ruined everything. She couldn't have people touching her, especially not her arm, not without warning and definitely not her cuts. Nobody was allowed to see them. They were hers and hers alone. Her sanctuary. Her only relief whenever things were getting too much, like they had that day. The tension had been overwhelming, it had been necessary. Still, she had lost control. It's been a while since her last outburst of that kind, but they were the reason her parents saw her as wicked and evil. They weren't wrong. Cecily slipped into the castle, made it to the Gryffindor tower unseen and went straight to bed. She was so drained. So tired. She felt like the weight of the whole world was resting on her tiny shoulders. Her heart and mind were so tired.
Back at the cottage it was Mina who finally managed to say something. "Albus, what happened?" It wasn't an accusation, just a genuine question.
"I think Cecily cuts herself." He explained quietly, he was very worried. He didn't want Minerva to worry but he also wouldn't lie to her. "I saw the lines. She didn't want to show them and I lost it for a second and tried to take her arm and she had this energy outburst. Probably a panic reaction." He sighed. "I messed up. Poor kid."
"Can we check if she made it back to school?" Mina asked.
"I'll ask a portrait, she probably doesn't want to see us right now." She grudgingly accepted that Albus was right and looked at him. "What are we going to do now? Today wasn't a good day. Not with her. And it's not her fault." Albus shook his head.
"I feel terrible. What if she doesn't come back?" He didn't even want to consider that option. Mina swallowed hard.
"That would be very sad." She said quietly. "So very sad. I'd miss her every day." He nodded in agreement.
"Let's hope she can forgive me"
"Things aren't easy right now..."
"No. They messed with her head. I've never seen an 11-year old cut her wrists. And that energy wave she used to push me away... One day she will be a powerful witch."
"If she makes it there." Mina said quietly. "How on earth didn't I notice? I helped her bathe and took care of her back, I am terrible."
"To be fair, her back was in a horrific state, your attention was elsewhere."
"Hmm." She looked out of the window into the night. "But we won't leave her alone, will we?"
"No, kitten. We'll get her some therapy. We'll look after her. We will help her get better and love her unconditionally. All will be fine." He smiled and he was rather confident in that statement, simply because he already did love her unconditionally, just like he loved his unborn baby.
"You're not annoyed?" Mina was worried, after all she had been the one who had insisted on looking after Cecily.
"Just with myself. I shouldn't have touched her without consent."
"You could write her an apology and send it so she gets it with the morning mail." Mina fetched him some paper and a quill.
"I'll do that." He started writing immediately while Mina watched him, deep in thought. She sighed. Maybe they weren't as good as parents as she had thought. She secretly hoped Cecily would come home that night, but she knew that wouldn't happen. They soon went to bed but neither could fall asleep and so they just lay awake next to each other in silence until the next morning.
Cecily hadn't slept well either that night and she'd almost overslept, hadn't Eva woken her in the very last minute. Utterly exhausted, she dragged herself to breakfast. She didn't expect mail, she never received any, but this morning there wasn't just one but two letters for her. She opened the first one. It was Albus' handwriting, small and tidy, covering almost two pages. It was a long and sincere apology for everything that had happened the day before. Cecily was confused. She'd lost her temper and he apologized? It was the first time someone apologized for touching her. The second one was from Mina, or well, "mum". Loving, gentle words, asking her to come home and talk, promising her help and no judgement. Cecily couldn't take it anymore. She clutched the letters to her chest and quickly left the Great Hall, tears streaming over her face. Eva noticed her friend's distress, so she followed her and finally caught up with her halfway to Gryffindor Tower.
"Cessie, wait!" She shook her head but stopped running. She was completely out of breath anyway.
"I can't go back" she whispered. "They saw, they know" Eva looked at her.
"Look, I'm not gonna ask what they know and stuff. But I am not half as smart as you are. Even if my parents want me to be smart. I'm not a smart person. But you know what I know? Love. I get that it's kinda weird, but Dumbledore and Gonnie seem to love you more than my parents love me. It's clear to see. And you deserve it." Eva was about to shake some sense into her friend but refrained from touching her.
"Evie, do you really think so?" Cecily asked quietly.
"Yes. You were so nice to me when I was new here. You have such a kind and loving heart. You can accept their love, it's not wrong. You deserve to be loved." Cecily smiled weakly.
"May I give you a hug? You're a great friend, you know? Maybe if I can fix this you can come to their..mine...our home on the weekend and we can sleep over. Pop- I mean Professor Dumbledore makes great pancakes for breakfast." She suddenly didn't mind sharing them with her friend. Eva just hugged her instead of answering.
"I guess that would be cool. And in summer we can go to my family's house in France, it's really nice there." Cecily smiled.
"I've never been to France."
"Then it's about time." They both laughed and Cecily looked at the crumpled letters in her hand.
"I think I should go home and wait for them there. I can't face them here at school until this is solved." She also needed to catch up on some sleep so she had the energy to sort things when the time came.
"I'll tell the teachers that you are unwell and had to lie down." Evie smiled, she didn't even have to think about it. She would do anything for her friend, whether that was giving her an alibi or hiding a (metaphorical) body.
"Thank you" Cecily squeezed her hand. "I'll see you tomorrow." With those words she left the castle and walked home, the walk helped her to calm down. Neither Mina nor Albus would be there until the afternoon, she knew that. Cecily needed some quiet time. She had to figure out how to get past all the issues she had while being able to stay with them because what she felt for them was probably something like love. Not that she knew how that felt like. But for the first time in years, she felt safe. She felt like she could sleep peacefully and nobody would hurt her, touch her, disturb her or worse. She didn't want to lose them. She liked how for a second Mina was always so happy when their eyes met at breakfast or when she came into the classroom. She also liked how Albus looked at her with pride when they met in the hallways and how he would answer even the oddest questions about the world that she had and that he was taking her seriously. Maybe that was love. She just hoped that she could give them something to like, or even love as well. Little did Cecily know that learning about unconditional love would be the most confusing, yet rewarding experience of her young life.