If You Had This Time Again

Someone Who Prefers Tony Stark

Surveying his SHIELD assigned dormitory only made Clint long fiercely for the open space at the farm. The walls, concrete and defensible, felt like a prison and he was done feeling like a prisoner after being one in his own body. He slept poorly last night, half-bitter that Stark hadn't extended an invitation for him to stay in one of the rooms with walls of windows and half-relieved because he was away from Loki. 

At the post-invasion debriefing, Steve had looked at Clint with such authority and declared: It wasn't you, Barton. Loki had control of your mind. Clint had clung on to those ten words like a lifeline, especially when the memories of all he had done under Loki's orders swirled around inside his mind like the alien portal in the sky. He was grateful to Steve for the easy forgiveness, granted without questions. 

Learning Loki had been unmade, like him, cheapened that somehow. 

Clint felt a thrumming anger coursing through his veins and knew he couldn't go home like he yearned to do. It wouldn't be safe for Laura and the kids to be around him. He couldn't wrap his arms around Laura and breathe in the scent of her hair, floral and sweet, when his hands were clenched into fists. He couldn't listen to Cooper and Lila's chatter, finding humor in the absurdity of kid logic, when his head rang with voices and thoughts that weren't his own. So his only option was SHIELD, where suspicious glances trailed his every move, stabbing at him like the Scepter's sharp tip. Clint spent more time than he'd like to admit, to himself or the staff psychologist, obsessively analyzing the specific shade of blue of his irises. 

Years as an agent had taught Clint exactly what to say, and not to say, to be cleared for active duty.  

Which was why he hadn't decked Stark on the rooftop earlier.

Stark had watched them scrambled to Fury's aid with relief fleeting across his features. Clint doubted anyone else had caught it, he only did because he'd kept an eye on Loki and noticed quickly that Loki was glancing at Stark with a frequency too often to be casual or accidental. Natasha's theory was that Loki compromised Stark, but Clint thought it was the other way around.

There had been signs of Stark's distrust before he interacted with Loki. After the invasion ended, Steve had notified Clint of their location. Stark's face had scrunched into a sneer at the sight of Clint approaching before forcibly relaxing into a forced look of indifference. The concern he had felt at Stark's fall and the relief that he was alright drained away in that instant, replaced by defensiveness and irritation. On their walk back to the tower, Stark hadn't spoken to Steve or Clint and he had treated Natasha with the same cooled detachment.

Very curious, and very suspicious. 

It was clear that Stark had his own agenda, one that didn't align with theirs, and already begun recruitment. Clint doubted Thor came up with the negotiation points on his own and Banner seemed more book-smart than street-smart to orchestrate a coup of this size. Then there was Loki, who couldn't stop his gaze from wandering to Stark nor resist some kind of lingering and meaningful farewell. Which Stark returned. 

Natasha was right to deem Stark unsuitable for the Avengers Initiative. Stark had no loyalty, proven by how he undermined SHIELD's objectives when the agents had worked to cover up Stane's death and find a cure for the palladium poisoning. Clint would be watching Stark closely, his moniker was earned by more than his excellent marksmanship. Stark better watch his back.