How to fall in Love

How to be brave?

A/N: This chapter has a very brief description of Child Abuse, please skip that part if you're uncomfortable. Hope you like this chapter! 

I keep my eyes closed even as he pulls back. My whole body feels stiff. I guess I'm scared. The thought of a relationship, of letting someone know how strongly I feel about them, terrifies me. I don't know what to say. I know that this is wrong, so wrong. Tony already has a girlfriend. I cannot possibly call this right, no matter how much I've wanted to do this, no matter how long I've wanted to do this. I will myself to keep a clear head. Tony definitely loves Fleur. I've seen the way he talks about her. He must have... I don't really know why he let us do this.

I wrench my eyes open to tell him that this is a mistake, but looking up into his eyes seems like a grave mistake. Tony is staring straight at me, his intense gaze locked with mine as if he can see through my very soul, see why I am afraid of what I feel for him. Is it possible to look at someone in a way that makes them feel like they are the only thing in the whole universe that deserves attention? I tear away my gaze from him.

"I'm sorry," I mumble, "I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry. I really didn't want to do that. Forgive me, please." Tony stares at me for a long moment. I can't seem to look at him. I know I'm lying. It's the only thing that I've wanted to do for a long time now. After the tense moment of silence passes, Tony clears his throat. "You...don't want me?" his voice is flat and dead, disappointed... no, that can't be. He is not disappointed, is he?

I want to scream 'NO!', but instead I say, "I know there's Fleur. It was terribly irresponsible of me. Just because I'm upset... This won't come between us, right? We are still friends, aren't we?" Tony frowns at me and then turns away and huffs. "Fleur, of course there's Fleur." he mutters, more to himself than to me. When he turns to look at me again, I raise my eyebrows and try to arrange my face into what would look like a hopeful expression. Tony sighs. "Of course, we're still gonna be friends. Things like these happen sometimes. I'm devastatingly handsome. I don't blame you. It's natural for you to lose control." with that he flashes one of his dimply cute smiles at me and the tension between us melts away just like that. We both laugh.

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When Vivian and John return, we're both digging into the pepperoni pizza that I've ordered. Vivian looks at me and then at Tony, something silent passes between the two of them and Vivian's scowling face straightens at once. "You're okay?" he's asks, concern flashing in his blue eyes. "Kicking. I'm not some porcelain doll, you know? It takes much more than a molesting arsehole to break me." I reply, waving my pizza slice at him. He rolls his eyes. "Okay. Anyway, I should just inform you that he was kicked out. And, more importantly he was having trouble walking, so nice work with the knee." he smiles. I wink at him.

"Are you staying the night, Tony?" John's voice sounds faux curious. I frown in suspicion. Vivian elbows him in the ribs. "Obviously. But I'm worn-out baby. We should go to bed. This suit makes me hot." Vivian says dramatically, fanning himself with his hand. I try to figure out what exactly is going on here but then I see the expression on John's face.

Please, not today! I let out a quiet groan of defeat. Tony raises an eyebrow at me. I turn towards my brothers. Vivian has caught John's eyes and they are staring at each other with such intensity that the air around us practically crackles with tension. "Does it now?" John asks, his voice somewhat huskier. "Yes, wanna get me out of it?" Vivian asks breathlessly, blue eyes smoldering. John doesn't wait a second, he swoops Viv into his arms and marches purposefully towards their bedroom. I sigh.

"Wow! They are completely shameless. I'm starting to sympathize with you." Tony says, his surprised eyes trained on the bedroom door that has just been slammed shut. Silence follows; and then a long-drawn groan followed by, "Fuck! Your mouth looks so fucking good wrapped around me!" breaks it. It's Vivian's voice. "Wanna go to the garden?" I ask Tony when he looks at me with a scandalized expression. He nods frantically and hurries towards the glass doors that lead to the garden. I snicker.