Bitter Desire

Soulmates

Ambling around his grand stage of the evening, which in reality consisted of the concrete of the city street in front of his favourite cafe, Junhee packed away his equipment.

Pausing on occasion to take photographs with members of his audience or when the odd senior citizen would question what idol group he was from to which Junhee could only chuckle and explain that he was just an average student. Eventually, he was ready to go.

It was cold tonight, he noted. Catching glimpses of his breath as it clouded the air, he rubbed his palms together, blowing a much needed warmth into his cupped hands as his body began to freeze over gradually.

Picking up his case of equipment with a heave, the weight drowning his muscles as if in deep water, he turned to make his way towards the subway station.

In doing so, his eyes met those of a boy that had his heart skipping a beat. The latter's gaze dropped quickly to the floor as if he were a criminal that had been caught red handed.

Junhee walked towards him quietly, yet rather eagerly.

"Donghun?" He questioned, dipping to the side in order to show himself to the elder who's gaze was still glued to the floor.

Donghun's eyes met his own, before a small smile pulled at his lips nervously.

"Hi."

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm just... on my way home." Donghun admitted, hand rising to scratch bashfully at the back of his head. Junhee's mouth opened slightly as he let out a hum of understanding in response to the other, slightly defeated.

Donghun must have noticed.

"You were good today. I mean- like... really good."

Junhee smiled sheepishly. Replaying the elder boy's sentence in his head, his brow raised curiously.

"Today? As in you've watched me more than just tonight?"

Donghun's eyes widened, gazing at the younger in fear of what he might think of him if he told him the truth.

What could he say? That on each night he returns home from his out of school English classes that he stops to admire the boy he's became infatuated with? Junhee would probably cry stalker at that.

"I-I saw you a couple of times on my way home." I guess that's not technically a lie, Donghun thought to himself.

Junhee seemed pleased with his response, much to the elder's relief. Taking a moment to look at the younger boy, Donghun could feel the butterflies in his stomach take flight as he took in every inch of Junhee as he stood before him. His face illuminated by the neon lights of the restaurants that he faced, the wind tussling his hair gently as it passed through, his cheeks flushed from the cold.

Junhee coughed anxiously, hand carding through his hair as he interrupted the elder's thoughts.

"Would you wanna maybe go grab a coffee? You still owe me an explanation after all. If you want, that is-"

"Sure." Donghun agreed, smiling nervously to the other who casually directed him to a small cafe a short walk up the street they currently stood on.

As they began their journey, Donghun noted how Junhee's grip faltered occasionally as he carried the equipment case. Reaching over nonchalantly, he slipped his hand through the handle and took the case from Junhee entirely, who turned, surprised as he met the others eyes.

"What-"

"Let me. I carry camera equipment heavier than this every day. I don't mind."

Junhee blushed softly at the thoughtful gesture.

Soon enough they made it inside the cafe and got comfortable at a small table by the city facing windows. Donghun sighed into his hot coffee, steam dampening his pink dusted cheeks ever so slightly.

"Truthfully, I've been watching you sing for a while now." He began confidently, Junhee's gaze rising from his equally as hot beverage.

"Why have I never noticed you before?"

"I usually leave before you finish your set." Donghun continued, pausing to sip at his drink he cupped gently between his palms. "I'm not sure why I decided to stay tonight, though I'm glad I did." He smiled nervously, eyes meeting Junhee's momentarily before returning to their spot to practically burn holes in the table.

"You know," Junhee began, studying the boy before him curiously. "You almost seem like a completely different person now compared to the boy I met two weeks ago."

Donghun chuckled sadly, finger circling the rim of his mug before sighing.

"I'm really sorry for the way I treated you and how I spoke to you. You just wanted an explanation and I understand that I was just... I was afraid of this, of you. I didn't handle the situation very well."

"The situation? So when you said that we weren't-"

Donghun shifted in his seat, grip on his right hand abandoning the warmth of the mug to lay against the oak of the table, the other pulling up his sleeve slightly, revealing his wrist as he began to speak.

"My mark, it used to be around my wrist here." He began, fingertips gliding against his smooth, golden skin. Junhee held his breath. "When I had you against the wall, you grabbed my wrist and I watched as the mark started to fade. As I realised what was happening, I looked back up at you and noticed that where my hand was around your neck you had a similar mark and that was fading too. I freaked out and I let you go but you were already unconscious by then." Donghun explained, eyes shining with what Junhee could only assume was tears. "I'm really sorry. I never meant to hurt you it's just... I was afraid of the rumours going around about me and what would happen if-" Junhee noted the way Donghun's voice cracked ever so slightly and how his eyes shone with more tears before the boy blinked them away just as quickly as they came. "Anyway, I didn't handle it well and hurting you was never my intention. Someone gave me a name and pointed me in your direction and I- well I didn't bother fact checking before I came after you. I hope you can forgive me." He explained, sad eyes meeting Junhee's as he waited anxiously for the latter to respond, fingers returning to tap his lukewarm mug nervously.

"It was a misunderstanding after all, what's there not to forgive." Junhee replied, smile sympathetic as he peered innocently at the other. "So we're really... you know."

Donghun's eyes rapidly turned sad once more, head falling in defeat.

"Junhee I... I can't be that person to you and I'm afraid that I might not ever be able to." Donghun admitted, a shaky breath falling from his lips and junhee watched as his hands began to tremble slightly before he moved them into his lap and out of sight. His stomach began to churn anxiously as he awaited Donghun's next few words.

But, they never came.

"This is really serious, right?" Junhee began, Donghun raising his gaze from his lap and to the other curiously. "Whatever it is that's holding you back." He asked, earning a small nod from the elder in return.

"Then I don't need to know. Not right now."

"Please understand that I'm doing this for both my sake and yours." Donghun replied softly. "I wouldn't want you to get hurt anymore than you already have been because of me."

"I understand." Junhee whispered softly in return. "I hope one day you're able to tell me exactly what happened, but until then I won't force you to. I don't want you to hurt because of me, either."

The photography student's sad eyes pulled at the musicians heart strings. At any moment the boy could burst into tears and Junhee wouldn't know why or how to help.

But he was here. Junhee's soulmate sat before him having admitted what he was to Junhee.

Despite not having him in the way Junhee had initially wanted his soulmate to be, it felt like it was enough.

"Thank you."