My Life in Poems

With my whole heart

- What is Love? -

Love. A word. A thing. A feeling.
I don't really know..
Is love even real? I think it has to be real..
But there's different types of love. Love between siblings, love between a mother and a daughter. Or a father and a son. Or between a friend and a friend.
Between a partner and a partner.
I know I've loved before. I love my family very deeply.
Especially my mother and my siblings.
But I don't know if I've ever loved another person romantically. Sometimes I think I'm incapable of love. My relationships never seem to last or succeed.
Why don't they ever last? Why do I feel like it's always because of me?
It scares me and I don't like to be scared.
What if I'm not capable of loving someone else?

I've seen love but not like I thought love was supposed to be. Or at least not like how they portray it in all the movies. I know my parents loved each other.
But I don't think they love each other romantically.
I don't remember seeing them be affectionate with each other. Or the cute little moments parents usually have. I think at some point they realized the love they had for each other was mainly
The love they had for us
For my sisters, for my brothers, and for me.

But I don't want that kind of love.
It's not enough for me.
I don't know if anything will ever be enough for me.
I feel as though I'm always wanting more. To know more to feel more to be more.
I feel as though I'm not enough to be truly loved by someone.
When will I know that I've found the right one? Because it seems like many don't find the right one.
My problem isn't falling in love.. my problem is staying in love.
I'll love for months but at some point I always fall out of love.
It's either that or my mind is playing tricks on me and I just push everyone that cares about me away.
Why can't I fully love someone?

With my whole heart.