hala | chancheol

⛓ part 4: forgiveness ⛓

THE NEXT time chan regained his consciousness, he was still on the same bed, but minus the chains and wrapped in a fresh sheet.

it smelled of sweet strawberries, the smell of sweat and sex having disappeared completely.

he liked it either way, the strawberry reminded him of that one time he had watched a movie together with seungcheol after their weekly session.
the sex scent reminded him of the.... things they did together yesterday, and it made him blush.

just why was he still so attached to someone he had done so wrong things to 4 damn years ago?

he wished seungcheol would forgive him. the thought of the older had never left his mind, he appeared in his nightmares as well as best day dreams.

seungcheol forgiving him, then it was seungcheol dead on the floor, his blood pooling around chans feet, and then it was him and seungcheol infront of the altar again.

was this even love anymore? or some unhealthy obsession?

he really wished it to be love, he wanted to love the read haired. call him his boyfriend, hug him and kiss him.

seungcheol. he had fo find the other.

rolling himself up into a blanket burrito, chan got up from the bed and started waddling to the door-

there, on the floor, laid silent night, reminding him of his job. it hurt, he should be home by now-

if his chef found out he hadn't killed seungcheol, they would both die, oh god he had fucked up.

but when had he ever not fucked up everything?

seungcheol, minghao, now seungcheol again-

he seemed to have a talent to fuck things up beyond repair, he thought bitterly.

at first that damn thing with the recordings, he still wanted to die for it. actually, he had tried to jump two days after seungcheol had cut him off.
then he had graduated, only to find out minghao was in jail. he had enough money to bail him out, yet he didnt move a finger when minghao was sentenced to five years in jail. why? he didnt know. minghao shouldnt rot in jail, but chan couldn't bring himself to help the Chinese boy.
and now ...

now he had fucked up this one good thing too. he had spoken the death sentence over himself and seungcheol, just because he was too dumb to say no.

he should've just shot seungcheol when he was still just another guy he had to kill, a meaningless name without a face.
no feelings, everything left unsaid and -known.

but now? now everything was different. he knew he would never be able to pull the trigger, knowing the bullet was destined for the one he loved, the boy who had showed him heaven multiple times just yesterday.

he could never do that.

killing himself- which he would gladly do, too often had he already thought of pulling the trigger and embedding a bullet in his own skull - wouldnt work now either. he knew how his chef and his clients were, they wouldn't rest before seungcheol was six feet under.
no matter what chan would do, what proposal he had, what to offer. the outcome was always the same.

a sob ripped from his throat, catching him off guard. he gasped in shock, hoping seungcheol hadn't heard anything (if he was around).

but of course, his prayers were left unanswered when the door was thrown open and the familiar red head stormed in.

"chan! what happened? are you okay? are you hurt?"

"no..." suddenly, he felt so weak. like every ounce of energy had been sucked out of his body, leaving a dead shell behind.
chan wanted to curl up and die, or just dissolve into tears in seungcheols broad arms.

"chan, baby, what's up? tell me please."

gently cupping the youngers cheeks and forcing him to look at him, seungcheol pressed a soft kiss onto his lips.

"I-" the tears finally broke free, sprinting down his cheeks like it was a race, to see which one could hit the floor to his feet first.
"I fucked up- i fucked up damnit! again..."

"nono, what's going on. sit down first, shhh."
seungcheol lead the boy to the bed, sitting him down and silently hugging him, wrapping his arms around the bed sheets covering the black haired boys body.

patiently waiting until the tears had dried and chan was able to think straight again.

"they sent me...", he whispered, sniffling in between. now, fear took over his heart, what if seungcheol hated him now? would the older accept him, despite the truth of his life? or would it just be a second reason for him to hate chan?

"who sent you, baby?"

"work....I'm here...I'm here to kill-kill you."

"oh." seungcheol sighed, sounding...relieved?
"I thought something else happened! I know that already, baby, it's okay. they wont hurt me and I wont let them hurt you, okay?"

"how- how do you know..." chan trailed off. he didnt want to say that again, it made his insides turn.

"at first, I was furious. I hated you", seungcheol mumbled, "you did me wrong and I wanted to never see you again. but then...I dont know, I started missing you. seeing you in my dreams. so I contacted am old friend...jihoon took care of the videos too, by the way. and he found you and tracked you down. he sent me the emails between you and your boss, everything. I know it all. and it's okay, I understand."

"what did he do with the...the videos?"

"he deleted every trace of them, and put them on private. you dont know how much I've earned so far, they pay thousands of dollar on various porn sites and other dark sites, just to see my videos." seungcheol chuckled darkly. "I hate it, but its okay. they pay well and jihoon deletes their copy of the videos after they've watched it, so the only ones really possessing them are him and me."

"and...you're really okay with my job? how can you be sure they wont hurt you? they wont keep quiet until you're dead!"

"not anymore, they're gone by now."

"what?" chan gasped, looking up at the older.

"I bailed minghao out and paid him to put your boss and the guy after me to permanent rest."

"they-they- minghao-he-" chan stuttered, his body starting to lightly shake in seungcheols lap.

seungcheol hugged him tighter, softly humming. "yes. you're free, chan. and I've got a proposal to make."

"yes?", the younger whispered, fear and anticipation laced in his voice.

"chan. will you move to china with me? minghao live there and he has got a really big mansion - his boyfriend is a mafia boss, but thats another story - he would share with us."

"but-but-"

both knew what chan was too afraid to say. do you forgive me?

"yes", seungcheol smiled softly, "I forgive you. you did wrong, you did something bad. but that wont change the fact that I love you to death and longer, so I forgive you."

"you, you love me?"
chans eyes grew wide in shock.

"yes."

"I love you too...."

he was overwhelmed, tears running down his cheeks when seungcheol leaned down and placed a soft kiss on chans lips.

with the delicate touch, something bloomed in chans chest.

he felt warmth spreading through his body, lighting the last bits of darkness in him on fire.

he was alive again.

✖ ⛓ ✖