All You Want

24) Between The Both of Us

Draco's eyes widened innocently. "Me?"

"Yes," Hermione pursed her lips as she stared down at him.  "Is this like that scratch you got in third year?"

Draco was silent for a moment. Hermione's expression grew indignant and she started squirming and trying to climb off the bed.

"You're unbelievable," she said, fuming.

"What? How can you accuse me of pretending? I didn't even want to come here," Draco said, refusing to let her escape. "I wanted to take you back to our room and snog you. You're the one who dragged me to the Headmistress' office and then made me come here."

She stopped trying to escape but continued to eye him suspiciously.

"I didn't even ask you to stay. You're the one who decided to stay," he added, removing his hands. His eyes were large and reproachful. "You can go if you want."

Hermione sighed. She would never have thought someone as large and angular as Draco Malfoy could look so much like a puppy when he was sad.

"I'm not going to leave." She rolled her eyes and let out a long low breath. "But you got a reputation for being over dramatic. I—I'm not sure how to be around you and not be a bit suspicious of you."

Draco's face fell noticeably.

Hermione felt a stab of guilt. She wanted to put her hands over his eyes in order to hide them. When he stared at her like that, she had to stifle the temptation to lean forward and kiss the expression away.

His eyes were like enormous silver pools of emotion. It was like staring at a baby unicorn.

"I don't mean I don't trust you." She turned her head upward and studied the ceiling. "I just—we have a lot of history. It makes everything so complicated. I mean—look at the mess we just started sorting through. It's like we're designed to misunderstand each other. I've spent the last several months trying to deal with the fact I was sleeping with you even though you didn't want anything to do with me. Trying to suddenly see you differently—it's a lot of conversations that I suddenly don't understand the meaning of. There were a lot of times when you said things and I just assumed it was a reference to my being Muggleborn. Now I don't even know what we talked about most of the time when we did talk." Her voice trailed off slightly.

"You could have asked," he said quietly. "I would have told you, if you'd ever asked."

"I know." Hermione's head dropped. "I assumed things because it felt safer than asking. I don't—do vulnerable very well." Hermione swallowed hard as she looked at him. Her shoulders felt taut. "Having this happen to me—presenting—it has honestly felt more terrifying than anything else I've ever faced. At least during the war it was external forces. But this is inside me. It's my body and my mind and it feels like they're betraying me. I don't know what to do. I've always been able to trust my mind. Even more than magic. My mind is—me. But now I feel like it isn't anymore. Not entirely." Her gaze dropped down to her wrists. "I don't know what the right way of being brave about all this is. So—I just decided to be miserable about the situation with you, rather than facing it and taking the risk of making everything worse than it already was. I'm really sorry."

Draco's hands slid around her waist. "It's not your fault. You never said my probation was the reason you chose me to scent-mark you. I just couldn't believe it when you gave other reasons. I assumed they were to make me feel better."

Hermione cringed."It's such a mess. I almost asked last night. It was on the tip of my tongue after you apologized, to just ask you why you left. But then I lost my nerve."

Draco brought his hands up and rested them on her shoulders for a moment and then slid them down to close around her wrists. At the sensation, Hermione's shoulders instantly relax. She drew a deep breath.