What's Love Got To Do With It?

8.

The only sound surrounding them was that of the running engine. Alice looked sidewards, to see him clearly deep in his thoughts. She hoped he would notice that she was staring at him, but when he didn't, she spoke up.

"What are you thinking about?" Her voice was quiet and inviting. It made FP realize that he wasn't sitting alone in the cruiser, which was an unusual feeling. 

When you were used to keeping your thoughts to yourself it meant a lot when someone actually wanted to know what was going on inside your head. He wasn't alone anymore. He had a friend now. Maybe even more, but that was a thing only time would tell. His fingers nervously tapped on the steering wheel.

"Melinda Mantle, Manfred Muggs, Midge Klump and... Fred." He said quietly, afraid that his face would betray how much it was affecting him. Something inside him had changed when he had seen the almost lifeless body of the man that used to be like a brother. As if things were personal now.

"Is he your friend?" Alice recalled him mentioning something like that at the SoDale opening, but she been too busy with her own emotions to actually remember what his connection to her neighbor was.

"He was. I fucked up pretty badly." FP's tears stung in his eyes as memories of his friendship with Fred flashed before his eyes. He had been more than just a friend. He was family. And then he ran away thinking he wasn't good enough to have someone on his life who supported him like Fred did. 

"What did you do?" Alice asked carefully, seeing the hurt in FP's eyes and not wanting to upset him more than he already was. 

"We drifted apart." FP mumbled, not sure if he was ready to even remind himself of what had happened. It had all been his own fault. He had been a coward. And in a way, he still was. 

"Those things happen, FP." Alice said sympathetically. 

It was part of life that you didn't stay friends with everyone around you. Sometimes relationships had an expire date, which was fine. But that wasn't what this was. He looked at her for a brief moment and realized that if there was someone he could be honest with, it was Alice. 

"I cut him off. I thought that would be better before he'd leave himself. Trying to spare my own feelings. I ended up hurting both of us." His voice was soft as his cheeks blushed a deep shade of red. He knew how stupid this sounded. 

Who abandoned a friend just in case of them leaving, creating the exact thing they were afraid of? Well, FP did. He needed to be in control. If his heart was going to break, he needed to be the one in charge. 

"What is it with your fear of people leaving?" Alice knew exactly what was going on and decided to ask straight away. She wished he could see what for a wonderful, sweet and loving human being he was so he'd understand that people like Fred and herself wouldn't leave out of the blue. 

"Nobody ever stays." FP swallowed away his tears, memories from all the moments people had walked away flashing in front of his eyes. 

It had started with his Dad after abusing him for years, followed by an endless list of people he loved, but who eventually disappeared. 

"So you think it's better to push everyone away before they even have the chance to prove you wrong? Don't you think Fred would have stayed?" Alice said softly, feeling the need to push him and open his eyes without upsetting him too much. 

"He might would have. And now I might not even have the chance to apologize for being such a shitty friend." FP grabbed the steering wheel even tighter, the tension in his body growing more and more. Fred couldn't die. Not before he had apologized. Not before he had told him how much he cared for him.