January Ember

✨Prologue ✨

Tell me you believe me. I need you to say it.

As the words ring in my mind, they add in the chill of the starless night. I find myself looking at her, wordlessly staring at her beautiful auburn hair flowing elegantly with the breeze. I don't think I will ever be able to forget this night. The night I see her so at ease while she stares far away in the black painted horizon. The night I see her eyes glowing with serenity as if they hold the whole galaxy in them.

The night I see her lively auburn locks free from the all time found ponytail, rocking back and forth in the wind, for the first time.

And it's just so beautiful.

She's beautiful.

A lone tear falls down her reddened cheeks, glistening in the night like a diamond. I can't help but admire her beauty at such vulnerability. The tear holds so much more than anyone could ever know. The tear holds thousands of emotions she kept hidden until this blissful night. I find myself drawn to her, wishing to be the one standing beside her, holding her hand which would be so small in mine. It'll be perfect.

We'll be perfect.

But we both know what fate has decided for us.

My feet stay rooted to the ground as I recall our last conversation. I remember her swollen eyes, desperately calling out for help. I remember how she wanted to scream, but the disbelief silenced her screams of agony. I remember how hope slowly left her eyes, as she stared into mine finding solace. But I never caved in. I never believed her.

And just like that she lost everything.

Once again.

But this time I can no longer see the will to fight. Why would she? After all I had just betrayed her. Someone whom she loved and cared for, someone who she trusted with all her heart. Someone who she thought would never break her heart. But eventually she stood there, eyes once again devoid of any emotion, staring right into my soul.

Trust me, I never want to. I never want to see her hurt, but seeing her like this is so mesmerising that I want it to last forever. The ice cold eyes were pooled with warm tears for the first time. The never shaking hands were trembling as she held me for comfort for the first time. The iron heart pouring several emotions. For the first time.

I felt wanted, needed by her, for the first time.

And I want it to last forever.

Suddenly the life in her makes it's presence ever so slowly. She lifts her hand up, tracing the thin single silver chain, holding a small figure of a ballerina in the centre resting delicately on the smooth skin of her neck. As much as beautiful it looks on her, I hate it.
I hate to see her keeping a hold on it even in her last minutes, or if I were to be lucky enough, hours.

I wouldn't mind watching her for hours, doing nothing and ending doing the one thing she came here for. I want to stop her, but I'm terrified. I'm terrified of losing her in a way that would rip me apart. I can lose her forever, but I can't lose her to the world. I don't want to, but I have to.

She wouldn't understand me and I know it. She will never come back to me. Even if the time we spent together was never less than magical, she would never forgive me. I'm not afraid of her hating me, I'm afraid of her feeling nothing towards me.

The moon is finally showing it's darker side.

Her being with me is the only thing I ever want in this world, even if that meant I'll have to do anything. She is my home, she is my happiness and she always proved it. Even though it wasn't in the way I wanted it to be.

I didn't return the favour, I pushed her away when she needed me the most. For the one time in my life when she wanted me to help her, heal her, believe her, I didn't.

The waves of the ocean hit hard on the seaside rocks. Even though standing at a height like this, I can hear the ocean's roars, contrasting the silent night perfectly. Blending in the night's cries, her breathing sounds the most peaceful thing on earth. I know she can feel me, I know she knows I'm here, watching her intently.

And that's when her deep ocean eyes meet mine.

I'm struck, unable to move, unable to blink. Her onyx orbs keep mine captive, not demanding any answers but relaying a message, a message I'm failing to receive. The coldness is gone and the familiar warmth has returned. Only it feels different now and I'm not sure if I can decipher the things going through her mind.

The night becomes winsome as I see the most genuine smile form on her lips. And suddenly I'm taken to a new and unknown world.

There's no hatred in her eyes, there's no sorrow. There is just love, pure love. And it's for me.

And I'm going to lose it forever.

Panic strikes me as I see another tear roll down her cheek, leaving a wet trail behind on her heavenly skin. The realisation that I'm going to willingly lose her hits me hard and my heart beats picks up it's pace. Drumming in my chest, my heart aches with longing and fear.

Fear of never being able to see her again.

" No words are enough to say how thankful I am to you. " her honey sweet voice laced with pain says to me. " I'm grateful to have you in my life. I could never hate you and you know it. I'll always love you. "

I do not notice the tears formed in my eyes until they start to stain my cheeks. My mind is shutting down and all I can see is how beautiful she is. Nothing compares to how much I love her, how much I want her to be in my arms right now. But I'm glued to the ground while my limbs stay lifeless at my side.

No, I don't want to let go. I don't want to lose her, I can't.

And the final step is taken as she nears the cliff with my eyes widening with fear. Her eyes meet mine once again, saying a final goodbye which only fuels my panic.

I finally break into a sprint as I see her nearing to the edge. Everything's blur and my chest hurts so bad. I can't let her go, I can't lose her again.

Her feet leave the ground as she lets her body fall freely towards the roaring ocean.

And I lose it.

" Mia! "