violentine one shots

all inside my head

just to clarify this is a one shot to let some of my pent up emotions out.

he looks in the mirror and lifts up his shirt as tears brim his eyes and thoughts run through her head of who he wished he was and how much he hated herself, he collapsed to the floor and bursts into tears while he grabbed her hair and punched a wall wincing out of pain and crying harder. he hated everything about herself. especially the fact he was really..... a girl. he never told louis or clementine how he was trans, or that she doesn't have money because she's saving it for surgery, he tries to hide it, her friends just think he's a masculine lesbian who only wears boy clothes but the truth was, he wasn't himself...

"violet? are you home?" clementine banged on the door trying to get an answer as violet quickly washed her face and threw a hoodie on while pulling her hood up to hide her tear stained red face so clementine wouldn't worry as she ran down the stairs to open the door to a very cutely dressed clementine who instantly engulfed her in a tight love fuelled embrace

"hey clem.." she tried to hide the scratchy noises in her voice from where she'd be crying so loud, she doesn't talk much so everytime she screams or shouts it isn't long before her voice goes hoarse and scratchy.

"oh my god how are you? i've missed you so much sorry i haven't came by yet work has had my ass," she broke free from the hug as violet signalled her to enter her house.

"i'm quite alright clem, i've been having to do overtime to keep up with my mortgage, hows everything with Aj and louis?" she sat down on the kitchen island and sipped her tea while making another for clementine she always remembered the way she liked it two sugars, not too hot.

"well aj has been a bit introverted since he started therapy with Aasim... i think it's good for him to talk to a therapist tho especially since he already knows and is comfortable with him. and louis is louis you know him and james are good they're honeymoon was apparently the best holiday he's had since you and him went to australia last year." she sipped her tea and watched as violet took off her hood and she held her hand seeing the sadness in her face as her cheeks turned slightly red at the contact, she didn't hesitate to hold her hand too though.

"i'm glad they're okay i've just had barely any time to myself let alone see you guys," she looked down as her eyes overflowed with tears, she told herself she couldn't breakdown, not now, not infront of clementine.

clem's heart shattered she hated violet being upset, she just wanted to see her smile like she used to, when they were kids and they would have sleepovers and their parents were best friends and they'd giggle and cuddle and kiss on the cheek sometimes, but they never told anyone about it.

"hey do you remember when we had sleepovers as a kid?" she giggled nervously as violet giggled along with her

"oh shit, fuck yeah! how could i forget?" they laughed a thought back to the good days but violet couldn't get one thing out of her head she started to turn red...

"you were my first kiss." she blurted out and immediately hated herself as clem giggled at the memory.

"you were my second, but damn you know how to kiss..." she smiled and lit a cigarette as violet tilted her head down to hide her crimson red cheeks, she didn't know about her first kiss until now.

"who was your first?" clementine bursted into a fit of laughter thinking how awkward and in love she was at the time.

"gabe's sister, third grade." violets eyes widened, she had no idea of clems sexuality she always assumed she was straight and all the drunk hookups and kisses were just mistakes. drunk mistakes.

"so wait your gay...?" she never has the courage or knew how to ask her bestfriend of her sexuality but now didn't seem like a bad time to bring up the question.

"half gay. i'm bisexual wasn't that obvious!" the thoughts clicked in her head it was very obvious she went both ways. but she didn't wanna be like rude and assume.

"ohhhh.... well did you like me then?" she blushed a deep rosey red.

"yeah.... but.... i still love you now." she cupped her cheeks and kissed her passionately as violets lips didn't hesitate for a second and kissed her back as they started a heated makeout session and clementine pushed violet on the couch and straddled her while kissing her roughly and getting the hem of violets hoodie and started to try and take it off as violet sat up slightly and tried to pull it back down... she hated her chest. she hated her body.... and she thought if clem saw it she'd hate it too.

"please.... don't." she whispered her voice weak and full of pain. lots of pain. as she broke down and started to cry.....

"i'm so sorry violet..." clementine thought she triggered violet to a bad sexual encounter. turns out she triggered her gender dysmorphia.

"i don't wanna be a girl..." she cried and sobbed into her hands on the couch as clementine hugged her gently rocking her finally understanding what she meant and strokes her hair as she cried and cried into her lap until she couldn't cry....

not anymore...

"what if she doesn't like it lou?" she turned to louis looking at engagement rings the most biggest flashiest ones you could imagine.

"i think it's perfect!" he spoke to the jeweller and managed to get a slight discount on the ring for violet since he was better at doing that sort of stuff....

violet didn't want his name changed. he didn't want to change it to anything new. and so here we are. 5 years and £100,000 worth of surgeries later he was a fully grown whole new man.

"well then... i guess it's time?" they walked into louis' car and sat down as violet sighed and thought hard about how he could propose to clementine? would she say yes? would she leave him? what if she says no and humiliated him? she couldn't stop thinking about all the possibilities.....

"any ideas how you're gonna propose?" louis raised his eyebrow and scanned violets worried face. he hated when he was upset. he always thought the worst but louis wouldn't let that happen... not anymore. 
"how about you let me help you? after all i did get married like five years ago." violet gave him a puzzled look.

"you put a wedding ring in your husband's food and tried to kill him. so romantic." she replied sarcastically and rolled her eyes while remembering the memory of james almost choking on a wedding ring in a chicken nugget. although arguably that would be the way violet would love to be taken out.

"you know what. fair enough but like what if we made a full day out of it? like i take clementine out and you set something up or something like proposing to her on the beach? or something romantic. we all know you're a hopeless romantic vi." violet would be lying if he said he wouldn't atleast consider that idea. and that's just what they did....

part two??

A//N: okay i haven't written in a while and i've been going through a lot of gender issues and illnesses forgive me. but i really needed somewhere to vent and let out my problems.. also trans violet? i think yes.