between the lines//MGG

14

for the first time, I am able to rest on the plane. I didn't sleep at all last night, spending the hours flipping between reading Lolita and reveling in my own imagination. the gentle thrum of the airplane and cozy Tisch sweater I'm wearing help me doze off. 

when I land, I text Josh to come pick me up. he's punctual and surprises me with Neil in the car. I've been thinking about that, too; my parents don't know about Neil yet. I wonder if he'll be joining us tonight. I hope he does because everyone would love him.

"how was your flight?" Neil asks from the passenger seat. he hands something to me as I settle into the back, and I laugh aloud. 

"did you guys seriously get me chicken fingers? it's 11 am." I eagerly open the box anyway. it's from my favorite place, which we don't have back in LA. I peel the cover off a container of the signature sauce and dig in. I haven't eaten at all today. 

"you're not complaining, Miss Piggy." Josh chides. 

"ew, don't call me that." I chuckle. I regale my flight experience for them as we drive back to the apartment, which is where I'll be staying again. I have been here far too many times in the past month. 

"have you talked to Mom or Dad since I've been here?" I ask. we go by Des Moines' busiest street, where it's cold and slightly deserted. November air is bleak, casting the city in a grayish haze.

"I went out to eat with Dad a few days after you left, but only saw Mom once. she's been pouring herself into her work." he replies. I nod. she does that when she's in pain. 

"oh, okay. how is this all supposed to work, anyway? are we going over early to help out?" 

by the time we get to my mom's house that morning, we are in the midst of full chaos. she gives me a brief hug before shooing us out to pick up about eighty different things. because of her food-related job, she is a total tight-ass about Thanksgiving and food presentation. there are even more cinnamon-scented candles than usual around the house. 

as we wander through the Whole Foods, Neil and Josh pry into my life. I tell them about Friendsgiving and the very few things that have happened between the last time I saw them and now. 

"explain to me this Matthew character." Josh places his hand on my arm to get my attention as I examine a gourd that would go nicely with the centerpiece. 

"huh?" I frown. 

"you've brought him up in, like, every other sentence." Neil inserts. I look between the two of them, bewildered. Josh's jaw drops. 

"oh my god, do you have a secret boyfriend? is that why you've been acting weird?" they look at each other, then back at me. I push my brother's jaw up to close his mouth. 

"god, no, I don't have a secret boyfriend. why would I keep that a secret?" I laugh it off. after growing up together, Josh doesn't believe me.

"because you're fucking crazy, that's why." he looks more amused than anything else. 

"I am not fucking crazy!" 

"you literally don't tell any of us anything unless we drag it out of you. you're just like Mom. you would totally have a secret boyfriend." he explains. I purse my lips and turn on my heel. this is the second time someone has compared me to my mother and I am not having it. plus, what does he mean, acting weird? I'm not acting weird.  

"first of all, I'm not just like Mom-- I actually deal with my emotions," I start, earning a surprised expression from both of them. "second of all, Matthew and I aren't dating. we're just friends."