between the lines//MGG

19

hi everyone! I just wanted to hop on quick and say thank you for all your sweet comments and messages! you all have no idea what it means to me to have people, like, actually ~enjoy my writing~ like that's insane to me. all of your comments in general make me so happy! anyway, I just wanted to say thank you. as a small writer, it literally means the moon and stars. okay now enjoy this one!

Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song" plays smoothly in the background as I roam the house with the lighter, igniting the many candles throughout. I love Christmas Eve and can't help my satisfied humming as Remy follows at my heels, his white paws scampering over the floor. Pascal, who I brought back with me this time, dozes on my bed.

the whole house smells like nutmeg and honeyed ham, and the sound of whisks against ceramic bowls adds a homey white noise to it all. Josh is downstairs laughing about something with Neil and my mother, but I like doing my decorating alone.

when I've finished with that, I go down to the living room to gaze one more time at our Christmas tree. we spent all yesterday adding pretty ornaments to the branches, which inevitably ended in my mom scooping my brother and I into sentimental hugs. heaps of precisely-wrapped gifts (another of my mother's talents) sit enticingly beneath. like a child, I have to withhold from tearing open the boxes with Chloé written on them in perfect calligraphy.

the only thing that could make this better would be Matthew. every time I pulled out a silly ornament yesterday, even when I opened up my box of ugly sweaters, I thought of him. I wonder if he wears ugly Christmas sweaters; I bet he does.

nope! I'm not thinking about him. I'm not letting him ruin my second-favorite holiday. AJ has to be right-- he'll come around. although, the more days that pass in his absence, the more I begin to doubt that.

"sweetheart, can you come help me with the pie?" my mom's voice calls from the kitchen. I flounce into the room and see that she's waiting for me to make the blueberry filling. I nod and get to work.

Neil tells us all about his Hanukkah celebrations growing up and how funny it was to see Josh meet his family this year.

"he's really the best, coming with me to all the gatherings." Neil smiles.

"you're the best, my love." Josh leans over to rub noses with his boyfriend, which is both nauseatingly cheesy and absolutely adorable. my mom and I share knowing grins. I have never in my life seen Josh so happy.

...

when my father arrives at the party, I give him a hug and smile at all the gifts he's brought. he has two enormous paper bags filled to the brim with wrapped presents, and when I go to set them under the tree, I notice that more of them are for me than for Josh. it's obvious who the favorite is.

I hate eggnog, so I sip on champagne as I chat with my dad and await other family members. my parents spend most of the time apart, but they're polite when they greet each other. I can sense some of the tension.

Aunt Winnie hugs me so tightly, you'd think we hadn't seen each other in years. her embrace, accompanied by the delicate clinking of her bangles, is somewhat comforting. when she informs me that my mother told her all about Matthew, my eyes widen and I try to gracefully slip out of the conversation.

and then my little cousins come.

kicking, screaming, and hungry for pie, they barge into the household. Remy loves them and how they dote on him, digging their small fingers into his curly black fur and playing endless games of fetch. Pascal sulks jealously from his spot by the fireplace. 

my favorite cousin, Elena, is seven now and likes to follow me around the house. usually, she makes me bring her to my old bedroom to look through high school yearbooks and read to her, but my mom is keeping me pretty busy with cooking. so, I take her into the kitchen with me and feed her sugar cookies while she watches me cook. I ask about school, and she whispers the details about her new "boyfriend." it's incredibly sweet, but soon she gets antsy and wants to help cook.