I'm so sorry. When we agreed on me moving out to LA and joining the Hype House, we had such high hopes —that we'd get back to where we were as kids. But we've honestly grown apart more in the few months I've been here, than when I was in Canada. Maybe distance is our thing... as sad as it is.
I know how much pressure you feel to be your own person, especially within the Hype House and mom always looking over your shoulder. But just know I'm proud of you big bro, always and forever. Even though you denied it at first, I know that me being in the Hype House stunted your growth as an influencer and young adult. You went back to your older brother ways; always looking out for me when you needed to think about yourself for once.
I love that you care. But we're adults now Pat, we can take care of ourselves first.
You are one of the most selfless human beings I've ever known and I thank you for implementing that in the way we grew up. I'm glad you taught me that.
I know it impacted you, because it impacted me — the divide in our family. I didn't mean to form it, but... it's what happened. I didn't expect dad to come with me to Idaho, and I didn't expect him to follow me to Canada. And I'm so beyond sorry I stripped our father from you and Kenny. I hope you know how incredibly sorry I am.
I keep saying sorry because I feel like I brought so much pain upon you. And there's a small part of me that says "no Poppy, it's okay. You were doing the right thing." But the other 98% of my mind goes, "fuck you Poppy, you inconsiderate bitch." My head has been hurting and foggy ever since I moved here. I knew it was temporary, but I never knew how much it'd fuck me up Pat.
I always stayed true with you guys, social media, and family. But then, I felt like I was lying to myself, that I was happy. I don't know, it's just ~mental health~ things you know, I won't burden you with it too much Pat.
I guess all I'm trying to say is that this is goodbye for a while, and that I'm gonna miss you like crazy. And I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye... but I knew seeing you or Ryland would've prompted me to stay. And my mind and heart can't take it anymore. I'm sorry.
I'm so proud of who you're becoming and can't wait to see what you do with your career. Always and forever smoosh.
Love, Your little poopy munchkin ♡
(Enjoy these pictures I found)
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