The Story of Us (Book 1 of "The Story of Us" Series) [Completed]

Chapter 20 - If I Knew Then

[February 2004]

Nick walked into his house, tossing his keys on the counter. In his hand he held a little bag from Best Buy. He stopped by after dropping Paris off at one of the after parties and bought Harley's album. The salesperson gave him a weird look but Nick didn't give a shit. He needed to hear it, especially after hearing the song she performed at the awards show.

He knew everything about that song was about him and their relationship. It drove him crazy that he could have heard the song months ago but was too stubborn.

He walked into the kitchen, taking a beer out of the fridge and walked into his living room. He took the CD out of the bag, staring at the cover. It was a close up of her face in black and white. It looked as if she had been crying. He tore the wrapping off of the CD and took the disc out. He opened up his CD player, putting the disc in.

He heard "Better than Revenge" started to play and hit next. He'd heard that song plenty of times. He didn't need to hear it again. He grabbed the remote for his stereo and sat down in his recliner, staring at the back of the CD case.

The next song was called "Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You," and he sighed, hearing a ballad begin to play. It was definitely a country song, more so than "Better than Revenge" was. It was a heavy acoustic sounding melody and then she began to sing.

(Click here to listen to "Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You")

I remember the way you made love to me
Like I was all you'd ever need
Did you change your mind, well I didn't change mine
Now here I am trying to make sense of it all
We were best friends now we don't even talk
You broke my heart, ripped my world apart

Didn't you know how much I loved you?
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby?
I gave you everything, every part of me
Didn't you feel it when I touched you?
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby?
Baby tell me, didn't you know how much I loved you?

He took a sip of his beer, listening to the second verse of the song. He knew Harley had to record this not long after their break up. He could hear the pain in her voice as she sung. She wasn't acting out the pain like most singers did for songs like this. It was real, it was emotional and it was raw.

He was already two songs into the album and felt like a complete asshole.

The second song on the album went off and the third, "Haunted" began to play. It was another "power ballad" as Harley always called them. Ballads were what she was best at and she knew it. This ballad was a bit faster than the previous song on the album.


He closed his eyes, listening to the first verse of the song and knew this one was about him too. It was about a break up –their break up.

He sighed, hearing the chorus begin.

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong, you're all I wanted
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted

Nick took another sip of his beer and listened as the second verse began to play.

Stood there and watched you walk way
From everything we had
But I still mean every word I said to you
He would try to take away my pain
And he just might make me smile
But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead

Nick smirked, wondering if it was Tom Brady she was singing about. She dated him before the album was finalized. Couldn't have been Ashton, even though deep down, he wished it was. He wished the whole relationship with Ashton was for show, to make him jealous but he wasn't so sure. She looked happy with Ashton and he hadn't seen her look happy since before they broke up. Even in photos she looked depressed.

As "Haunted" went off, the next song, "Undo It" came on.

It had a different beat and definitely wasn't a ballad. It was more of a mid-tempo song with a strong guitar lead. He had hoped the album wouldn't be full of love sick ballads and as he listened to the lyrics, he got his wish. The song got harder.

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see, everything you lack
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

"Fuck," he sighed, knowing this one was about him too. He took another long sip of his beer, finishing the bottle and sat it on the table beside his chair.

Now your photos don't have a picture frame
And I never say your name and I never will
And all your things, well I threw them in the trash
And I'm not even sad

Now you only have yourself to blame
For playing all those stupid games
You're always going to be the same, no you'll never change

"Bullshit," he hissed. "You still have that sweatshirt." He shook his head, not even wanting to hear the rest of the song.

He skipped ahead to the next song that was called "Kiss You on the Mouth."


He sighed, hoping this one didn't sound as depressing to him as the others. The music that began to play didn't sound sad, it sounded romantic.

I don't want to talk about the weather
I don't want to go out on the town
I don't want to watch TV together
I just want to kiss you on the mouth

We don't have to spend a lot of money
We don't need to get up off this couch
I just want to turn the lights down honey
And kiss you on the mouth

I wanna get drunk on your lips like wine
Get lost in you a thousand times
Baby while you're here with me tonight

Nick smiled, holding the CD case up to his mouth. Finally, it wasn't a depressing song. It was a good song, but he didn't know when the hell she wrote it unless it was before the break up. There was no way she could have written this one about Tom Brady. It had to be about them. They always sat on the sofa together, whether in the tour bus, in a hotel room or at her house.

I think I could stay like this forever
Baby this is what life's all about
Let me show you how to make it better
Let me kiss you on the mouth

The one happy sounding song on the album stopped and the next song began to play. It sounded like another song, maybe another happy song. It was definitely a mid-tempo ballad song called "Still Don't Stop Me."

(Click here to listen to "Still Don't Stop Me")

I'd like to tell myself if you showed up tonight
I'd tell you to go to hell
And get on with my life
I'd just walk away
Without a fight
Without one tear falling from my eye
And I'd like to think that's what I would do
Yeah, I know that's what I would do

Nick sighed. He was wrong about this one. It sounded depressing.

But it still don't stop me
Yeah, it still don't change the truth
Cause baby you got me and I can't let go of you
I know if I let you back in
It's the same damn thing all over again
You'll just hurt me, you'll just hurt me
But it still don't stop me

He stood up from his recliner and walked into the kitchen as the song continued to play. He grabbed the rest of the twelve pack of beer. There was at least eight bottles left. He grabbed a bag of chips off the counter and walked back to the living room to hear the song start to go off.

"What's next," he muttered, sitting down. He looked down at the CD case to see the next song was called "Best Days of Your Life."

It immediately started out with a beat and singing what was probably the chorus. It was upbeat and he had a feeling this one was about him too.

Ain't it a shame
A shame that every time you hear my name
Brought up in a casual conversation
You can't think straight?
And ain't it sad
You can forget about what we had
Take a look at her and do you like what you see?
Or do you wish it was me?

Nick moaned, leaning back in his seat.

I'll be there in the back of your mind
From the day we met to the very last night
And it's just too bad you've already had the best days
The best days of your life

Nick took the CD booklet out of the case, taking a sip of beer. He started looking through the photos.

And does she know
Know about the times you used to hold me
Wrapped me in your arms and how you told me
I'd be the only one?
I heard about
Yeah, someone told me once when you were out
She went a little crazy, ran her mouth about me
Ain't jealousy funny?

Life with me was a fairytale love
I was head over heels 'til you threw away us
And it's just too bad you've already had the best days
The best days of your life

As the song ended, Nick stared at the photo behind the lyrics for "Last Kiss," the song that she performed at the Grammy's. It was her sitting with her guitar on the floor, much like she had done in the performance. And she had on his sweatshirt, just like the performance.

He stared at it, listening to another slow song start to play. He didn't even bother looking to see the title at first. He was too busy staring at the photo, wondering if their breakup really affected her as much as it seemed. He never thought it would have hurt her that much. He knew it would sting a little, hurt for a little while, but he never thought it would inspire her to write as much as she did and what she had written.

(Click here to listen to "Mama's Song")

Mama, you taught me do the right things
So, now you have to let your baby fly
You've given me everything that I will need
To make it through this crazy thing called life
And I know you watched me grow up
And only want what's best for me
And I think I found the answer to your prayers

Nick jumped, looking at the back of the CD case. The song was called "Mama's Song." It must have been one of the songs she had written for her Mom. He sighed, thankful that it wasn't a song about him for once.

And he is good, so good
He treats your little girl like a real man should
He is good, so good
He makes promises he keeps
No, he's never gonna leave
So don't you worry about me, don't worry about me

"Fuck," Nick muttered, standing up from his chair. Even her song for her mother was about him. She had to write it before the break up, right after her death. He couldn't listen to the rest of it, not if he didn't want to get so drunk he would forget it.

He skipped ahead to the ninth song and looked at the CD case. It started out with a slow beat and some voices in the background. One of the voices was Harley. It was her duet with Rascal Flatts that she had won the Grammy for.

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Nick sighed, listening to the part of the song that the guy from Rascal Flatts sung. As the song continued to play, he reached the 'thank you' section of her CD booklet. He didn't know if he should even read it. The album pretty much spoke for itself.