infinity || minsung

"spiral"

chapter five
minho

After years of waiting for disaster, having a due date is both a relief and a whole new set of worries. I no longer feel like a sitting duck, blissfully ignorant to the impending danger. But every time I walk in the forest, spend a movie night with Jisung, go to my father's house — I'm aware that there are only three, two, one of these evenings left.

Seungmin, Jeongin and Hyunjin come to visit us, and Seungmin and I manage to sneak away for a run while the others skip rocks at the beach.

"I... didn't expect it," he says. "It was kind of surreal — Felix telling me what you two had planned. I'd been trying to block out the Volturi problem. Healthy disassociation or whatever."

"It's not really a happy place, is it?"

"Not really. But it involves all of us, whether or not we're willing to admit it. And now it involves me quite a bit..."

I laugh. "I'm sorry. I got you into this shit — all of you."

"Trust me, the drama between us and the Volturi didn't start with you. Besides, it's risky for all of us."

"I wonder... why are you doing it? Helping me and Felix?"

"Why?" He shrugs. "Because you're my brothers. I wanna make sure you're safe."

I pout. "Min."

He rolls his eyes, stifling a smile. "I know, Min."

"It must be hard. You know, with Hyunjin and Jeongin. I only have one husband to worry about."

He laughs. "It's scary, yeah. But I know they would've done the same if Felix had asked one of them instead of me." He lets out a heavy sigh. "Speaking of him — Felix is planning something. Something he's not telling us."

"I think so too."

"Whatever it is, hopefully it'll be helpful. We're gonna need it."

My conversation with Seungmin doesn't do much to ease my worries. After they leave, as the days tick down, it only gets worse. Jisung notices — naturally, because he always notices — that my anxiety is acting up.

"Tell me what's bothering you, my love."

"Nothing, I'm fine. Do we really have to have this conversation again?"

He takes my face, makes me meet his eyes. "If you're trying to protect me or something, cut it out. I wanna help you any way I can." But his voice is clipped. "We can talk about the Volturi more, if that's what it is."

I sigh. "Okay, look, you're right. I've been stressed lately. It's because... there's this guy in my life, and I love him so fucking much that sometimes I feel like I'm gonna keel over and die."

He laughs and rolls his eyes. "Whoever is this guy?"

"He's right here." I lean in to kiss his cheeks and forehead, memorizing his scars.

"It'll pass. You know that, don't you, my love? Good and bad comes and goes, you'll feel better, I promise."

"Of course."

The thing is, it won't pass. D-day will come and everything will be different afterward. Either I'll be inducted into the Volturi, my only comfort that Jisung is home, safe, not stuck paying for a crime he didn't commit, or I'll be dead. There's a chance I could make it if Seungmin, Felix and I managed to flee, but that would only be delaying the inevitable, wouldn't it?

Thoughts like that, that death is inevitable, become more and more commonplace. It scares me. Sometimes I wish I was already on the way to Italy — the anticipation is hell.