pusillanimous- Violet Baudelaire x fem! reader

Chapter Two

"Oh, and Sunny, maybe I could use the rattle aunt Josephine gave you to invent a burglar alarm," Violet said while we ate.

"And Sunny, you could have my deck of cards, you enjoy poker more than I do," Klaus slid them over to her as they all traded.

"But that leaves you with the doll."

"Many boys enjoy playing with dolls, although I don't, but thanks to y/n I have a new book to occupy my time with instead."

"Still, it doesn't seem fair when Sunny and I have two and you only have one you'll enjoy."

"At least aunt Josephine's trying. I mean, she got us gifts even though she didn't know what we liked. We shouldn't complain."

"You're right."

Wow, they're extremely polite especially considering the trauma they've been through. One might expect that they'd have pent up emotions but I guess not.
...

"Aunt Josephine told us all the answers we need were in her library, but she made a grammatical error," Klaus said as we followed him to the library.

"Wait, let me get this straight, Miss Josephine made a grammatical error?" I asked.

"The word library is singular, meaning one, but this isn't one library, it's two, the one you see here," he moved the shelf to reveal the safe and picture of Ike, "and the one you don't, and Josephine might not open up, but her safe might."

"That won't be easy, that's why people have safes," Violet pointed out. "Most safes use three numbers, that means that there are thousands of possible combinations."

"One million. Josephine said that she and our parents developed secret codes, right? Well, some codes numbers substitute for letters and words," I spoke.

"If it's words, it'd have to be something she'd remember, something she cares about," said Violet.

"Grammar?" Klaus asked shyly.

I looked to the painting above the safe before saying, "Vi, you said most safes have three numbers, right?"

She looked at me and followed my gaze to the painting as did Klaus.

"Ike," they said in unison.

We knelt down beside the combination lock and Klaus started twisting it as he spoke. "I is the ninth letter of the alphabet, and eleven for k, and e the fifth."

He pulled the door open and inside we saw a box, sheet music, photos, and a mysterious book.

"Crackers?" Violet seemed confused as she opened the box.

Sunny mumbled some gibberish from her couch, which I translated to "safe crackers." I let out a small laugh and grabbed a few pages of sheet music.

"Very high-pitched Beethoven," Klaus said.

"It's Ike's whistling music," I explained. "He was one of the few people Miss Josephine knew who could whistle with crackers in his mouth. It's a strange hobby for sure, but it would take a fair amount of talent."

"Our father could whistle with crackers in his mouth," Violet smiled, pulling out the photos.

"Aunt Josephine wrestling with an alligator," Klaus said, awestruck.

"And winning."

"Boxing, skydiving..."

"Who jumps out of a plane for fun?"

"Cooking, with fire. She wasn't scared of anything."

"What happened to her?"

"As far as I know, the most traumatic thing that happened was Ike's death. Maybe it had a worse toll than we all thought," I said.

Klaus pulled out the book and read the title aloud. "The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations."

"All the answers we need are in here, even if Josephine won't tell us what's going on we can still find out," Violet realized.

I heard a muffled voice coming from outside.

"Not the doorknob!"

"Put it back, quick!" I said.

We hurriedly stuffed everything back into the safe and shut it before pulling the bookshelf over it and grabbing a couple books and sitting on the couch. I was in such a hurry that I accidentally sat on Violets lap. My face turned bright red as I slid off and sat beside her instead. I looked at her as I heard the door open and her cheeks were pink as well.

"Baudelaires, Baudelaires? There you are, hello Sunny. I found something very interesting at the town market and petting zoo," said Josephine, walking in and setting a large grocery bag filled with limes on the table.

"Limes," Violet attempted to seem interested.

"I found two very interesting things at the town market and petting zoo, one, yes, a great deal of limes, the other is even better." Josephine sat down in front of us. "Baudelaires, I know I am a disappointment to you and countless others. Believe it or not I used to be a fierce and formidable woman. Your parents and I, and yours as well y/n, back when we were close, we were more than friends. We were associates, colleagues, comrades, collaborators, allies, volunteers, but these are troubling times."

"We know you miss Ike very much."

"And I know you miss your parents very much. It's a curious thing, the death of a loved one. It's like climbing the stairs to your room in the dark, and you think that there's one more stair than there is, and your foot falls through the air and there's a sickly feeling of dark surprise."

"That's exactly what it's like," Klaus said morbidly.

"It's terrifying! But today, I realized, with my hands full of limes, that you can't be terrified forever! I think I am ready to be fierce and formidable again! I think we can do it together! So, can I leave you children alone a few more hours? He wants to take me out for a fried egg sandwich."

We looked at Josephine, puzzled.

"I met a man at the town market and petting zoo. I just wanted to get a warm cardigan that's flattering to my figure," She continued.

"You're going on a date?" I asked frustratedly.

"Not necessarily a date, y/n, just... two adults sharing quality time together. Oh be nice to him, won't you? Just, make small talk while I get my sweater." She walked away and called out, "Captain!"

"I'm hobbling as fast as I can, Josephine!" a male voice with a very fake accent called out in reply.

The Baudelaires stood up with troubled looks on their faces and I followed. When the man walked in, I understood why. I had never seen the man in person, but I had seen enough in the newspapers to know who it was. There were also things that were hidden. A bushy unibrow tucked away under a sailor's cap. A fake leg where a tattooed ankle would normally be. How couldn't Josephine tell? Then again, he had a history of being able to hide from adults and not children.

"Good evening, children. My name is Captain Sham."