pusillanimous- Violet Baudelaire x fem! reader

Chapter Three

"My name is Captain Sham and my home is the sea," said Olaf.

"No it isn't," Violet sounded upset.

"My home is a large lake."

"Don't be ridiculous," Klaus said.

"It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance," Olaf spoke.

"We've already made your acquaintance," Violet began.

"You're Count Olaf," I finished for her.

He looked at me with hatred in his eyes. I stared him down as Josephine began talking.

"Count Olaf? Why would you bring up such a terrifying person?!" She seemed shocked.

He finally looked back to Josephine.

"Olaf. Just as I was working up the courage to go put on my cardigan. Good thing we have a sea captain to keep us safe," she snuggled into Olaf's side and I could've sworn I threw up in my mouth.

"Aunt Josephine, this is not a sea captain, this is Count Olaf," Klaus spoke.

"I am shocked."

"It's true," Violet assured.

"I am shocked at your grammar. You can't say, 'This is Count Olaf,' the proper sentence is, 'He is Count Olaf,'" Josephine smiled.

"Who is this Count Omar? He sounds handsome!" Olaf rubbed it in.

We pointed out similarities to Olaf but she still didn't believe us.
...

"In the meantime, the adults have a date," Olaf said.

"I'll get my cardigan," Josephine said excitedly.

"Aunt Josephine," Violet pleaded.

"Oh, Violet, calm down. I'll be back in a jiffy!"

"So, long time no see," Olaf dropped the accent as he started walking.

"You'll never get away with this," Klaus retorted.

"Get away with what? I'm just a sea captain romancing a formidable woman."

"You're not a sea captain," Violet stated.

"Uh, yes I am. It says so on my business cards."

"Business cards aren't proof of anything, anyone can go to a print shop and have cards made that say anything they want," I said.

"Snicket. I had no idea I'd run into you here. I had the same relationship to your parents as I did to the Baudelaire parents. Maybe your mother will have the same fate as them and your father," he limped forward, pushing the Baudelaires back. I stood my ground, feet planted firmly on the wood of the library as I looked up into Olaf's eyes as he got closer.

"You think you scare me? With your fake limping and lack of good hygiene?" I challenged. Anything that could come as a consequence was bound to happen anyway, so I may as well prove my dominance.

He huffed and pushed me down. I immediately stood back up and Violet grabbed my hand and pulled me back. I walked back with her and stood in front of her. I knew she already had Sunny, I had seen her grab her out of the corner of my eye, so I motioned for Klaus to get behind me too, and he did so.

"Oh Captain Sham!" we heard Josephine call from the stairs as we neared the front door.

"Aunt Josephine, we have to tell you something," Klaus said as we stopped.

"That's right Josephine," Olaf began speaking in his fake accent and turned around. "Stay back! There's lit candles in here! Everyone remain calm, remain calm!" He faked panic and blew the candles out. "Oh the heat, the heat!" He limped over to the stairs. "The danger's passed, it's fine. Three orphans and a fatherless child tried to engulf your entire house in flames but it's fine."

"Oh, thank you Captain Sham," Josephine said, relieved.

"Please, call me Julio."

"Oh, Julio."

"Now, let's get a fried egg in you ma'am."

"I would like that very much."

"The children would like to say sorry, wouldn't you children?"

"We're very sorry," Klaus said, a hint of anger in his voice.

"We'll speak no more about it," Josephine replied. "Wash the dishes and go to bed. And no more candles!"

"Yes, miss Josephine," I said.

"Or doorknobs!"
...

We were upstairs working on things that might help us get to Josephine. We couldn't leave her alone with Count Olaf but his henchmen were parked in front of the house so we couldn't get out that way. I was helping Violet make a ladder out of fishing nets, Klaus was reading, and Sunny snacked on her carrots while she waited patiently for us to finish so she could chew off the ends. All of a sudden, we heard the sound of glass breaking.

"What was that?" I said, concerned.

We raced downstairs to the library to see a large hole in the window in the shape of a person.

"Josephine," Violets voice shook as she spoke.

I covered my mouth and backed away, my eyes watering as the wind blew my hair back. This couldn't be real.

"No," I whispered.

Klaus grabbed a note that was held down by a book and then all three of us went over by the window. I felt small bits of raindrops hitting my face as Klaus read the note aloud.

"Violet, Klaus, Sunny, and y/n. By the time you read this note, my life will be at it's end. My heart is as cold as Ike, and I find life inbearable. I know your children may not understand the sad life of a dowadger, or what would have leaded me to this desperate akt, but please know that I am much happier this way. As my last will and testament, I leave you Baudelaires in the care of Captain Sham, a kind and honorable men. Please think of me kindly even though I'd done this terrible thing. Yours truly, Josephine Annwhistle."

"No," I breathed.

"It can't be," managed Violet.
...

"Yes, yes, I understand, I'll tell them. Of course, I'll tell them, I promise. Goodbye!" Violet spoke into the phone with a cheery voice. "Mr. Poe says we can always rely on Mulctuary Money Management," she addressed us.

"I just can't believe it," Klaus spoke.

"It's all there in ink and shaky handwriting. Miss Josephine is dead and she's left you in the care of Count Olaf," I said.

"There's something funny about this note," said Klaus. "Come on, I'll show you."

Violet and Sunny followed him into the library while I called my home phone. There was no way I would be able to stay here. I held it to my ear but what I heard was not the voice of my mother, but in fact the voice of the very man who had been in this same house just a few hours earlier.