If I killed myself that year my mom would probably use this picture. I'm smiling and I look decent. You can't see my silent cries for help becoming scars on my wrists. I'm not wearing my usual ponytail that took gel, moms patience, and constant teasing from peers. The ponytail always had a bump in the front that I hated. My glasses are no where to found. I probably put them on the table so I could take this picture. My glasses were always covered in finger prints and sweat. Every morning I'd have to clean off the tears from the night before. I took this picture at the laundromat down the street from my house. It was open 24/7 and the utilities in my house were just shut off. Not to mention that our house was infested with fleas and other bugs. Every night after school I'd wait with my siblings until mom came home, then we'd gather our chargers and random clothes to "wash". Since the laundromat was open 24/7 we'd wash a load of clothes, charge our phones, and nap. We did it for a week or two until the owner called the cops and we had to go home. I don't remember showering or brushing my teeth in 7th grade. Everything was falling apart. If I killed myself that year no one would notice. Mom could get sympathy money and get a house. The school would be in a bigger scandal. I'd be photoshopped into clouds and mom would probably have to start a gofundme for my funeral. Friends and strangers would come out of nowhere claiming that I was happy or that we were super close. Kids at school would talk about me and then a week later they'd forget about me. If I killed myself that year well if I was dead in 7th grade no one would help mom. No one would comfort Aaliyah when mom went to jail. No one would've stayed. My friends would feel terrible. They'd have therapy. My family would fall apart even more. If I killed myself that year I wouldn't want to kill myself this year.
