Paarth's Panchaali

Chapter 30

Panchaali blinked her eyes open, a groan slipping through her lips. "Panchaali." Arjun whispered as he rushed to sit beside her, his hand wrapping around her shoulder as he helped her sit up. She laid her head in the crook of his shoulder and neck, sighing in content as she felt the close proximity of her husband. The ever assuring and close proximity making her heart feel with content and love, she sighed, a feeling of security washed over him. He looked over her, his heart squeezed in pain, motherhood a woman's most fragile state, her most desired one and he is going to suggest to terminate it. Tears glazed in his eyes, his heart thrumming in his chest with pain, how could he tell her the news about her pregnancy and give her the happiness, just to take it away by suggesting that she terminate it, how does he become that monster? How could he be such a heartless monster and take away the one happiness from her, he could feel his heart die. His hand slowly travelled to her womb, his child rested there. The symbol of their love, a life that he created with her, and he was about to suggest he terminate it. The father in him fought with the husband in him, he could feel his soul being torn in two halves, he looked at her and pressed his lips to her forehead, a sigh passing through his lips making her heart thud in his chest, he can't lose her. He never could, she was all that he had, his one love.

He stilled his heart, hardening it slowly, time was testing his love for her. It demanded another sacrifice, it demanded that he slowly die everyday in the guilt of killing his own child, it demanded that he break the heart of his woman so he can have her. Would he be able to survive this pain or end up dying? The second option seemed more better. His face lost all emotions as he looked at her, "Arya?" She questioned as she looked at him, worry pulling in her chest as she looked at him, his face showed no emotions, it was first time she was not able to understand any emotion on his face, her heart thumped with a feeling of foreboding. "You are pregnant." He whispered, his voice sounded dead, waves of happiness and surprise passed through her making her heart thud in her chest, tears of happiness filled in her eyes. She was the happiest, no words flowed out of her mouth, "I ...I ..mother?" She pointed at herself as she looked up at her husband, excitement flowing through him making her heart in her chest. Excitement flowed through her body, she threw her arms around his neck, "oh arya." She cried in ecstasy, hiccuping and crying, her voice thick with emotions. She was blessed by the gods with the greatest form of happiness, she was finally at the stage of motherhood where a woman had the blessing of a child, to bring a life in this world. One that will be partly like her and partly like her arya, will it be a girl or boy?

Oh god! She couldn't contain her joy, her excitement, all the emotions that she was feeling were too much. A child. Her child. Her aryas child. Their child. A piece of them both, the symbol of their love. Her hand travelled to her womb, where her baby rested in a few months there will be a bump, she will be able to feel all their babies movements, how would his kick feel? When would she feel the first movement of their child? When will she get the bump? She knew there was time but she just couldn't contain the ecstasy, she wanted to feel the warm little body in her arms, to caress the sweet face of her baby, oh how beautiful he would be, how sweet and cute their baby would be. She really wished that it was a little baby boy like her arya, a complete Xerox of him. How perfect would it be to have a little baby like her arya, so sweet and caring. It would make him perfect, the baby would be the most beautiful, she would give him all the love and care in the world. And her arya? Oh god he would love the baby so much! Would care for the baby so much! It would be such a blessing, the baby would be spoiled rotten, oh no, she would give him good manners. Make him a man like a father. A virtuous strong warrior with a loving heart.

"How perfect would our baby be arya. Do you think it's a girl or a boy? I want a boy, a little you. One who is exact your replica, who talks like you, walks like you, and most importantly has a heart like you. Oh arya I am going to give him all the love in the world, I will shower our baby with all the joys, all the happiness. He would want for nothing. Nothing at all. In nine months arya, nine months will have our little baby in our arms, will feel the soft caress and joy of our baby. Arya he will be so cute, his cries, his smiles, they will be exactly like you. I am so sure of it. Just you see. But yes don't spoil him too much... oh my god I am rambling, I am so sorry, I am just so happy arya, I don't know where to start, what to do? Our first child arya! Our first baby!!!" She squealed in joy, practically vibrating with all the happiness that her body was failing to contain, tears of joy traced down her cheeks, her child, her baby was in herrrrrrr!!!!! She mentally screamed, her heart was on the ninth sky, the sheer joy and content that she felt was too much.

Arjun watched, his heart thumping in his chest as he looked at her, his ears buzzed with all her happy words, her each word tore through his heart. Her mentally screamed in agony, how can he do this? Why the hell him? Why the hell her?! Why why why damn it???!!!!!!! What had she done to deserve this?!! His eyes travelled to the herbs that the ved had given, the tool to his child's death, the father in roared a cry of fury, struggling against the tight shackles of Panchaali's love that held him back, the father in him struggled against the bond, his most dark primitive urges demanded he destroy the threat to his child's life, shred every last of the possibilities into nothing but dust, he craved to protect her, to protect his child. But you the biggest joke? He was helpless, he wanted to laugh, the world's most powerful man, held the strength of the world but was good to nothing, couldn't even save his own damn child! Does man like him deserved to live?! Did he?! What kind of warrior he was if he couldn't protect his own child? Did he even have the right to call himself one?! Hate for himself filled his being, disgust for his own self thrived through his body. He hated himself for his helplessness, for not being able to save their child, for killing it. He wished that he'll be damned to hell for an eternity for this sin, he wished his soul be tortured for the rest of the forever. Give him such tortuous punishments that even the souls of greatest sinners tremble seeing them, he deserved it all. Not only was he going to kill his child, he was going to murder the mother in his wife, he deserved it all the punishment.

He cupped her cheeks, his face hardened, showing no emotions. But how can a father's heart harden? How can he do that?! The shackles of Panchaali's love tightened around the father in him, who thrashed and cried, begging him not to do this, snapped threats at him, the frustration,the helplessness had his throat tightening. He looked in her eyes,the sheer joy, hope and expectations of new future, his tongue dried and his soul cried, how could he take away this joy. He took in a deep breath as he looked at her, "Panchaali you have to terminate this pregnancy." He whispered the words, a dead silence following them. . .

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