The Family Pecking Order -- A Memoir

Chapter 2: Big Families

Both my parents were born into large farm families and grew up in the green hills of southern Indiana, living out in the country within 10-15 miles of the small town where I was born and raised. Twelve to fifteen children in a family was not uncommon in those times. In fact, it was the norm for any self-respecting Catholic family. Birth control pills did not exist then but Catholics were forbidden to use birth control anyway. The only way around this was to adhere to the first recorded official statement from the Catholic Church, dating back to 1853, which advocated the practice of periodic abstinence to avoid pregnancy. In another ruling in 1932, the Sacred Penitentiary of the Vatican elaborated further, stating it was only moral for Catholics to avoid conception by using the newly-created Rhythm Method.

This does not appear to have been too successful or perhaps was never actively practiced. There were many aunts and uncles on both my mother's and father's sides of the family and both sides were Catholic. As you might imagine then, there were many cousins. So please believe me when I say we had a really big family!

The family reunions each summer became like a "gathering of the clans" in ancient Ireland. It was not uncommon for 100 or more people to show up. These reunions were always held in the country at the farm of a family member because there would be plenty of outdoor space to spread out in. Everyone prayed the day would be fair and sunny so we could stay outdoors, not only to have a more pleasant day but because of so many children running around. There were way too many children to have constantly underfoot inside the house, making a lot of noise, and generally being annoying to all of the adults.

In the yard surrounding the house, in the shade if possible, the men would set up wooden trestles and place wide planks of wood across them to construct makeshift tables. The women would bring along their bright cotton and calico tablecloths, cover the rough wood planks with them, and then lay out the food on the long tables. Antique china vases or granite pitchers full of freshly-picked wild flowers added a happy, festive touch. The tables looked beautiful and charming, like they were arranged for a magazine photo shoot for "Country Living" Magazine.

Typical of big farmhouses in the Midwest, there was usually a large open yard around the house, so the children had plenty of room to run and play. To work off their energy and nervous excitement before it was time for the meal to be served. But they were always kept in the line of sight and within shouting distance of their watchful parents, or their older brothers and sisters who were assigned to watch over the smaller ones. Since children will be children, you could always count on some mischief taking place as these healthy, rambunctious children worked up an appetite. More than one child would be scolded or spanked after some prank, or when their "play-fighting" became hitting or pushing and someone actually got hurt.

Each family would bring several covered dishes and desserts and their own serving plates, silverware, glasses and cups. The cooks in each family took special pride in the food they brought to share. This was the opportunity for them to showcase their special fried chicken, their best potato salad or casserole recipe. Or to brag about and show off their County Fair blue-ribbon, prize-winning pickles, corn relish, or spiced peaches. It took two dessert tables to hold all of the pies, cookies, and cakes. If you listened really hard, I think you might have heard the tables groan with the weight of the sugary goodies heaped upon them. These reunion picnics were an expanded version of the old-fashioned "Covered Dish Supper". There was great variety in all of the dishes and plenty of food for everyone. It was always delicious and no one ever went home hungry.

One of the highlights of each reunion seemed to be the annual parade of new babies. Proud mothers would chatter on and on about the recent additions to their families that were born since last year's reunion. There were always new babies, every single year. You could also expect to see three or four pregnant women, some having their first babies and others just adding to their growing brood. Those crazy Catholic families! I told you the Rhythm Method didn't work or was obviously not practiced.

Then there were the giddy younger cousins who had just gotten engaged, dragging along their newly-intended for family inspection and approval. The scrutiny of the clan must have been a daunting experience. As the families grew larger and larger, it became more and more difficult to keep track of everyone. We should have worn name tags with our own and our family's name on them. That way we could have quickly identified which branch of the clan each of us belonged to.

Having such a large family,there were many candidates from which to choose a "favorite uncle" or a "favorite aunt". On my Mother's side, her brother Leo and her sister Louise fit into these categories for me. On Daddy's side, Uncle Fatty was at the top of my list and two of Daddy's sisters were my favorite aunties. It was hard to choose between Aunt Leafy and Aunt Toddy, though I confess to being totally partial to Aunt Leafy. She was a mere wisp of a woman, tiny and bird-like, but with a feisty, lively spirit. I really loved that about her.