Falling for the Quarterback

{"this is all my fault"}

//Edited//

It's been a few days since my surgery. I'm still in some pain but not as much as I was in when I woke up for the first time in three weeks.

I've grown very restless in this hospital room. I've been here so long I'm on first name basis with my morning and night nurses. I actually quite enjoy their company.

Logan and Sophia come over everyday after school as much as I tell them not to. Sophia comes to bring me my homework and then leaves to help with the baby although she hasn't had to help as much since Harry has been doing a little better and pulls his weight a little more.

I wish I could say the same about Logan. He is here all the time, he sleeps here every night and then wakes up to leave for school but not before checking to see if I need anything. I'm grateful for it of course but it isn't healthy for him and everytime I try to get him to talk about it, he just dismisses the whole conversation.

Aside from that I've been doing a lot of physical therapy. I've been laying down for so long that it took me a while to be able to walk. I can't walk for too long because of the pain in my stomach when I do so, but I've been making slow progress.

I've been trying to keep strong for everyone, it's the least I can do since I've disrupted everyones lives with my grand gesture. It's the hardest when there isn't anyone around for me to be strong for. During those hours when everyone is either at school or work are my hardest ones. My thoughts get to me and I often find myself crying and breaking down. It's when I feel the weakest.

Coincidently, I've just finished wiping my tears when Logan and Sophia walk in. I put on a smile and ask them about their day.

Sophia of course fills me in on the latest and I actively listen and remember to laugh with her. I know it makes her happy to see me laughing and smiling so I try my best to do it for her, again it's the least I can do.

"I'm so happy that you're doing better, you look so good!" Sophia smiles giving me a hug.

"Yeah" I smile tightly squeezing her back.

"Okay well I've got to go and start this essay that's due tonight" she lightly chuckles. "I'll see you tommorow?"

I nod my head and give her another hug and then watch her walk out the room. I sigh and then turn to Logan. He's a lot more quiet than he used to be. He normally just sits and thinks about whatever is going on in his head.

I wish he would talk to me about it, about something. I know what happened had to be traumatizing for him. I can vaguely remember him pressing his hands against my stomach and kneeling down next to me, screaming for me to stay awake.

All that blood...

He can't be okay after seeing that.

I know I'm not okay, and even though I'm not about to burden everyone with what's going on in my head, I wish he would just talk to me about it at least a little bit.

"Hey" I say to him lightly biting the inside of my cheek. He turns to give me a small smile.

I hold out my arms for him and he comes over and lays down next to me on the bed. I rest my head on his chest while he strokes my back.

"Are you okay?" I ask quietly.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" He chuckles.

I chew on my lip. "It's just that you've been really quiet and distant and I don't know what's going through your head"

He is quiet for a while, his hand still runs up and down my back slowly. It takes him so long to answer me I almost thought he hadn't heard me speak.