The Woman With The Headscarf

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» i know that i'm the worst and i almost didn't even come back to this story, but the reason that i did was because i understand how an unfinished story is a cruel act. and i have been neglectful to you all, every single person who's read this and followed Lamees's and Gunner's journey.  i am truly sorry, and the reason for continuing this was because Hazel Grace flew to Amsterdam just to get an ending to her favourite story, just like i wanted to travel to Japan for an ending to a story that's important and special to me. so here's to the responsibility of being an author and for having the honour of you guys reading my work «

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Lamees's mother wrapped her arms around her daughter, sobbing silently as her heart broke. It was the worst thing to have happened to her and she felt that she had failed as a mother for not having noticed sooner that something was very wrong. Guilt and remorse and an unbearable sadness overtook her as her shoulders shook. She stayed that way, cocooning her daughter in safe arms for a long time.

She didn't ask any questions, and instead let Lamees talk and tell her the details bit by bit — even though, for the most part, Lamees was silent. She only mentioned small details like how it had happened fairly close to their home, and that it had been dark and that the only thing she remembered, apart from pure horror, was that blonde hair.

Ella didn't pressure her daughter for any information. Whatever Lamees felt comfortable revealing and saying, she did and Ella trusted that in time, she would tell her everything. That in time, Lamees could learn to lean on her mother and not feel like this burden is meant only for herself.

After a while, she kissed Lamees's forehead and smiled sadly at her, mirroring her tears. "My brave girl. I only wished dat you had told me sooner."

She took her downstairs and fixed Lamees something to eat, watching her as she munched on the sandwich. Lamees told her how she didn't want to go to the police about this because she felt like she didn't have any relevant information to offer. She hadn't seen anyone that night, nothing that would've otherwise helped in the investigation. And furthermore, she didn't want the public's attention; she didn't want them to pin this title of 'ráped' or 'victim' to her that would follow her everywhere she went. Even though, she felt like a victim and was one, she didn't want that to be the defining feature about her for the rest of her life.

Her mother didn't interfere when she spoke about all this and instead, nodded at what she was saying. Her eyes were red and tears still sprang up in her eyes from time to time, and Lamees would notice her involuntarily shaking.

After an hour or so in the kitchen, her mother calmly told her to get dressed.

"Where are we going though?" She asked her mother.

"You'll see. Make it fast," was her stone-faced response as she left the room. Lamees couldn't help feeling a little uneasy as she pinned on her headscarf, and while waiting for her mother down in the hallway, she started to tug at the ends of her scarf. What was her mother planning?

No explanations were offered even after they'd gotten in the car and her mother had started to drive, avoiding Lamees's eyes. After a minute or so, she softly mumbled, "You could've haz an older brother, you know."

"What?"

Her mother sighed, keeping her eyes on the road. "I waz pregnant once, yearz before you. An' I waz almost three months in and then I made the decision to... to abort. Him."

Nobody said anything for a while as Lamees took in this information that her mother had kept from her all these years. Her mind was reeling as she asked, "Why are you telling me all this now?"

Another sigh before she said, "Lameez, I'm going to tell you what my maman told me then. She said that... that even though, ze child haz done no wrong, you will fùck it up when it's born. Because... you haf a moral obligation to it, but there is no love. You cannot grow a child without dat. Dat iz cruel."

Her voice started shaking as she continued, "I got pregnant when I waz a child myself, I could not raise it right, and I knew that if I had the baby, I would not be able to give it away either. It would crush me. I would haf made the decision to raise it myself, and I would haf fûcked him up, all because I waz being emotional and selfish at the time."

Lamees's lower lip started to tremble as she watched her mother, still staring at the road, with tears building up over the child she had decided to not have.

"You don't know that you would've messed him up," she said softly, sniffing.

Her mother shook her head. "I know dat was the right thing. I could not be selfish. I waz not ready, Lameez. I didn't even love myself then, so how could I love him?"

There was a slight pause as she grabbed a tissue and rubbed at the corners of her eyes with one hand. "All of deez, uh, these therapists would tell you dat in most cases, it is the parents neglect or behaviour, dat causes them to haf problems in the future. I couldn't bear dat kind of blame, where I was responsible for my baby to be..."

She shook her head again. "No. I couldn't. An' dat iz why you haf to do this."

"But mom, I haven't even thought this through and I do—"

"Lameez, whatever... happened to you, waz terrible and it will leave a scar. Time heals, yes, but how would it if your child came from pain and suffering? If your child is a reminder of dat terrible night? I know you think dat it is wrong, but Lameez, can you promise me that you are ready to give dis child only da good things, like it deserves? Dat you will not remember in flashes when you look at it?"

Lamees closed her eyes, as her chest ached at this question. This is what she'd been afraid of, that she wouldn't be able to love it right. There was too much more that hadn't been resolved yet and it would probably take years to heal from this... but this baby couldn't wait. It would be here in just a few more months and then it would make an even bigger mess. Her mother was right, she wasn't ready.

"It iz difficult, but it is a far bigger risk if you haf the baby and then not hold any resentments against it. You haf been through so much and you need time to heal, and that baby... it doesn't deserve all that emotional baggage and trauma."

Lamees looked up at her mother who had stopped crying and had a firm but reassuring look on her face. It comforted Lamees. "How old were you when you got pregnant?"

"I waz sixteen."

Lamees's eyes widened at this revelation and as her mother glanced towards her, she said defensively, "Well, to be fair, that jerk told me dat he was going to pull out, okay?"

Lamees shook her head, a smile creeping onto her face. "I didn't need that bit of information but thanks for that anyway. And... was it with Dad?"

Her mother smiled fondly at the mention of her husband. "No. It waz with some other jerk from highschool and we didn't even last that long."

"What? In bed?"

"Lameez!" Her mother exclaimed, shocked and Lamees started laughing. "For your information, I meant ze relationship with dat jerk. We only lasted for 2 weeks."